Something feels off wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would trust my intuition and not allow DD to go back while simultaneously not making judgments since I wouldn’t actually know what was going on.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would trust my intuition and not allow DD to go back while simultaneously not making judgments since I wouldn’t actually know what was going on.

I genuinely apologize if I came across as judgmental, as that wasn’t my intent. I have no issue with the sweet girl or her friendship with my daughter. But my child’s safety comes before anyone else’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. I kept my kids from having sleepovers with a certain step-grandparent based on nothing but intuition. I let them have plenty of sleepovers with other people.

My advice is to kick the can down the road a bit. If/when the next request to hang out comes, say, "Oh, she had you over last time, it's our turn to host her!"

If/when it comes up after that, then maybe say, "Oh, I have some shopping to do. Would you like me to take you guys to the mall instead?"

At this point, you'll have had more interactions and may have re-evaluated your initial reaction. If not, then you'll have a tough choice as to what to say to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

What neighborhood? Sorry we are not as wealthy as you. you’d hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you should do you what you need to do to protect your DD, but I just want to point out that people's intuitions are often completely wrong. The mom may have anxiety and that may have been what you were sensing. The people who are successful at abusing others are sometimes the ones that don't trigger anyone's suspicions at all. I'm not saying to ignore your gut feeling, but just realize that intuition is not always right. That said, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

The family seems wonderful and I don’t know them well enough to know their situation, but my daughter’s safety comes first and I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I won’t apologize. It’s not like I’m not letting my daughter hang out with the girl. I just don’t feel comfortable with her going over there.

[Anonymous]

People judging OP for “judging”: why don’t you all live in these neighborhoods? You could save so much money on housing. It seems like a perfect financial opportunity. So why don’t you want to live there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

The family seems wonderful and I don’t know them well enough to know their situation, but my daughter’s safety comes first and I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I won’t apologize. It’s not like I’m not letting my daughter hang out with the girl. I just don’t feel comfortable with her going over there.

The. Stop the relationship. If someone was like that to us as our home is not very nice I would not invite yours again or allow my child to be with you. You said daughter was well cared for and nothing happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

The family seems wonderful and I don’t know them well enough to know their situation, but my daughter’s safety comes first and I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I won’t apologize. It’s not like I’m not letting my daughter hang out with the girl. I just don’t feel comfortable with her going over there.

Right, so the issue is that you think it’s unsafe to be at a poor person’s house. So just say that instead of pretending to have some nebulous “intuition”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People judging OP for “judging”: why don’t you all live in these neighborhoods? You could save so much money on housing. It seems like a perfect financial opportunity. So why don’t you want to live there?

I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People judging OP for “judging”: why don’t you all live in these neighborhoods? You could save so much money on housing. It seems like a perfect financial opportunity. So why don’t you want to live there?

I do.

You live in an unsafe neighborhood and pretend and/or tell others it isn’t unsafe? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People judging OP for “judging”: why don’t you all live in these neighborhoods? You could save so much money on housing. It seems like a perfect financial opportunity. So why don’t you want to live there?

I do.

You live in an unsafe neighborhood and pretend and/or tell others it isn’t unsafe? Why?

I live in a lower income neighborhood, because that’s what I’m able to afford. Surely you’re familiar with that concept? That doesn’t make it unsafe for my kids to have school friends over.

The level to which OP feels she needs to clutch her pearls when at this family’s house is not an accurate indicator of whether the neighborhood is safe or not.

[Anonymous]

Op it does really sound like this is a reaction to a neighborhood having more poverty. Yes your daughters safety is always #1 but you first should do some serious and I mean serious reflection on what might have given you that feeling because you are sharing quite literally nothing that would indicate concern except it being a rougher area which makes it most likely you’re just not used to being around more poverty? I just personally would want to do a lot of self reflection before I made a firm line on something. As others have said our “intuition” is actually often quite wrong and is more based on preconceived ideas, stereotypes, racism etc. None of these things may be your intent but it’s just how our brain works. It sounds like it took a lot for this family to feel comfortable inviting your daughter (probably for this exact reason..) and I would just try to be thoughtful and a little more objective to figure out what is coming up for you and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People judging OP for “judging”: why don’t you all live in these neighborhoods? You could save so much money on housing. It seems like a perfect financial opportunity. So why don’t you want to live there?

I do.

You live in an unsafe neighborhood and pretend and/or tell others it isn’t unsafe? Why?

I live in a lower income neighborhood, because that’s what I’m able to afford. Surely you’re familiar with that concept? That doesn’t make it unsafe for my kids to have school friends over.

The level to which OP feels she needs to clutch her pearls when at this family’s house is not an accurate indicator of whether the neighborhood is safe or not.

Lower income doesn’t always mean the same as unsafe and you know it. I live in a lower income neighborhood, too, but it’s safe here. I know of low income UNSAFE neighborhoods, too.