Why is it MCPS policy to not share discipline measures of other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because your definition of just and fair may not be the same as the school's. They have more information about the child's situation than you do. It's possible the child was suspended due to repeated offenses. As a parent I don't think suspension really helps so I might think that's "fair." If you're the parent it sounds like you might want something severe like that but if the school instead just gave out a detention you might be creating more trouble for everyone.

It's best that you don't know.

OP here, this I can somewhat understand.

In this instance, I would be fine with lunch detention. The girl threatened and kicked my daughter. But you're right, some parents would want more and you can't leave that kind of decision up to the parents.

Which is why there should be a standard escalation that they can share:

I would expect something like this:

"Since this is the 1st offensive interaction with Mary and your daughter, we're going to pull her aside, call her parents and give her lunch detention. If the behavior persists, we'll then escalate it to in-school suspension, and if that doesn't work, then we'll look at removing her from the classroom."

Doesn't have to be those specific punishments and in that order, but that kind of specific action, escalation path and clarity would give reassurance to my daughter and other kids who are the receiving end of bad behavior at school. She would know and see that the kid who is making school uncomfortable for her won't just get away with it forever.

This will almost NEVER happen. You might be able to request that YOUR child gets moved to a different classroom, but you will not get the other child moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, we had a minor conflict or issue with DD and another girl at school last week. I reached out to the teacher via email and was told they would address it and was reminded: "I will not be able to share with you how other students are being disciplined, per MCPS policy."

And it strikes me as really wrongheaded. Part of making kids feel whole when there's a conflict is knowing that consequences (hopefully just and fair ones) are being doled out for the parties involved. A victim of a crime gets to know if their assaulter is sentenced.

So how and why did MCPS get to a place where the parents of a child who's being bullied or harassed don't have the ability to reassure their child that the bully or antagonist is being appropriately punished? Who's idea was this?

It's a FERPA violation. The idea was the federal government's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

This is kind of true in MCPS though. She’s not wrong.

Our ES has had some crazy (NOT minor) issues with behaviors. We had one kid essentially assault another kid. One who punched a teacher in the stomach. One who threw a trash can. All the kids were back in class that same day.

I agree that MCPS should do a better job with discipline and that MCPS should be more transparent about what the consequences are for poor behavior.

Unfortunately, the reality is that there are very few consequences for poor behavior. Which might be why they choose not to share. The kids learn that early and you will see the behavior continue to get worse as your child progresses through MS.

OP here. I grew up in the MCPS system in the 90s and it wasn't like this before. What changed???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because your definition of just and fair may not be the same as the school's. They have more information about the child's situation than you do. It's possible the child was suspended due to repeated offenses. As a parent I don't think suspension really helps so I might think that's "fair." If you're the parent it sounds like you might want something severe like that but if the school instead just gave out a detention you might be creating more trouble for everyone.

It's best that you don't know.

OP here, this I can somewhat understand.

In this instance, I would be fine with lunch detention. The girl threatened and kicked my daughter. But you're right, some parents would want more and you can't leave that kind of decision up to the parents.

Which is why there should be a standard escalation that they can share:

I would expect something like this:

"Since this is the 1st offensive interaction with Mary and your daughter, we're going to pull her aside, call her parents and give her lunch detention. If the behavior persists, we'll then escalate it to in-school suspension, and if that doesn't work, then we'll look at removing her from the classroom."

Doesn't have to be those specific punishments and in that order, but that kind of specific action, escalation path and clarity would give reassurance to my daughter and other kids who are the receiving end of bad behavior at school. She would know and see that the kid who is making school uncomfortable for her won't just get away with it forever.

This will almost NEVER happen. You might be able to request that YOUR child gets moved to a different classroom, but you will not get the other child moved.

So instead of the offender getting punished, the victim does instead? What a f**ked up system. No wonder kids have given up hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

So...the lesson you want me to impart to my daughter is that someone who threatens and kicks her can get away with it and she shouldn't expect the school system, who is tasked with her safety and wellbeing, to take meaningful steps to prevent her classmates from harming her and accept whatever vague, hand-wavy reassurances they give regardless of if they sound credible or not?

Do you realize how depressing this sounds? You're basically saying, "Teach your daughter not to expect accountability in the institutions we're supposed to place our trust in."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

I'm not OP, but I am PP whose DD had a problem with a boy in her class last year and not enough was done to stop it. I understand your point, but here is what happens when schools abdicate their responsibility to keeps kids safe and punish kids for bad behavior -- kids engage in self-help and for the most part, the adults are never happy with how the kids try to resolve these issues. And often, the victim who is finally defending themselves is the person who gets in trouble. In addition, you have 11 and 12 year olds (and older), who now know that the adults around them aren't going to protect them and they lose respect for those adults and their behavior communicates that fact. And then school staff wonders why kids are so disrespectful. I really appreciate teachers and school staff but if you want my kid's respect, you are going to have to earn it. That's just how she is. And if you weren't willing to protect her from other kids, don't call me to complain that she is rolling her eyes at you or not speaking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

So...the lesson you want me to impart to my daughter is that someone who threatens and kicks her can get away with it and she shouldn't expect the school system, who is tasked with her safety and wellbeing, to take meaningful steps to prevent her classmates from harming her and accept whatever vague, hand-wavy reassurances they give regardless of if they sound credible or not?

Do you realize how depressing this sounds? You're basically saying, "Teach your daughter not to expect accountability in the institutions we're supposed to place our trust in."

No. That's not what I am saying. I am saying that she should speak up when she is being harmed and that she should take notice of whether the behavior/situation changes. If it doesn't, she should speak up again. What she shouldn't do is focus on being notified that the other party received some sort of punishment. She should absolutely expect the school system to make a change- one that she should be able to observe personally, not through reporting on what happened to some other child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

So...the lesson you want me to impart to my daughter is that someone who threatens and kicks her can get away with it and she shouldn't expect the school system, who is tasked with her safety and wellbeing, to take meaningful steps to prevent her classmates from harming her and accept whatever vague, hand-wavy reassurances they give regardless of if they sound credible or not?

Do you realize how depressing this sounds? You're basically saying, "Teach your daughter not to expect accountability in the institutions we're supposed to place our trust in."

No. That's not what I am saying. I am saying that she should speak up when she is being harmed and that she should take notice of whether the behavior/situation changes. If it doesn't, she should speak up again. What she shouldn't do is focus on being notified that the other party received some sort of punishment. She should absolutely expect the school system to make a change- one that she should be able to observe personally, not through reporting on what happened to some other child.

But the reason she's NOT speaking up to the school system is because she's not SEEING consequences for bad behavior. It's a vicious cycle that feeds itself. If you want kids to trust the system and tell when they're being harmed, you have to demonstrate how the system holds everyone accountable for their actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

I'm not OP, but I am PP whose DD had a problem with a boy in her class last year and not enough was done to stop it. I understand your point, but here is what happens when schools abdicate their responsibility to keeps kids safe and punish kids for bad behavior -- kids engage in self-help and for the most part, the adults are never happy with how the kids try to resolve these issues. And often, the victim who is finally defending themselves is the person who gets in trouble. In addition, you have 11 and 12 year olds (and older), who now know that the adults around them aren't going to protect them and they lose respect for those adults and their behavior communicates that fact. And then school staff wonders why kids are so disrespectful. I really appreciate teachers and school staff but if you want my kid's respect, you are going to have to earn it. That's just how she is. And if you weren't willing to protect her from other kids, don't call me to complain that she is rolling her eyes at you or not speaking to you.

OP here, and yes. I co-sign this 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

So...the lesson you want me to impart to my daughter is that someone who threatens and kicks her can get away with it and she shouldn't expect the school system, who is tasked with her safety and wellbeing, to take meaningful steps to prevent her classmates from harming her and accept whatever vague, hand-wavy reassurances they give regardless of if they sound credible or not?

Do you realize how depressing this sounds? You're basically saying, "Teach your daughter not to expect accountability in the institutions we're supposed to place our trust in."

No. That's not what I am saying. I am saying that she should speak up when she is being harmed and that she should take notice of whether the behavior/situation changes. If it doesn't, she should speak up again. What she shouldn't do is focus on being notified that the other party received some sort of punishment. She should absolutely expect the school system to make a change- one that she should be able to observe personally, not through reporting on what happened to some other child.

But the reason she's NOT speaking up to the school system is because she's not SEEING consequences for bad behavior. It's a vicious cycle that feeds itself. If you want kids to trust the system and tell when they're being harmed, you have to demonstrate how the system holds everyone accountable for their actions.

First, to be clear, I am NOT here defending how MCPS handles behavioral issues. I don't have personal experience, but anecdotally I certainly hear that it is unsatisfactory.

What I am saying is that a functioning system isn't based on telling people what individual discipline was issued (ie "Johnny has lunch detention for the next five days") but rather actually changing the behavior, or ensuring that it does not affect other children (ie Johnny is no longer kicking Susie at recess.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

Wow. So, if OP's daughter is assaulted, or touched inappropriately in school, this is the main message you want to send?

Sounds like the OP's daughter did use her voice to speak up. The OP is asking, now that her daughter has spoken up, what is going to be done about it? And, what can she tell her daughter is being done about it.

Even if you don't want OP to focus on retribution/consequences, the school should be able to provide a plan going forward as to what will happen the next time such an incident occurs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

Wow. So, if OP's daughter is assaulted, or touched inappropriately in school, this is the main message you want to send?

Sounds like the OP's daughter did use her voice to speak up. The OP is asking, now that her daughter has spoken up, what is going to be done about it? And, what can she tell her daughter is being done about it.

Even if you don't want OP to focus on retribution/consequences, the school should be able to provide a plan going forward as to what will happen the next time such an incident occurs.

OP here. Thank you!

Sidenote: OP is not a mom, but a dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

OP I say this with the best intentions and no snark: Consider this an opportunity for your daughter to learn about how the world actually operates, as opposed to trying to change your child's immediate environment in a way that is not preparing her for the real world. Talk to her about only being able to control yourself and not others, to use her voice to speak up when she is wronged and take steps to correct. Try to redirect attention away from thinking about retribution/consequences/discipline for others.

Wow. So, if OP's daughter is assaulted, or touched inappropriately in school, this is the main message you want to send?

Sounds like the OP's daughter did use her voice to speak up. The OP is asking, now that her daughter has spoken up, what is going to be done about it? And, what can she tell her daughter is being done about it.

Even if you don't want OP to focus on retribution/consequences, the school should be able to provide a plan going forward as to what will happen the next time such an incident occurs.

PP you are responding to. I wholeheartedly agree with the bolded. As to the first part, you misunderstand what I am saying. That may be because I was unclear- your last sentence helps. It is exactly what I was attempting to say- though not a plan for what will happen to the other child, the next time something occurs. But rather that they are taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.

[Anonymous]

It's not only MCPS. DS's friend was kicked in the head by another boy in 7th grade and sustained a concussion at a much talked about private. DS was with him and so got 'involved' (ie pushed the bully). DS had no idea how it was dealt with and nursed a strong sense of grievance because there was no evidence of justice being meted out. It's not enough for justice to be done but it has to be seen to be done. It doesn't have to be in all its details, just enough so others understand the system will protect them. Otherwise, as pointed out by others, the kids lose respect for the system.