Mom asks for play date and then suggests my house

[Anonymous]

It’s rude but I wouldn’t really care if the main point is to get the kids together. Just host them when you can and don’t worry about the “score.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude but I wouldn’t really care if the main point is to get the kids together. Just host them when you can and don’t worry about the “score.”

It isn’t about “keeping score” it is about how it is rude to suggest you want to drop your kid off at someone’s house,
Period.

[Anonymous]

I had a mom do this to me and every time she was in the area for something she'd demand to come over. Her kid was really destructive so after a few visits, I just started saying no. I know she had others over and a big house so she was just using me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg! Happened to me! That was the tip of the iceberg. Run!!

Same here. And same here. It didn’t stop until I started ignoring texts. ‘Hey, can your DD play this afternoon? …. Great, what time should I drop Larla?’

[Anonymous]

It’s interesting to me how many people are very bothered by the fact that the rude lady is potentially using the other mom. I guess to me I’m not being used if I’m benefiting. If my child wants a playdate with rude woman’s kid, then it doesn’t bother me that I’m also being used while my child benefits from having a friend over.

[Anonymous]

I am well past the playdate stage but I encountered a few parents like this. Some were single moms and if they were direct about needing a few hours to get something done, I didn't mind at all. In another situation, the mom was a little pushy and things were slightly imbalanced but I was anxious to have my child at someone else's house so I was okay with this imbalance. In other situations, I was uncomfortable with the level of supervision ("I'll just send the kids to the basement while I get some work done!") so I hosted more often.

I always despised the parents who did the bait and switch. Someone used to invite my child only for me to find out later that it was the nanny watching them or taking them somewhere--not what I signed up for!

It could be a house issue--I had a small place that wasn't decorated the way I liked and for awhile didn't have people over.

OP, if you feel used, stop inviting. Or follow the PP's advice to ask for clarification. There could be a red flag at her house and you could be dodging a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

And yet millions of us manage to do just that, and some of us even — gasp! — have multiple kids besides the play date kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

I don’t understand why you can’t host with a younger child? I find it easier to have kids over here so I don’t have to drag along the little brother to drop off and pick up?

It depends on ages. I have 2 elementary kids and 1 in middle school. When kids were younger, I hosted kids all the time for my older 2 when youngest was a baby/toddler. Now I host more for my youbgest.

Depending on temperament and ages, younger sibling can bother the older kids. I know my middle school child never wants his friends to come over because his younger siblings will want to play with them.

And that’s when you engage in “parenting” of the younger siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

This is the poster. No, none of them has hosted my kid yet, but they just say that their kids want some friendship & want to have playdate sometime. They either find my contact thru school, or we exchange a few words upon pickup/dropoff in a rush, or the text me. It is just weird that it was them suggesting it, and I response back saying sure. Are they expecting me to host it or take the action to plan it? My younger child is 3 year old, and it is no way that I can entertain him while I am hosting 1:1 in my small/messy home.

The other families mostly have an only child (boy) or they have a boy with older/younger sisters. My child does not mind playdate, but in reality, he does not need one because he has many social time (before care/after care/weekend sport/gym class & playground). It was them suggesting it, I suppose it should be them following up with possible date/time/location at the beginning. My kid has geeky interests, and I can tell you that kid would get bored playing at my house. Other than a ton of baby toys, there are no toys but chess, boardgames, card games, books, stuff animals, puzzles and video games. If I suggest to take them (which I don't mind paying) indoor playground or D&B, my boy may end up playing solo or playing with other kids. I cannot guarantee that he will stuck playing with the playdate kid the whole time.

Yes, you can. Let the older kids play together. Clean your house and parent your three-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude but I wouldn’t really care if the main point is to get the kids together. Just host them when you can and don’t worry about the “score.”

It isn’t about “keeping score” it is about how it is rude to suggest you want to drop your kid off at someone’s house,
Period.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude but I wouldn’t really care if the main point is to get the kids together. Just host them when you can and don’t worry about the “score.”

Yeah this is my thought as well. If your kid and the other kid are friends and you generally like the other parents just go with the flow and host if you want. If you don't want to host then just offer back some vague "oh I can't do it at my house this time ..." with an excuse and try to work out another time/place. There is no need to come out blazing like so many of these other responses do unless you want to burn bridges and never have your kids play with this kid again. Also there is no reason to be rude yourself, which is what these other responses are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude but I wouldn’t really care if the main point is to get the kids together. Just host them when you can and don’t worry about the “score.”

Yeah this is my thought as well. If your kid and the other kid are friends and you generally like the other parents just go with the flow and host if you want. If you don't want to host then just offer back some vague "oh I can't do it at my house this time ..." with an excuse and try to work out another time/place. There is no need to come out blazing like so many of these other responses do unless you want to burn bridges and never have your kids play with this kid again. Also there is no reason to be rude yourself, which is what these other responses are.

Fortunately this type of behavior is really rare. In three kids (now two of them teens), I’ve only run into one parent like this. There’s too many other kids for mine to play with for me to make an effort for a family like this. They can see each other at school but I won’t be making the effort for my child to be friends with someone whose parents I don’t really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would love playdate, but he is also fine without playdate. My home is small and messy, and I cannot hold becauae I have younger child at home. There are some parents have reached out to me saying that there's do playdate sonetimes because their kids like my kid. I always say yes and sure. But often, things were dropped there and I don't understand why. They say their kids want to do playdate, but most do not offer a date/time/location. I don't folliw up because I know that I can't offer at my house, so I wait for them to ask them. It has happened a few times, abd I wonder why. Do pople just ask for playdate sometimes out of blue bug do not really mean it? They have invited my kud to their bday party in group, and so do we.

I don’t understand why you can’t host with a younger child? I find it easier to have kids over here so I don’t have to drag along the little brother to drop off and pick up?

It depends on ages. I have 2 elementary kids and 1 in middle school. When kids were younger, I hosted kids all the time for my older 2 when youngest was a baby/toddler. Now I host more for my youbgest.

Depending on temperament and ages, younger sibling can bother the older kids. I know my middle school child never wants his friends to come over because his younger siblings will want to play with them.

And that’s when you engage in “parenting” of the younger siblings.

Teen is an introvert. We have the largest house and host the least for him.

My middle child has friends over all the time. Siblings join or don’t join and he doesn’t care.

When my youngest has a play date, the older siblings do not bother her or her friend at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think we’re on the same page. Are you asking for Sally to come over to your house for a play date, or are you asking me to babysit Jane in my home?”

+100

This is good.

It’s good if you don’t want your child to be friends with this child any more.

We have plenty of friends whose parents aren’t rude, manipulative takers. So…works for me.

+1

Yeah, they are not doing you any favors, OP. Amazing how some moms seem to have no conscience or reciprocation. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

OP - are these drop off playdates? or does the mom come?