Something feels off wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

Exactly. I cringed at that statement when I read it as well.

Why would she have to give them the "benefit of the doubt" just because they are not well off? OP seems super judgey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

Exactly. I cringed at that statement when I read it as well.

Why would she have to give them the "benefit of the doubt" just because they are not well off? OP seems super judgey.

This. The mom seemed nice at pickup from OP’s home, the girl is a sweetheart, all was copacetic at OP’s home, and then the girl lives “not the best neighborhood” but she “gave them the benefit of the doubt.” The “weird vibes” are not from the girl, her mom, their specific home, their words, their behavior, their manners or mannerisms, their suggestions, their actions or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

This exactly. Ignore the racists.

Gavin de Becker has spoken publicly about how much it bothers him that people use his book to justify racism and homophobia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

This exactly. Ignore the racists.

Gavin de Becker has spoken publicly about how much it bothers him that people use his book to justify racism and homophobia.

Still confused about what PP means about “ignore the racists”. Which racists? Who has mentioned race on this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?

Wow that was really big of you to “give them the benefit of the doubt”. Sounds like the thing that’s pinging your radar is that the family is poor.

The family seems wonderful and I don’t know them well enough to know their situation, but my daughter’s safety comes first and I’m sorry if that’s harsh but I won’t apologize. It’s not like I’m not letting my daughter hang out with the girl. I just don’t feel comfortable with her going over there.

Your post and this comment says everything about you. Rationalize it anyone you want OP. It isn't your intuition. It is they are mutts and you are a pure bred - in your mind. If you rolled up to a McMansion you would be dropping off with barely meeting the parents. It is you, not them. I know you won't see that now. But if you have someone else reread your posts and describe you, you wouldn't like what they would say.

End the friendship. You can't have a one sided relationship. If they end being best friends, you can't hide your terrible judge personality forever. And eventually sadly, your daughter will turn into you anyway. Hopefully she ends up resenting you and grows up to be a decent human being.

Thank you for saying what everyone here is thinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

This exactly. Ignore the racists.

Gavin de Becker has spoken publicly about how much it bothers him that people use his book to justify racism and homophobia.

Still confused about what PP means about “ignore the racists”. Which racists? Who has mentioned race on this thread?

If you don’t understand that “lower income” is often used as code for POC, especially in the DMV, then I can’t help you because you are living in a whole different world with a different set of facts than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

This exactly. Ignore the racists.

Gavin de Becker has spoken publicly about how much it bothers him that people use his book to justify racism and homophobia.

Still confused about what PP means about “ignore the racists”. Which racists? Who has mentioned race on this thread?

If you don’t understand that “lower income” is often used as code for POC, especially in the DMV, then I can’t help you because you are living in a whole different world with a different set of facts than I am.

Um. So to clarify, the above PP was telling *OP* to ignore the racists. That is the confusing part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

Honest question: how do you tell the difference between implicit racism/classism and “fear?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People judging OP for “judging”: why don’t you all live in these neighborhoods? You could save so much money on housing. It seems like a perfect financial opportunity. So why don’t you want to live there?

Yeah. There are good reasons people with more means pick better neighborhoods to live and raise their children in. You don’t need to apologize OP. If you felt vibes things were unsafe or questionable, I’d do the same as you and have meetups at your place or somewhere else in public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

This exactly. Ignore the racists.

Gavin de Becker has spoken publicly about how much it bothers him that people use his book to justify racism and homophobia.

Still confused about what PP means about “ignore the racists”. Which racists? Who has mentioned race on this thread?

If you don’t understand that “lower income” is often used as code for POC, especially in the DMV, then I can’t help you because you are living in a whole different world with a different set of facts than I am.

No it isn’t. Crime is higher in low income areas, of any color. I wouldn’t want my child hanging out after school in the tailor park where meth is being cooked on the regular either

[Anonymous]

I wonder if it is the house. I have been in some houses that felt really oppressive and threatening and never really figured out why. Or it could be the neighbors, and that can happen anywhere.

It sounds like the other mom already set the precedent of taking the girls out to do something. So just continue that and offer to drive a bit more. I would be thrilled to drive less. And my child has several friends who live in way nicer neighborhoods than we do in Fairfax.

[Anonymous]

Were the houses under $1M?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

This exactly. Ignore the racists.

Gavin de Becker has spoken publicly about how much it bothers him that people use his book to justify racism and homophobia.

Still confused about what PP means about “ignore the racists”. Which racists? Who has mentioned race on this thread?

If you don’t understand that “lower income” is often used as code for POC, especially in the DMV, then I can’t help you because you are living in a whole different world with a different set of facts than I am.

DP here. I don't understand how considering "low income" or "high crime" areas makes you a racist. Are we supposed to ignore these blatant facts? I grew up in a low income neighborhood, the child of poor immigrants, and it is an undeniable fact that there was a LOT more crime there than in my current middle class neighborhood. Would I want to raise my kid in my old neighborhood? Heck no! My parents had to live there for economic reasons but I do not. Maybe I did grow up in a whole different world with a whole different set of facts than you, but I am struggling to understand why you would accuse people of racism as soon as they consider factors such as poverty and crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I think you should do you what you need to do to protect your DD, but I just want to point out that people's intuitions are often completely wrong. The mom may have anxiety and that may have been what you were sensing. The people who are successful at abusing others are sometimes the ones that don't trigger anyone's suspicions at all. I'm not saying to ignore your gut feeling, but just realize that intuition is not always right. That said, I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

+1
We learned the seemingly outgoing and friendly coach for a team that DC joined is mentally unstable and has several domestic violence charges against him and is known for having a horrible temper. Still an employee of a school district. We left as soon as we heard and confirmed it was all true. But he's just clever enough to still stay in his jobs. I'm sure it will catch up to him at some point.

[Anonymous]