Mom asks for play date and then suggests my house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

I don’t understand why you can’t host with a younger child? I find it easier to have kids over here so I don’t have to drag along the little brother to drop off and pick up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

I don’t understand why you can’t host with a younger child? I find it easier to have kids over here so I don’t have to drag along the little brother to drop off and pick up?

It depends on ages. I have 2 elementary kids and 1 in middle school. When kids were younger, I hosted kids all the time for my older 2 when youngest was a baby/toddler. Now I host more for my youbgest.

Depending on temperament and ages, younger sibling can bother the older kids. I know my middle school child never wants his friends to come over because his younger siblings will want to play with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a friend and we have hosted a few play dates. We hosted one right before break. Mom asks if my daughter can have a play date and I say yes. I assume she is inviting my child to her house. I confirm time and date and she asks if it can be at our house. I had holiday errands to run and I say no. Mom chooses another date and asks if my daughter is available for a play date. I said yes and then she says again is our house ok. I am just not answering her.

It is rude to ask for a play date and only suggest my house, right?

I always tell my kids that they cannot invite themselves over to others’ houses.

Yes, it's rude unless you're BFFs and she knows that this won't bother you. You're doing the right thing by pushing back once and ignoring on the second time. She's basically pulling a bait and switch. It would be different if she said, "Larla enjoyed playing at your house so much last time and has been begging to come back over. Is there any way we could schedule a time for her to come over and play? I'll reciprocate by hosting your kid/taking them to the movies/whatever."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Are you asking for Sally to come over to your house for a play date, or are you asking me to babysit Jane in my home?”

+100

This is good.

It’s good if you don’t want your child to be friends with this child any more.

We have plenty of friends whose parents aren’t rude, manipulative takers. So…works for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We very rarely do playdates at anyone’s house— we always meet up at a playground or some other neutral location. I always make this clear when initiating— I would never invite myself or my kid to someone’s house (& I also usually don’t want to host).

Agree. I would never do this and I hate hosting. If I want to initiate a play date, I say “Hi, my daughter would love a playdate. I was thinking we could meet at the park this Sunday afternoon.” There are tons of ways to initiate a play date without inviting your kid over someone’s house while you go off and have some free time. She definitely just wants some personal time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

Does this mean you are OK with your kids growing up in a house that is always unwelcome to guests? If so that’s not good for your child. You should make an effort and clean up at least 1 room and the bathroom that guests would use. It doesn’t need to be really neat and tidy, just enough so you’re not embarrassed to have a guest. Do it for your kids’ sake. If you really cannot clean 2 rooms, offer a play date at a playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Are you asking for Sally to come over to your house for a play date, or are you asking me to babysit Jane in my home?”

+100

This is good.

no it’s not good. it escalates the situation - to what end?

it’s much better to just keep silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Are you asking for Sally to come over to your house for a play date, or are you asking me to babysit Jane in my home?”

+100

This is good.

no it’s not good. it escalates the situation - to what end?

it’s much better to just keep silent.

That response is funny, yes. But I wouldn’t actually say that. I would simply respond you can’t have the playdate at your house and leave it at that. If she then offers another location or her house, great. If not, I wouldn’t converse further

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Are you asking for Sally to come over to your house for a play date, or are you asking me to babysit Jane in my home?”

+100

This is good.

no it’s not good. it escalates the situation - to what end?

it’s much better to just keep silent.

It doesn’t not “escalate” a “situation.” It clarifies. If they are asking for free babysitting, they need to come out and say it. “To what end”? To the end where you either come out and ask for a favor, directly, or you realize you can’t get away with manipulating people into free babysitting and leave them alone. Or maybe you’ll wake up, realize your gaffe, and invite them over if they have graciously hosted your kid in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Are you asking for Sally to come over to your house for a play date, or are you asking me to babysit Jane in my home?”

+100

This is good.

no it’s not good. it escalates the situation - to what end?

it’s much better to just keep silent.

It doesn’t not “escalate” a “situation.” It clarifies. If they are asking for free babysitting, they need to come out and say it. “To what end”? To the end where you either come out and ask for a favor, directly, or you realize you can’t get away with manipulating people into free babysitting and leave them alone. Or maybe you’ll wake up, realize your gaffe, and invite them over if they have graciously hosted your kid in the past.

i don't understand why you think OP should still pursue a playdate with this person. just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry Larla, the way you phrased your question, I thought you were inviting my daughter at your house for a playdate. LOL!! That is the reason that I said "yes".

Unfortunately, I cannot host your child at my home for a playdate because I have other commitments. I will text you when it is convenient time and then perhaps both the girls can have a playdate. For the month of January, we are very busy, but I am hoping that stars will align soon for the girls to get together.

Happy New Year. "

That is good. A blatant transactional deal is also fine. Can larla play at your house on this day at this time do that I can go do x. In return, I will host them on this day at this time so that you can go do y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

This is the poster. No, none of them has hosted my kid yet, but they just say that their kids want some friendship & want to have playdate sometime. They either find my contact thru school, or we exchange a few words upon pickup/dropoff in a rush, or the text me. It is just weird that it was them suggesting it, and I response back saying sure. Are they expecting me to host it or take the action to plan it? My younger child is 3 year old, and it is no way that I can entertain him while I am hosting 1:1 in my small/messy home.

The other families mostly have an only child (boy) or they have a boy with older/younger sisters. My child does not mind playdate, but in reality, he does not need one because he has many social time (before care/after care/weekend sport/gym class & playground). It was them suggesting it, I suppose it should be them following up with possible date/time/location at the beginning. My kid has geeky interests, and I can tell you that kid would get bored playing at my house. Other than a ton of baby toys, there are no toys but chess, boardgames, card games, books, stuff animals, puzzles and video games. If I suggest to take them (which I don't mind paying) indoor playground or D&B, my boy may end up playing solo or playing with other kids. I cannot guarantee that he will stuck playing with the playdate kid the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

This is the poster. No, none of them has hosted my kid yet, but they just say that their kids want some friendship & want to have playdate sometime. They either find my contact thru school, or we exchange a few words upon pickup/dropoff in a rush, or the text me. It is just weird that it was them suggesting it, and I response back saying sure. Are they expecting me to host it or take the action to plan it? My younger child is 3 year old, and it is no way that I can entertain him while I am hosting 1:1 in my small/messy home.

The other families mostly have an only child (boy) or they have a boy with older/younger sisters. My child does not mind playdate, but in reality, he does not need one because he has many social time (before care/after care/weekend sport/gym class & playground). It was them suggesting it, I suppose it should be them following up with possible date/time/location at the beginning. My kid has geeky interests, and I can tell you that kid would get bored playing at my house. Other than a ton of baby toys, there are no toys but chess, boardgames, card games, books, stuff animals, puzzles and video games. If I suggest to take them (which I don't mind paying) indoor playground or D&B, my boy may end up playing solo or playing with other kids. I cannot guarantee that he will stuck playing with the playdate kid the whole time.

Forgot to mention the age. My boy is a first grader, so we are talking about age 6/7 playdate when other mom suggests it. I don't think other moms will want to see their kids watching youtube or playing video games at that age in my house. And, I have not encountered other kids love to play chess/boardgames for hours.

[Anonymous]

Op have you asked to do it at her house? "Hey I have a bunch of stuff to do tomorrow, would you be able to host this time?" This is totally acceptable in your situation.

I have a friend who is 100% an asker and a taker. Her house is fine, she's capable of hosting, she just doesn't like to. Too much work and it's overwhelming for her. I think she needs to buck up and reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

This is the poster. No, none of them has hosted my kid yet, but they just say that their kids want some friendship & want to have playdate sometime. They either find my contact thru school, or we exchange a few words upon pickup/dropoff in a rush, or the text me. It is just weird that it was them suggesting it, and I response back saying sure. Are they expecting me to host it or take the action to plan it? My younger child is 3 year old, and it is no way that I can entertain him while I am hosting 1:1 in my small/messy home.

The other families mostly have an only child (boy) or they have a boy with older/younger sisters. My child does not mind playdate, but in reality, he does not need one because he has many social time (before care/after care/weekend sport/gym class & playground). It was them suggesting it, I suppose it should be them following up with possible date/time/location at the beginning. My kid has geeky interests, and I can tell you that kid would get bored playing at my house. Other than a ton of baby toys, there are no toys but chess, boardgames, card games, books, stuff animals, puzzles and video games. If I suggest to take them (which I don't mind paying) indoor playground or D&B, my boy may end up playing solo or playing with other kids. I cannot guarantee that he will stuck playing with the playdate kid the whole time.

Forgot to mention the age. My boy is a first grader, so we are talking about age 6/7 playdate when other mom suggests it. I don't think other moms will want to see their kids watching youtube or playing video games at that age in my house. And, I have not encountered other kids love to play chess/boardgames for hours.

What a bunch of excuses. I have two boys and a girl. My boys can entertain themselves with anything. My son was having a blast today with cardboard boxes and duct tape. Other son played some super Mario brothers on the switch. They both love board games. I prefer kids not be on screens when I’m hosting but I don’t care what they are doing at others. Same for food. I don’t want to serve junk food at my house. I don’t care what you serve. I’m just happy they get to go somewhere.