Am I coddling my DD by allowing her to come home when she's going through a rough patch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For you husband: she is using healthy coping skills. She's figuring out how to feel safe and distracted. I'm sure I'm not the only one who figured out a break up on my own with a bottle of Jack and getting under someone new-but I wouldn't suggest that to my own daughter.

This!!

+1

[Anonymous]

I think that’s a normal guy reaction from your DH. Mine says the same thing when my DD calls a lot or wants to come home (only a two hour drive). She doesn’t really come home because FOMO but she calls a lot and I do go visit and take her to lunch every so often. Your DD does need to get herself more friends and distractions at school but sounds like a situation where I’d give her the option. I would be worried that she won’t want to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s great she’s wants to come home for a week. Home is her safe and loving place. Don’t make her change her mind (tell that to her father).

This, spoken as a kid who left home at 14 and didn't come back unless the dorms were closed.

[Anonymous]

When my DS broke up with his girlfriend he called me at 10 pm at night to come and get him. You better believe I was there. He was in much worse shape than I had expected and it lasted for several weeks. My son knows that his parents have his back. Your family is your first line of defense was what my father taught me growing up. I’m grateful I could be there for him when he needed it.

[Anonymous]

She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would let her come home. I would baby her quite a bit(shopping, new hairstyle, lunch out- whatever she enjoys) AND I would have her schedule anappointment with college counseling office when she returns- every young adult could use some objective advice about healthy coping mechanisms. This way she takes some responsibility for her own well-being.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I came home at 30+ and my parents were thrilled to have me and help pick me up. I can’t imagine someone refusing to help their own kid, especially this young.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a week home sounds like a great idea! I wish my parents had done this for me when I was her age. I was in a bad relationship in my 20’s and it took a long ring to get out, I sometimes wonder if I could have gotten out earlier if I had known my parents were there to support me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

+1 Since its a long flight extend to 3-4 days but definitely not a week. They need to focus back on college and graduating. PPs who are saying they would baby their son/daughter don't have adult kids yet!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a great idea to come home for a week while school is in session. I think a weekend, even a long weekend is fine, but otherwise she should wait for a school break.

[Anonymous]

I'd let her come home and when she's got her feet under her I'd help her make a list of things she can do to support HERSELF. What if you and DH die? She needs to be able to count on herself.

[Anonymous]

No, but I am not someone who uses the word "coddling" to describe caring for a loved one.

Someone close to you is having a hard time, going through a break up, showing signs of depression, not eating well. You want and are able to help them with some TLC for a week. They have asked for this help, which is a wonderful sign of trust and a strong relationship.

Where is the coddling? Who says that we have to learn to go through difficulties on our own? I want my child to learn that when she's struggling, ASK FOR HELP. And I also want her to learn to give help when she is able, should someone ask her. There's no coddling or indulgence here.

This is literally the way families and society is supposed to work, it's why they exist instead of everyone just fending for themselves in some kind of anarchic state, and some people have pathologized it as something nefarious. OP, your DH is subscribing to some dumb and toxic ideas about rugged individualism that don't serve anyone. Kindly tell him he's welcome to not participate but you are going to do what you know is right.

FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

+1 Since its a long flight extend to 3-4 days but definitely not a week. They need to focus back on college and graduating. PPs who are saying they would baby their son/daughter don't have adult kids yet!

I have adult kids and would absolutely let them come home for a week. Life is tough. Sometimes you need your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her come home and when she's got her feet under her I'd help her make a list of things she can do to support HERSELF. What if you and DH die? She needs to be able to count on herself.

Jesus you are mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I came home at 30+ and my parents were thrilled to have me and help pick me up. I can’t imagine someone refusing to help their own kid, especially this young.

I was one of the people who said a weekend, not a week. Did you leave school for a week while it was in session? Even leaving a job where you have leave saved up would be better than leaving school for a week.