Accepting my LGBTQ children

[Anonymous]

I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

I think this is naive. We all want our children to have lives filled with people who love them, opportunity, joy, etc. and I think it's normal to worry when you learn that they are a part of a group that, even today, faces more challenges, prejudices, and risks. Life is not fair and this country has ugliness everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

I think this is naive. We all want our children to have lives filled with people who love them, opportunity, joy, etc. and I think it's normal to worry when you learn that they are a part of a group that, even today, faces more challenges, prejudices, and risks. Life is not fair and this country has ugliness everywhere.

Yes, because women in heterosexual relationships are so happy and safe and well-cared for. /sarcasm. OP, think about why you actually care about the sex/gender of your child's partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

I think this is naive. We all want our children to have lives filled with people who love them, opportunity, joy, etc. and I think it's normal to worry when you learn that they are a part of a group that, even today, faces more challenges, prejudices, and risks. Life is not fair and this country has ugliness everywhere.

Meh that's the same excuse my dad gave when he objected to interracial dating. You're reaching.

I might advise my lesbian daughter to not be butch-appearing and become an uber driver, because she'd be alone in a vehicle with God knows who crazy man. But just living her life with her "roomate"? Why should that bother me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

OP is simply working on processing it. Not everyone thinks and feels the same as you, and that's okay. Has she disowned her children? Has she turned her back on them? No. She's loving them, she's working on accepting it, and she may feel differently down the line, she may not. And that is OKAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

I don't know who you are or what your situation is but I know very few queer people that came out to their parents and had it go well. They're almost all traumatized by the experience. It's great that the OP is trying to not let her kids know that she's disappointed in the people that they are to spare them the trauma BUT the fact that she isn't happy just because they're queer is definitely homophobia. It's not like, overt, slur spewing homophobia but it is still homophobia. Again, I don't know you but I see a lot of heterosexual cisgender people come here and discuss LGBTQ issues as though they are an authority or as though their opinions are highly valuable in a group of people that they are not a part of. I don't know if you're queer or not. If you are, I don't know what your parents reactions were. But I can tell you that if someone's child finds out that their parent is disappointed that they're gay (or bi or trans), that's not great for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

I don't know who you are or what your situation is but I know very few queer people that came out to their parents and had it go well. They're almost all traumatized by the experience. It's great that the OP is trying to not let her kids know that she's disappointed in the people that they are to spare them the trauma BUT the fact that she isn't happy just because they're queer is definitely homophobia. It's not like, overt, slur spewing homophobia but it is still homophobia. Again, I don't know you but I see a lot of heterosexual cisgender people come here and discuss LGBTQ issues as though they are an authority or as though their opinions are highly valuable in a group of people that they are not a part of. I don't know if you're queer or not. If you are, I don't know what your parents reactions were. But I can tell you that if someone's child finds out that their parent is disappointed that they're gay (or bi or trans), that's not great for them.

I’m a gay man. I came out at 20, 25 years ago. I don’t think it went poorly with my parents at all and I don’t think that most gay people I know would say it went poorly. And that was 25 years ago. Today it would be far easier in general. I will caveat that with I’m a white man from a family with a lot of power of privilege, but I think you have overstated the negative parental reaction. For some it is really bad, but I don’t think that in general that is a fair assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

I don't know who you are or what your situation is but I know very few queer people that came out to their parents and had it go well. They're almost all traumatized by the experience. It's great that the OP is trying to not let her kids know that she's disappointed in the people that they are to spare them the trauma BUT the fact that she isn't happy just because they're queer is definitely homophobia. It's not like, overt, slur spewing homophobia but it is still homophobia. Again, I don't know you but I see a lot of heterosexual cisgender people come here and discuss LGBTQ issues as though they are an authority or as though their opinions are highly valuable in a group of people that they are not a part of. I don't know if you're queer or not. If you are, I don't know what your parents reactions were. But I can tell you that if someone's child finds out that their parent is disappointed that they're gay (or bi or trans), that's not great for them.

I’m a gay man. I came out at 20, 25 years ago. I don’t think it went poorly with my parents at all and I don’t think that most gay people I know would say it went poorly. And that was 25 years ago. Today it would be far easier in general. I will caveat that with I’m a white man from a family with a lot of power of privilege, but I think you have overstated the negative parental reaction. For some it is really bad, but I don’t think that in general that is a fair assessment.

For me, I grew up in the south. My family is white evangelical. My mother literally stopped watching Ellen when she came out. She hates queer people. She and I are estranged. I guess I know other LGBT people that grew up in a similar environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

NP. Maybe people are getting tired of holding the hands of people who are supposed to love their kids unconditionally while they come to terms with their homophobia and coddling them while they work to tolerate the gays.

I'm a parent of two LGBTQ kids, 17 & 20, one of each gender. I am struggling to empathize with OP. I just don't understand why it would affect someone's feelings toward her children, aside from being homophobic. If it were an interracial relationship she weren't comfortable with, I'd be equally unsympathetic about OP having trouble accepting it.

OP really needs to figure this out, because unless she's a wonderful actor, the kids will be able to tell she's unhappy. That's going to suck for them, and it's going to affect her relationship with them and her kids' partners. I think the therapy suggestion could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

NP. Maybe people are getting tired of holding the hands of people who are supposed to love their kids unconditionally while they come to terms with their homophobia and coddling them while they work to tolerate the gays.

I'm a parent of two LGBTQ kids, 17 & 20, one of each gender. I am struggling to empathize with OP. I just don't understand why it would affect someone's feelings toward her children, aside from being homophobic. If it were an interracial relationship she weren't comfortable with, I'd be equally unsympathetic about OP having trouble accepting it.

OP really needs to figure this out, because unless she's a wonderful actor, the kids will be able to tell she's unhappy. That's going to suck for them, and it's going to affect her relationship with them and her kids' partners. I think the therapy suggestion could be helpful.

Nowhere did op say that it affects her feelings toward her kids.She’s disappointed in herself, she makes that clear.
My best friends daughter is gay and she had a hard time with it. Then her daughter got a girlfriend and my friend was surprised at how happy she was when her daughter got a girlfriend. She loved seeing her daughter so happy. So there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have zero interest in my child's sexual life. Apart from I hope they are healthy, happy, treated well.... The only people whose sexual life I am interested in are people I am romantically attracted to. What any body else does is of NO interest to me.
Your child is a soul, wrapped in a body. The genitals of the body are irrelevant. As is how your child chooses to enjoy their flesh or enjoy it with other people.

I wish you could just focus on what's important - loving the person you love, and not caring about their flesh (beyond health) or relationships. I mean really, what difference does it make?

Perhaps, but would OP feel sad if her kid were marrying someone of a different race? That, too, makes life more difficult and yet I don’t think OP would feel the same way. I think OP is right to be ashamed of her feelings and good on her for realizing she should work to change them, it’s for her kids’ and her sake. The stakes are too high (to their relationship) to complacently say, it’s my feelings, so it’s fiiiiiiiine, it’s not about homophobia at all…sorry, but that’s bullshit. OP, you’re on the right track; keep working on it. It will pay off in the long run, no matter who your kids end up with.

Feeling shame about your child's queer identity when you would not feel that shame for them being straight is homophobia.

NP. Right, that’s what PP is saying. They’re saying it’s bullshit to deny that it’s about homophobia.

You all are being really harsh. She started this post because she loves her kids and wants to do and be better. Is this really helping? You have anger about this, and that may be justifiable, but I really wish you could be helpful without being so aggressive.

NP. Maybe people are getting tired of holding the hands of people who are supposed to love their kids unconditionally while they come to terms with their homophobia and coddling them while they work to tolerate the gays.

I'm a parent of two LGBTQ kids, 17 & 20, one of each gender. I am struggling to empathize with OP. I just don't understand why it would affect someone's feelings toward her children, aside from being homophobic. If it were an interracial relationship she weren't comfortable with, I'd be equally unsympathetic about OP having trouble accepting it.

OP really needs to figure this out, because unless she's a wonderful actor, the kids will be able to tell she's unhappy. That's going to suck for them, and it's going to affect her relationship with them and her kids' partners. I think the therapy suggestion could be helpful.

Nowhere did op say that it affects her feelings toward her kids.She’s disappointed in herself, she makes that clear.
My best friends daughter is gay and she had a hard time with it. Then her daughter got a girlfriend and my friend was surprised at how happy she was when her daughter got a girlfriend. She loved seeing her daughter so happy. So there’s that.

A gay person finds a partner and the straight people are surprised that they're happy. There's some degree of homophobia in there whether you want to admit it or not. It should come as no surprise to anyone that they would be happy when they start dating a new person. Gay people are literally the same as straight people. That's also what's wrong with the OP. You can defend her all day long but it's absolutely some degree of light homophobia, even if she realizes it's wrong. It's how she feels. It's not a tragedy to have gay kids. It's fine. We're literally normal people trying to live normal lives.