Am I coddling my DD by allowing her to come home when she's going through a rough patch?
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Anonymous
| A week is fine, but I also get where your DH is coming from. It sounds like her main support system is parents, aunts and uncles, and cousins who I'm guessing aren't the same age. I'd be concerned about her lack of friends at school, especially since she feels lonely. I think it is great that she finds comfort and support with her parents. But at 21, I think its important to develop a peer support group too. |
Anonymous
A lot of 21 year olds live at home during college. |
Anonymous
What’s mean about trying to help her become self sufficient? I think it’s a kindness. (that wasn’t my post you responded to). |
Anonymous
| Yes, she should come home. |
Anonymous
| My DD is same age, just turned 21, and she comes home usually only once per semester, possibly twice. Is two hour drive away. However, she calls 2x/day. |
Anonymous
I think it's important to develop peer support groups too, but I also think it's important to remember this is someone who had their first two years of college disrupted by Covid. I am not at all surprised that she doesn't have a group of friends who can help her through this, and I'm also not surprised that she is turning to her parents for help. She's had a very different college experience than you might have, I would cut her some slack. |
Anonymous
| Could she come home for, say, Sat-Sun-Mon instead? |
Anonymous
Very white American answer. |
Anonymous
+1 I lived at home for the summer between college and grad school. I had a job and took care of myself -- did my own laundry, cleaned my bathroom, etc. It is exceedingly normal for adults this age to spend periods of time with their parents, if there is room and it's not overly burdensome, because it's a weirdly transient time period. Living in temporary housing or living with roommates, working for short periods of time in internships and campus gigs, starting over with new classes every 4 months or so. If PP had said "but really people she is 27," I'd feel there was a point there. But 21? She's a college kid. College kids turn to their parents for support all the time. This is very typical. |
Anonymous
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Yes, she should come home. If she’s going through a rough patch and wants to spend some time at home, she absolutely should. The job of a parent doesn’t end at 18.
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Anonymous
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I would go visit her. That's just me. Even if just for the weekend. Stay in a hotel. She can stay with you a night or two but I assume she has a living situation, for herself, as a choice, which is not living with her boyfriend.
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Anonymous
| OP, be prepared for the possibility that she may not want to go back in a timely manner if she comes home for a week. Which may actually be the best thing for her at this time, I cannot say whether it would be or not, if she is indeed suffering from depression or ED. |
Anonymous
| The not eating part is really concerning. |
Anonymous
| I don’t see how coming home while school is in session makes any sense. I agree with pp’s who say a weekend is fine, a week is not. School is her job right now. You don’t miss a week of your job because your boyfriend is breaking up with you. |
Anonymous
BS, nitwit. I am the whitest, most American person ever. I would literally go and pick up my daughter, then drive her back whenever she felt like leaving. Don't be a racist. |