DD 16 attempted suicide Friday. Need tips for ME.

[Anonymous]

She is safe at Brooklane. Much work lies ahead. I dont want to get into details. They dont matter at the moment.

After 3 solid days of cope mode I am giving myself a day to do nothing. Good thing too because I cant seem to do jack squat.

I'm exhausted.

Anyone who has BTDT, how to deal with the stupor? Should I make a list of tasks and just check them off as I can?

I need to do laundry
I need to clean my bedroom.

Everythign is too hard to focus on. I make calls and wait for DD to call. That is going well. She is seemingly doing well.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. BTDT - several suicide attempts. The first was so awful. I coped by really hard workouts and wine. Stuff just didn’t get done. Skip laundry. Order new underwear on Amazon. Save your energy for figuring out next steps and holding it together at work.

[Anonymous]

Couldn’t read without posting to send you strength and to send good wishes and healing to your DD.
I know if this happened in my closest friend group, people would be asking what they could do to help. Do you have a sister or bff who can oversee house cleaning and laundry for you? Folks to bring you healthy food? When people reach out, do you feel like you have things to tell them they can take off your plate so you can focus on the mental work and some self care?

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to do laundry. You don’t need to clean you bedroom. You need to do whatever self care means to you.

If it means cleaning the house, then do that. If it means crying to you best friend, then do that. If you want to get a massage, do that. The only thing you have to do is breathe. If you feel up to it, you can consider eating, sleeping, and showering. Seriously—you don’t have to do anything now.

I’m glad to hear she’s doing well. Good for you for getting her to Brooklane. She has a lot of work ahead of her. When you’re ready, think about getting yourself a therapist. There’s going to be a lot to process as she goes through this. You may want someone to be a sounding board.

[Anonymous]

Stay busy.

[Anonymous]

Hugs.

Been there, twice. Literally at Brook Lane 2x.

Reach out to trusted friends and family and let them help. My friends really stepped up for me with meals and rides for my other child.

You may need to be suicide proofing the home while she is in the hospital.

Also be proactive about what her next steps will be whether IOP or PHP or whatever and don’t just go wherever the hospital says.

On a lighter note, you will pass the Outlets on the way to Brook Lane so stop in and get yourself something nice.

[Anonymous]

Make a list of what medical stuff you have to do, and when. Or plot it all on a calendar. That way you're not trying to remember it all in your head and worrying anything fell through the cracks.

[Anonymous]

Laundry and cleaning can wait. It's not a priority. It's ok to relax and worry about your daughter. Best wishes to her and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs.

Been there, twice. Literally at Brook Lane 2x.

Reach out to trusted friends and family and let them help. My friends really stepped up for me with meals and rides for my other child.

You may need to be suicide proofing the home while she is in the hospital.

Also be proactive about what her next steps will be whether IOP or PHP or whatever and don’t just go wherever the hospital says.

On a lighter note, you will pass the Outlets on the way to Brook Lane so stop in and get yourself something nice.

I'm wired in a way that I had to stay busy. I got DC on waitlists for PHP and IOP and tried to make the house safer. We talked to DC everyday but after a few days DC really wasn't calling anymore and seemed annoyed when we called. That can be draining, too, seeing another side of your child in this situation.

Do whatever helps you stay on level ground. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to send you a hug. Been there and it is so scary and takes everything out of you. Be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone even though it feels that way.

[Anonymous]

My best advice is to be kind to yourself. Good luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you, OP. My daughter had a suicide attempt and several other hospitalizations over a 2-3 year period. For me, keeping busy helped - keeping as normal a work schedule as possible, keeping things going for our two younger children. For downtime, reading is one of my favorite forms of self care. In times of stress, I go back and re-read old favorites, and it brings me a lot of comfort.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any idea yet of when the discharge will be and what the plan is? You may be in a situation when she is discharged where you need to keep a very close eye on her for a while. So if there's stuff you need to do out of the house, it's good to get it out of the way while she's still in patient. I actually think a list would be a great idea. I would do laundry, which I like to do while I'm watching TV and vegging anyway. I might bake and put stuff in the freezer. I would do a grocery run and buy food, including her favorites, for the freezer or otherwise. Call a friend and unload if that will help. I would also try to get as much sleep now as you can.
Will they give you visiting soon? I would try to figure out if there's anything she will want (consistent with the rules about what she can have) -- comfy socks, comfy sweats, etc. Books are good, although it's so challenging now to find books that are not depressing. Even books that are too "young" for her might be good especially if she's having trouble focusing -- an old favorite from when she was younger might be great. They have a lot of downtime, and often the TV/book selection there is not so great and the boredom can be really challenging.
Sending strength, prayers, and good wishes your way--thinks can and do get better.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. My son has never attempted suicide, but he has been hospitalized for violence towards others (me), and it’s awful.

What got me through was having my own therapist. And a partner who held me while I cried.

[Anonymous]

Sending love - have BTDT and for our family for our child this represented a bit of a turning point where the problem was clearly serious enough to mobilize action and support and buy in from child in engaging deeply with therapy. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

One thing we learned - after a short-term psychiatric stay - it was just to get stabilized - I didn’t quite understand that there wasn’t a better “fix” upon discharge. Very naive I know.

I do want to also share that we’ve had a good outcome and that years and effort in therapy have yielded a really well adjusted adult who knows when they need to lean in and out of therapy and supports. I also want to share that we noticed an annual pattern- February each year was a bad month with the worst challenges - especially during HS there tended to be a major mental health event in February. I am not sure if it is seasonally related, but the pattern was strong.