Mom asks for play date and then suggests my house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is rude, but is it possible that she has actual reasons for not wanting to host other than being “a taker”? Maybe her home is small and she’s embarrassed or something.

In this case, I’d suggest a play date at my house when I was prepared to have one and would assume that she means them to happen at my house every time. If I don’t want to do that, maybe I’d suggest another location (e.g., meet at the Zoo or playground or breakfast or whatever) and if she suggests my house, tell her the house isn’t company-ready and leave it at that.

This. It is rude, but it’s really not worth your time to figure out why she’s rude or get upset about it. I’d just focus on the important part: does your daughter want a play date with this friend? If yes, invite. If no, don’t invite.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's embarrassed by her home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's embarrassed by her home.

Np. Then she should host at a park or indoor playground. Being a taker is not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is rude, but is it possible that she has actual reasons for not wanting to host other than being “a taker”? Maybe her home is small and she’s embarrassed or something.

In this case, I’d suggest a play date at my house when I was prepared to have one and would assume that she means them to happen at my house every time. If I don’t want to do that, maybe I’d suggest another location (e.g., meet at the Zoo or playground or breakfast or whatever) and if she suggests my house, tell her the house isn’t company-ready and leave it at that.

This. It is rude, but it’s really not worth your time to figure out why she’s rude or get upset about it. I’d just focus on the important part: does your daughter want a play date with this friend? If yes, invite. If no, don’t invite.

Exactly.

Give people like this an inch, they’ll take a mile.

[Anonymous]

Or you could give people the benefit of the doubt. Show some grace. Be the bigger person. When they go low, you go high

[Anonymous]

Weird. I would do this with a friend “Hey Jane, I’ve got errands to run, can I drop Emily at your house for a few hours Sat afternoon”. Never with someone I don’t know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could give people the benefit of the doubt. Show some grace. Be the bigger person. When they go low, you go high

This is OK for family members but enabling constant taking by people who aren't your friends is called being a sucker.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s very rude. I’d move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s looking for babysitting.

+1 she’s using you. That’s why it makes you feel the way it does.

[Anonymous]

Some people don’t mind being asked to host because they love to host and they don’t even notice the lack of reciprocation. Others get annoyed not only due to the time and energy required to host, but also the sheer principle of reciprocation. People who are in the position of reciprocating, but never do, will be able to take from generous people who don’t mind, or will be ostracized by people who do mind. And unfortunately their kids will suffer from this.

My kid has a casual friend whose mom is always sending out a text blast, “Whose kids are going to xx event tomorrow? Just trying to see if anyone wants to carpool”. It’s well known that she doesn’t want to carpool, she wants rides for her kid. She will also ask to drop off early/pick up late. If a parent offers to drive kids back from a game and drop everyone off at the bus stop, she will ask her kid be dropped off at her house afterwards. She has a full time nanny and doesn’t work, in case anyone is wondering. The reason she can’t drive or needs to drop off late or pick up early is always due to a dinner or event she is attending, and the nanny is busy picking up/dropping off her other kid. Her husband is either at dinner with her or travelling.

I’ve never talked about her lack of reciprocation with anyone but my husband, but I must not be alone. I have noticed that before school events, a group chat has come into existence without her to arrange rides for kids. I think a parent or two got annoyed and left her out on purpose. I am guilty by omission because although I didn’t start this group, I am participating and not telling her about it. So now when she sends out her blast text, rides have already been arranged on this other group chat. Someone will say, “Sorry my car is full”, or “I can bring your kid back, but you have to pick up from the school bus stop at 8 pm”. Her kid is still getting some rides, but no one is offering to cater to her requests to drop off early, etc. I don’t know her well, so I’m not sure if she knows what’s going on. I believe it’s a natural consequence of never reciprocating, but can’t decide if I’m being mean by not telling her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s looking for babysitting.

+1 she’s using you. That’s why it makes you feel the way it does.

She’s looking for babysitting or there’s a reason she can’t host. Other people/animals in the home or state of the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could give people the benefit of the doubt. Show some grace. Be the bigger person. When they go low, you go high

No. Don’t be a doormat. Takers and users love doormats.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore this person. You don’t owe her explanation. Her behavior is weird, honestly, it’s very pushy. Who knows what else is in store? This is not your daughters best friend, just some school friend.

[Anonymous]

Be direct. "I'd love to come over to yours for the next playdate" and then see how she reacts. Who knows what her reason is for not hosting but I'd be annoyed as well if only ever I got to host.

[Anonymous]

Don’t argue about this and force yourself to her home. She clearly wants a play date at your place only, for whatever reason. You don’t want this, so ignore. I would not be comfortable pushing for a playdate at this persons home.