Tired of people implying I should have gotten an abortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a medically disabled child. Its not a condition you can test for. have no judgements on those that would terminate. This life isn't for everyone.

It’s one thing to withhold judgement for someone who chooses to abort a child who will need a level of parenting and medical support that a particular family can’t handle. It’s another to imply what a shame it is that someone did not abort their currently existing child.

+1 and I’m someone who might have terminated a significantly disabled fetus. I’m so sorry people suck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a medically disabled child. Its not a condition you can test for. have no judgements on those that would terminate. This life isn't for everyone.

It’s one thing to withhold judgement for someone who chooses to abort a child who will need a level of parenting and medical support that a particular family can’t handle. It’s another to imply what a shame it is that someone did not abort their currently existing child.

OP here. Exactly. And for the record, I am pro-choice. I made a choice to have this child, and that choice is not for everyone. It was not an easy choice for us, but I do not regret it. What is frustrating is having to defend my choice, and defend my child's right to be here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a medically disabled child. Its not a condition you can test for. have no judgements on those that would terminate. This life isn't for everyone.

It’s one thing to withhold judgement for someone who chooses to abort a child who will need a level of parenting and medical support that a particular family can’t handle. It’s another to imply what a shame it is that someone did not abort their currently existing child.

OP here. Exactly. And for the record, I am pro-choice. I made a choice to have this child, and that choice is not for everyone. It was not an easy choice for us, but I do not regret it. What is frustrating is having to defend my choice, and defend my child's right to be here.

I am pro-choice, too, and entirely appreciative and supportive of your choice. I mean, not that you need that, but just for the record.

The point is to make the choice right for you and your situation. You did.

[Anonymous]

I’m very sorry. For anyone to suggest that you should have aborted your child is just beyond rude and insensitive. I works not here kind in my response.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. The ableism of many otherwise-progressive people is a massive blind spot.

[Anonymous]

I spent years advocating for people with disabilities but I also spent years in the criminal justice system and I think knowing how awful this world can be I would not personally want to bring a disabled child into it, because eventually I would not be there to protect them. Other people see the world differently and are more hopeful about human nature. I’m sorry that some people have made you feel bad about having your child but consider that they may not be coming from a place of judging your child as underserving of being here, but rather as terribly vulnerable. It’s certainly a more pessimistic outlook but it isn’t intended as cruelty to you they more likely feel sympathy for the anxiety you will no doubt carry all your life and more as you age and know your child will be at the mercy of strangers for years after you are gone.

[Anonymous]

I hope you tell them what rude POSs they are when they say these things to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a medically disabled child. Its not a condition you can test for. have no judgements on those that would terminate. This life isn't for everyone.

It’s one thing to withhold judgement for someone who chooses to abort a child who will need a level of parenting and medical support that a particular family can’t handle. It’s another to imply what a shame it is that someone did not abort their currently existing child.

OP here. Exactly. And for the record, I am pro-choice. I made a choice to have this child, and that choice is not for everyone. It was not an easy choice for us, but I do not regret it. What is frustrating is having to defend my choice, and defend my child's right to be here.

I am pro-choice, too, and entirely appreciative and supportive of your choice. I mean, not that you need that, but just for the record.

The point is to make the choice right for you and your situation. You did.

OP here. Thanks. I appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They shouldn’t be saying it to your face, but 99% of those you meet think that.

OP here. I can't change what people think, unfortunately. All I ask is that people be a little more thoughtful before they speak. In any event, what would they have me do about it at this point? The decision was made, and DC is here. Such comments are not productive nor kind. Please don't say them to me, and please, please, please don't say them to my kid.

[Anonymous]

I’ve met hundreds of children with SN and never once thought oh this kid shouldn’t be alive. Every single child has brought joy to my life in some way despite the challenges.

Some people just say disgusting things.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. People say awful things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent years advocating for people with disabilities but I also spent years in the criminal justice system and I think knowing how awful this world can be I would not personally want to bring a disabled child into it, because eventually I would not be there to protect them. Other people see the world differently and are more hopeful about human nature. I’m sorry that some people have made you feel bad about having your child but consider that they may not be coming from a place of judging your child as underserving of being here, but rather as terribly vulnerable. It’s certainly a more pessimistic outlook but it isn’t intended as cruelty to you they more likely feel sympathy for the anxiety you will no doubt carry all your life and more as you age and know your child will be at the mercy of strangers for years after you are gone.

OP here. I hear you, and this was something we considered. And yes, I worry about my child's future every single day. We have taken steps to protect them legally and financially, and we have a very supportive family. I am hopeful that everything will work out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent years advocating for people with disabilities but I also spent years in the criminal justice system and I think knowing how awful this world can be I would not personally want to bring a disabled child into it, because eventually I would not be there to protect them. Other people see the world differently and are more hopeful about human nature. I’m sorry that some people have made you feel bad about having your child but consider that they may not be coming from a place of judging your child as underserving of being here, but rather as terribly vulnerable. It’s certainly a more pessimistic outlook but it isn’t intended as cruelty to you they more likely feel sympathy for the anxiety you will no doubt carry all your life and more as you age and know your child will be at the mercy of strangers for years after you are gone.

+1 OP seems a bit defensive

OP here. We're talking about both my judgement and my child. So yeah, I am defensive. But more than that, I am tired and disappointed. I knew that not everyone would agree with our decision, and I knew we would probably get some offensive comments at some point, but I didn't realize just how often I would have to have this particular conversation. People are much more open about their ableism than I had expected.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you have to hear that from anyone. I assume some of this is coming from others out of ignorance, not mean spiritedness. Pity them.

[Anonymous]

I actually had a doctor on my third pregnancy decide on his own not to do genetic testing. So i was waiting on testing that had happened on earlier pregnancies and all the deadlines passed when i asked him. In other words, he was a pro-life crazy going against medical standards. And by our state laws i could not have sued him.

Kid was totally normal but its pretty wild in pro-life states.