What would you do if your nest won’t empty?

[Anonymous]

We’re early retired and pretty well off. Had our kids early as well. We live in the city and have a second home in the country. We think it’s crazy for our kids to pay rent to somebody else when we have plenty of room for them. So long as they are productive and moving forward we have no problem with them staying with us rent free. One of them took longer than the others but everyone goes at their own pace and we felt that her pace was understandable given some issues that she had that were not self-inflicted so we were patient.

When our youngest got married she and her husband lived in our English basement rent-free while they saved a little money (it happened to have opened up at the right time) and when they announced they were expecting and needed more space we bought a townhouse in a desirable close in suburb and rented it to them at full market rent. We figured why have them spend their good money on someone else when they could send it to us and keep it in the family?

I come from nothing myself, but I am not of the mindset that that means my kids must have the same struggles. They’re all responsible adults and appreciate our help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our household, all kids are to be fully out my 23 including the kid with special needs. We’re not going to forgo being empty nesters, retiring, moving & traveling for any reason.

So you're just going to ship your child with SN off to a group home at 18? If so, you're a POS.

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re early retired and pretty well off. Had our kids early as well. We live in the city and have a second home in the country. We think it’s crazy for our kids to pay rent to somebody else when we have plenty of room for them. So long as they are productive and moving forward we have no problem with them staying with us rent free. One of them took longer than the others but everyone goes at their own pace and we felt that her pace was understandable given some issues that she had that were not self-inflicted so we were patient.

When our youngest got married she and her husband lived in our English basement rent-free while they saved a little money (it happened to have opened up at the right time) and when they announced they were expecting and needed more space we bought a townhouse in a desirable close in suburb and rented it to them at full market rent. We figured why have them spend their good money on someone else when they could send it to us and keep it in the family?

I come from nothing myself, but I am not of the mindset that that means my kids must have the same struggles. They’re all responsible adults and appreciate our help.

??????

This is very out of step with the rest of your post. How was making your kid pay $6500/month on a condo YOU OWNED a favor to them???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lordy. Once again, I am happy to be Indian (American). I happened to move out when I was 18 but came back at 22 for 2 years. My younger siblings each stayed with my folks after college during med/grad school for 3-4 years saving. All of us are married, with PHD/MD degrees and 2-3 kids (and with a lot less debt because we all commuted from home for part of it). Our parents have their own home but it's understood their care will be shared between us siblings (all live in the DMV).

I just cannot imagine kicking out my kids (or my parents). I grew up with (both sets of) grandparents - this is normal in many parts of the world. Have sex in your bedroom. No-one cares what you cook. (And most of us actually like our mom's food anyway). What a messed up idea.

+1
My DD moved back in with us during grad school. Continues to stay with us when she started job/career. she is planning to get married in a couple years. In the meantime, all earnings are being socked away to have a head-start on retirement and leg-up in life.
we will pay for wedding and none of my kids have no student debt. That is our gift to them. we have planned for our retirement also and we are financially ok. Even if the nest is not empty, having my ACs live with us is a boon. we can travel without worrying about the house. we and they entertain their guests with zero issues, we all follow the diets that we want and cook or get takeout what we want. I don't understand what PPs are worrying about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re early retired and pretty well off. Had our kids early as well. We live in the city and have a second home in the country. We think it’s crazy for our kids to pay rent to somebody else when we have plenty of room for them. So long as they are productive and moving forward we have no problem with them staying with us rent free. One of them took longer than the others but everyone goes at their own pace and we felt that her pace was understandable given some issues that she had that were not self-inflicted so we were patient.

When our youngest got married she and her husband lived in our English basement rent-free while they saved a little money (it happened to have opened up at the right time) and when they announced they were expecting and needed more space we bought a townhouse in a desirable close in suburb and rented it to them at full market rent. We figured why have them spend their good money on someone else when they could send it to us and keep it in the family?

I come from nothing myself, but I am not of the mindset that that means my kids must have the same struggles. They’re all responsible adults and appreciate our help.

??????

This is very out of step with the rest of your post. How was making your kid pay $6500/month on a condo YOU OWNED a favor to them???

lol the rent isn’t $6500. It’s not even half that. it was a favor for them because they were having lots of trouble finding a place that fit their needs in a tough rental market. so when we saw a good property for sale that fit their needs and offered to put in an all cash offer make sure we got it and could close quickly and then rent it to them they jumped at the chance.

also, just FYI, under IRS rules you have to charge a relative fair market rent to qualify the property as an investment property for tax purposes. so we really couldn’t discount the rent without serious financial repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re early retired and pretty well off. Had our kids early as well. We live in the city and have a second home in the country. We think it’s crazy for our kids to pay rent to somebody else when we have plenty of room for them. So long as they are productive and moving forward we have no problem with them staying with us rent free. One of them took longer than the others but everyone goes at their own pace and we felt that her pace was understandable given some issues that she had that were not self-inflicted so we were patient.

When our youngest got married she and her husband lived in our English basement rent-free while they saved a little money (it happened to have opened up at the right time) and when they announced they were expecting and needed more space we bought a townhouse in a desirable close in suburb and rented it to them at full market rent. We figured why have them spend their good money on someone else when they could send it to us and keep it in the family?

I come from nothing myself, but I am not of the mindset that that means my kids must have the same struggles. They’re all responsible adults and appreciate our help.

??????

This is very out of step with the rest of your post. How was making your kid pay $6500/month on a condo YOU OWNED a favor to them???

LOL! I am sure your mind is blown.

AC wanted to live in a townhome and pay rent. Parents have bought a townhome (because they have the money) and they have let AC live there as a tenant. The rent has now become a mortgage payment. The property will come to the AC eventually from the parents and the hard earned money of the AC did not get wasted as rent. This is how generational wealth is created.

The parents assume the financial risk and exposure of the loan to buy the townhome because they have better credit and probably got better interest rates etc. At the same time, maybe the ACs want to use the first time home buyer benefits when they are ready to buy a sfh and not a townhome. They all are safeguarding their money, wealth and options - and keeping it in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lordy. Once again, I am happy to be Indian (American). I happened to move out when I was 18 but came back at 22 for 2 years. My younger siblings each stayed with my folks after college during med/grad school for 3-4 years saving. All of us are married, with PHD/MD degrees and 2-3 kids (and with a lot less debt because we all commuted from home for part of it). Our parents have their own home but it's understood their care will be shared between us siblings (all live in the DMV).

I just cannot imagine kicking out my kids (or my parents). I grew up with (both sets of) grandparents - this is normal in many parts of the world. Have sex in your bedroom. Noone cares what you cook. (And most of us actually like our mom's food anyway). What a messed up idea.

this is just so odd to me. Don't you want to be alone? Have some space? Sit in your house by yourself and read a book? Don't you get tired of cooking for everyone? If you don't, isn't your kitchen being used a LOT then?

[Anonymous]

My kids can stay at home for as long as they want, as long as they are growing in their career or they are studying. They do not have to pay for rent, utilities, food etc.

If they want to stay with us after they are married for the long term, then we have to figure out how to set up a traditional multi-generational household.

Caveat - they are growing in a good career, getting educated, saving money, do not have bad habits, are doing their best to look after their spouse and prioritizing their kids education.