DD 16 attempted suicide Friday. Need tips for ME.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry that your family is going through this. Take care of yourself. DCUM virtual support sending hugs and strength to you.

[Anonymous]

So sorry! If you don't have a therapist for yourself, think seriously about getting one.

[Anonymous]

Girl, if you were my friend I would be over there in a heartbeat with a laundry basket, gallon of ice cream, and five boxes of tissues. Please reach out to your inner circle of friends.

When I was your DD's age I was severely depressed. Never outright attempted, but I spent a couple months regularly doing things I knew could be fatal if my luck ran out...

Now as a parent, my blood turns to ice just thinking about what that would have done to my family. But because my parents ultimately got me help when I needed it, I was able to grow up and in turn help my child when they first showed inklings of needing support themselves.

You are a good mom. I don't know you at all, but please know this interwebs stranger is pulling for you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a friend you can confide in to help you with some of the day-to-day?

[Anonymous]

Please consider signing up for NAMI Family to Family or NAMI Basic.

[Anonymous]

Sending good thoughts, OP. I have been there too. I echo the suggestion of having your own therapist. And also working on a post-care plan because not much happens in inpatient. But also, give yourself the grace you would if your child was seriously physically ill, because it’s the same thing, but for some reason it’s easier to acknowledge how hard a physical crisis is and for a mental health crisis, I expected myself to soldier on even though my brain felt exactly as you described. Your child is sick. It’s ok to need a breath or ten.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry you are going through this... when I went through something similar, I watched 7 seasons of Below Deck. It was what I needed to rest my brain. I also got a therapist to talk through things with. If you have a friend who has personal experience with what you are going through, lean on her. Lots of other people may not get it if they haven't experienced it themselves. You don't owe them explanations and only talk with them about it if you think it will make you feel better.

You will get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any idea yet of when the discharge will be and what the plan is? You may be in a situation when she is discharged where you need to keep a very close eye on her for a while. So if there's stuff you need to do out of the house, it's good to get it out of the way while she's still in patient. I actually think a list would be a great idea. I would do laundry, which I like to do while I'm watching TV and vegging anyway. I might bake and put stuff in the freezer. I would do a grocery run and buy food, including her favorites, for the freezer or otherwise. Call a friend and unload if that will help. I would also try to get as much sleep now as you can.
Will they give you visiting soon? I would try to figure out if there's anything she will want (consistent with the rules about what she can have) -- comfy socks, comfy sweats, etc. Books are good, although it's so challenging now to find books that are not depressing. Even books that are too "young" for her might be good especially if she's having trouble focusing -- an old favorite from when she was younger might be great. They have a lot of downtime, and often the TV/book selection there is not so great and the boredom can be really challenging.
Sending strength, prayers, and good wishes your way--thinks can and do get better.

This one is good advice. Our child was discharged faster than we anticipated and we had a gap between the hospital and PHP that required 24/7 monitoring and safety plan. Planning for that stage if it happens can help

[Anonymous]

For me the previous 'stay busy' advice that someone posted wouldn't have been helpful. I'm not judging that advice just saying it's good for some folks and not others.

I needed permission to wallow in sadness for a bit, before getting up and getting things done. It helped me process, to acknowledge the sadness, the dread, the fear of the future.

After that, I'd file for FMLA from work. You'll need time off to deal with appointments, and it's easiest to get your child's doctors to sign off while they're hospitalized.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. I lost a sibling to suicide years ago and I’m so thankful for your family your child is alive. But I know that doesn’t help right now. I am not religious anymore but I will be praying for your family today. No advice, just love to you all.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. One of my relatives has 2 daughters and both of them had repeated attempted suicided during their teenager years ( trauma from childhood then separation from family during boarding school caused depression). The mom tried all she could to help with doctors and medication also religion, they also adopted a puppy and that kind of helped. Both of the 2 daughters recovered and happily married with kids now. Best wishes to your daughter and you.

[Anonymous]

My best advice is to make sure that you have someone you can be absolutely honest with about your feelings/frustrations/fears/etc. For a lot of us it feels uncomfortable to talk openly about how it's affecting us because we don't want to seem like we are not focusing on our child. Or we can feel like we need to protect our child's privacy or that we don't want our family's "stuff" out there in the world.

But you need to have an outlet where you can speak out loud all the things you are thinking and feeling so you can process it, get comfort, get angry, cry...whatever it is you need to be able to stay healthy and strong for your child.

It helps if it's not someone in the midst of it with you, like a spouse or parent, but instead someone who a little distance but who you implicitly trust. For me it was a childhood friend in another state who I knew had been through this with a family member. For my spouse it was a therapist because it felt safer to share those thoughts with someone who was trained to listen.

I say even though I could not have followed this advice myself in the early days because it felt so hard to even say some things out loud. So if you can't do this now, that's ok. Just give yourself permission to start thinking about who you'll talk to when you're ready to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending love - have BTDT and for our family for our child this represented a bit of a turning point where the problem was clearly serious enough to mobilize action and support and buy in from child in engaging deeply with therapy. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

One thing we learned - after a short-term psychiatric stay - it was just to get stabilized - I didn’t quite understand that there wasn’t a better “fix” upon discharge. Very naive I know.

I do want to also share that we’ve had a good outcome and that years and effort in therapy have yielded a really well adjusted adult who knows when they need to lean in and out of therapy and supports. I also want to share that we noticed an annual pattern- February each year was a bad month with the worst challenges - especially during HS there tended to be a major mental health event in February. I am not sure if it is seasonally related, but the pattern was strong.

This was true of both of my teen girls too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me the previous 'stay busy' advice that someone posted wouldn't have been helpful. I'm not judging that advice just saying it's good for some folks and not others.

I needed permission to wallow in sadness for a bit, before getting up and getting things done. It helped me process, to acknowledge the sadness, the dread, the fear of the future.

After that, I'd file for FMLA from work. You'll need time off to deal with appointments, and it's easiest to get your child's doctors to sign off while they're hospitalized.

I think that is important for some people.

Op, I hope things are going as well as they can right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, if you were my friend I would be over there in a heartbeat with a laundry basket, gallon of ice cream, and five boxes of tissues. Please reach out to your inner circle of friends.

When I was your DD's age I was severely depressed. Never outright attempted, but I spent a couple months regularly doing things I knew could be fatal if my luck ran out...

Now as a parent, my blood turns to ice just thinking about what that would have done to my family. But because my parents ultimately got me help when I needed it, I was able to grow up and in turn help my child when they first showed inklings of needing support themselves.

You are a good mom. I don't know you at all, but please know this interwebs stranger is pulling for you and your daughter.

So much this.

You don’t need to do anything but take it minute by minute. Put your pj’s on, climb in bed and watch mindless TV to rest your body and brain. Laundry and cleaning can wait. Door Dash some comfort food.

So many hugs to you and your DD.