If the affair ended badly …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret the affair, but not because of how it ended (and in my case, it ended really violently, and there is a restraining order in place so that we don’t contact each other again).

I regret not having the emotional skills to identify and address my own issues. All the affair did was exacerbate an already bad situation, and the whole thing could have been avoided, had I been a more emotionally developed person.

I don’t feel like a whore, because I didn’t take money or anything of value in exchange for sex. We were both lying, because affairs are lies, but I wasn’t being used for sex. The whole thing would have been easier to end had it just been sex.

We? Is it against you? You were dumped? Were you both married??

No it’s against him. But I have no desire to contact him. I ended it. He took the breakup badly.

Did you have any inkling that he might turn violent? Was his messiness a surprise?

I knew it would be messy. That’s what kept me in the affair for so long. I was scared of what he would do if I ended it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Seriously? No contact is so incredibly cruel.

So is cheating on your spouse or banging someone else's husband.

+1 so much crueler than no contact, FFS

[Anonymous]

my 18 year affair just ended. She decided to end it & I agreed with her. Her kids are college age now and times are just different. But it ended smoothly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my 18 year affair just ended. She decided to end it & I agreed with her. Her kids are college age now and times are just different. But it ended smoothly

18-years. Not so exciting. I imagine Camilla and Charles old and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my 18 year affair just ended. She decided to end it & I agreed with her. Her kids are college age now and times are just different. But it ended smoothly

What was her reasoning? Were you supporting her financially while she was raising her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. Thought it meant more than it did to him.

+1 as soon as I held him accountable for some stuff and turned it off he turned on a dime. It meant a lot to him when the tap was open but as long as I wasn’t a source of money or sex I wasn’t a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Before that, did you really think that an adulterous husband was some stand up guy? A catch?

Please don't give someone else the power to define what you think of yourself.

Own your own actions, regardless of what those around you do.

People’s defensive belief that there are two kinds of husbands in this world, adulterous and not adulterous, are such children. Many “good” men have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was dumped because his wife found out. He never said anything nasty to me but did end all contact and vice versa. I don’t regret the affair. The ending was sort of par for the course if you’re seeing a married man. I was always number 2 to his wife but at times number 1 in his heart (at least it felt that way). I’m happily now over it but it took years.

That’s not what I’m talking about. If he actually said nasty things to you and then dumped you. Would you still think you were ever truly #1 or would you see it was all lies by the things he says when he dumped you? Like the mask came off…

Is this what happened to you, OP? If that's OP, above.

Sounds like a case of true colors showing at the end. Nasty statements are an easy and effective way to push the other person away quickly and definitively. Rather than wasting time lying about "it's not you, it's me" and "letting you down gently" as the saying goes, it's simpler to be honest and just blow everything up sometimes. Unless the other person decides to take revenge by outing the affair to the wronged spouse, of course....

Sometimes they see it as an only option when the “I’m busy” and the ignoring of texts/messages isn’t delivering the message adequately. Person keeps hanging on. Frustration builds and they set off the bomb and cut contact. They likely had been trying to leave without a scene for fear gi a bunny boiler but in the end just went for it.

Men could avoid all the fury if they had an ounce of finesse. Women hate to be ghosted- they’re communicators, especially an emotional AP who is about to dumped. Men just need to prep things a bit: you’re feeling guilty and talking to your pastor, you are going to marital counseling, etc. Treat her with a little respect and buy her a parting gift. Let her walk away with her dignity intact and not like a sheet of used Kleenex.

This. Men who end it gently are doing damage control.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really know the person and I don’t really care. It was an escape and fantasy.

I didn’t say cruel things but begged him not to ever contact me. I kept going back for the wild sex and had to stop before I ruined my life. The affair had been going on for 10+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 18 year affair just ended. She decided to end it & I agreed with her. Her kids are college age now and times are just different. But it ended smoothly

What was her reasoning? Were you supporting her financially while she was raising her kids?

Her DH is very wealthy...it just sort of ran its course. She was my secretary from her mid twenties & her oldest is mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really know the person and I don’t really care. It was an escape and fantasy.

I didn’t say cruel things but begged him not to ever contact me. I kept going back for the wild sex and had to stop before I ruined my life. The affair had been going on for 10+ years.

How did you not really know someone you had sex with for ten years?

[Anonymous]

I see. Did she marry someone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really know the person and I don’t really care. It was an escape and fantasy.

I didn’t say cruel things but begged him not to ever contact me. I kept going back for the wild sex and had to stop before I ruined my life. The affair had been going on for 10+ years.

How did you not really know someone you had sex with for ten years?

I knew things about him and he revealed things about himself from time to time. However I assume it was mostly fantasy and probably a lot of lies thrown in. The entire point of our relationship was sex with some friendship on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my 18 year affair just ended. She decided to end it & I agreed with her. Her kids are college age now and times are just different. But it ended smoothly

What was her reasoning? Were you supporting her financially while she was raising her kids?

Her DH is very wealthy...it just sort of ran its course. She was my secretary from her mid twenties & her oldest is mine.

So you have a relationship with your kid by her or you do not? Does the kid know who their father is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my 18 year affair just ended. She decided to end it & I agreed with her. Her kids are college age now and times are just different. But it ended smoothly

18 years and kids are now college age. Wow. What a gem. So she basically was banging others from the time her firstborn was a newborn. So are some of those kids actually yours.

I truly can’t fathom beginning an affair (well ever!!) but when I had a baby and toddlers. JFC!