What would you do if your nest won’t empty?

[Anonymous]

My child is autistic. We hope that she goes to college, graduates from college, gets a job, and lives independently, but if that takes longer than is typical, so be it.

I think that most young adults with failure to launch have mental health issues (diagnosed or undiagnosed). They aren't living in your basement for the fun of not being independent!

[Anonymous]

I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

Why do you think he's struggling? Do you think he likes failing or do you think he has a problem (depression, executive dysfunction, etc) that is holding him back? What kind of student was he in high school? Would he be more interested in trade school than community college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

Why do you think he's struggling? Do you think he likes failing or do you think he has a problem (depression, executive dysfunction, etc) that is holding him back? What kind of student was he in high school? Would he be more interested in trade school than community college?

He lies so much that it's hard to get a real idea of what's going on. In addition to the above requirements to continue living with me, I am considering adding therapy. Though I wonder if therapy would be productive given how much he lies. For therapy to be effective, you have to tell the truth.

His grades were up and down in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men are still like this at 43 and even older. I'm a single straight woman in my forties and part of the reason why I'm single is because a large percentage of single men my age are living with their parents (and not because they're caring for them) and being supported by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men are still like this at 43 and even older. I'm a single straight woman in my forties and part of the reason why I'm single is because a large percentage of single men my age are living with their parents (and not because they're caring for them) and being supported by them.

I wonder if it's always been this way and the wives of yesterday were unknowingly (or knowingly) covering the inadequacy. Modern women don't have to marry and it's exposing a lot of men for what they've been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men are still like this at 43 and even older. I'm a single straight woman in my forties and part of the reason why I'm single is because a large percentage of single men my age are living with their parents (and not because they're caring for them) and being supported by them.

No, a lot of men are not like this. Women cannot complain when they are parenting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

Why do you think he's struggling? Do you think he likes failing or do you think he has a problem (depression, executive dysfunction, etc) that is holding him back? What kind of student was he in high school? Would he be more interested in trade school than community college?

He lies so much that it's hard to get a real idea of what's going on. In addition to the above requirements to continue living with me, I am considering adding therapy. Though I wonder if therapy would be productive given how much he lies. For therapy to be effective, you have to tell the truth.

His grades were up and down in school.

It sounds like he lies because he can't meet your expectations and doesn't want to admit it. What support did he get when he was younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its A-OK with me. In fact, it is my dream scenario. We end up buying a bigger house together in an expensive neighborhood with all the bells and whistles and we all can live in a joint multi-generational family.

Obviouly, my expectation is - they are saving money, doing a job, getting more certification, living a life of moderation, doing their part in running the house, do not have addiction issues, are taking care of their health, are a good spouse and parents, priortizing the education of their children, willing to pitch in money for outsourcing chores.

I would be happy with that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

Why do you think he's struggling? Do you think he likes failing or do you think he has a problem (depression, executive dysfunction, etc) that is holding him back? What kind of student was he in high school? Would he be more interested in trade school than community college?

He lies so much that it's hard to get a real idea of what's going on. In addition to the above requirements to continue living with me, I am considering adding therapy. Though I wonder if therapy would be productive given how much he lies. For therapy to be effective, you have to tell the truth.

His grades were up and down in school.

Your frustration is definitely apparent. Not saying it isn’t warranted. But at this very moment, he doesn’t have a reason to change. You nag, he lies, it’s irksome all around, but he has a roof over his head and food to eat. He needs to move out, be responsible, be independent, get a roommate, pay bills, etc. There is no other way this gets better PP. You know that. Set a deadline for a move out date. Give him money that you’ve been saving as first month’s rent. It’s too comfortable for him. He should also be checked for mental health simultaneously, and probably before you kick him out of the nest. Your fear of failing him is enabling him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men are still like this at 43 and even older. I'm a single straight woman in my forties and part of the reason why I'm single is because a large percentage of single men my age are living with their parents (and not because they're caring for them) and being supported by them.

No, a lot of men are not like this. Women cannot complain when they are parenting them.

Yes, they are. There are articles about it every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men are still like this at 43 and even older. I'm a single straight woman in my forties and part of the reason why I'm single is because a large percentage of single men my age are living with their parents (and not because they're caring for them) and being supported by them.

No, a lot of men are not like this. Women cannot complain when they are parenting them.

Do their fathers not have anything to do with it? Or is it just their mothers' fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am over my 23 y.o. son. He has managed to fail at everything since graduating high school including college. He compulsively lies and was required to enroll in community college in addition to holding a job and paying nominal rent ($150 a month that I am saving in an account). When I asked him the status of the supposed "late starting" spring courses, he lied again about accelerated courses starting in June. I told him hell no, he must enroll now or get out. I am so over him.

I feel trapped with a perpetual 14 y.o. I keep hoping he finds a gf but know that no young woman in her right mind would deal with his immaturity.

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men are still like this at 43 and even older. I'm a single straight woman in my forties and part of the reason why I'm single is because a large percentage of single men my age are living with their parents (and not because they're caring for them) and being supported by them.

No, a lot of men are not like this. Women cannot complain when they are parenting them.

Do their fathers not have anything to do with it? Or is it just their mothers' fault?

Sure it can be fathers too, but usually it's an overbearing mother who just can't let go of her little boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would depend on the reason.

This.

If my kid is handling their business, working and/or school and being productive, they are welcome to stay as long as they want to save money. It's a different world than when my parents tossed me to the wolves with no support in my late teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its A-OK with me. In fact, it is my dream scenario. We end up buying a bigger house together in an expensive neighborhood with all the bells and whistles and we all can live in a joint multi-generational family.

Obviouly, my expectation is - they are saving money, doing a job, getting more certification, living a life of moderation, doing their part in running the house, do not have addiction issues, are taking care of their health, are a good spouse and parents, priortizing the education of their children, willing to pitch in money for outsourcing chores.

I would be happy with that too.

I'd love this too. This is how I grew up, though. Grands and Great Grands were immigrants on both sides and they all lived near one another: one side basically a family compound, the other within walking distance for the most part.