Is it a phase? Elder LGBTQ – post your thoughts please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish the acceptance and frankly awareness we have today was around when I was a kid. It took me until I was in my 30s, married, with a kid to come out fully even though I had tried to in my teens and faced massive internal and external homophobia that drove me back into the closet.

Kids will be who they are. There is no risk to them exploring their identities (well no more risk than hetero relationships, just make sure they understand all aspects of safe sex).

This, all of it. I suspect that the “thinking you’re gay when you’re not is like getting unnecessary chemotherapy” poster is not actually gay. Actual gay people know that the harm to gay kids of being closeted is much greater than the harm to straight kids that they might accidentally think they’re gay when they’re not.

-48yo actual gay person, not a fretful straight parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Nothing, except I think that the people who got over their homophobia due to social pressure rather than a change of heart moved over to transphobia. Trans people are somehow the acceptable whipping boys of the intolerant crowd re: morals and values.

The conversation you quoted would be like PP talking to her European neighbors, saying they know a lot of Europeans, there are several in their neighborhood, but they've never even met anyone from Venezuela. Or that they noticed several families have peanut allergies but they haven't met any vegans. It's not really related except one is about which gender you're attracted to and the other is about which gender you identify as, and both groups are on the receiving end of a lot of unnecessary judgment and hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Nothing, except I think that the people who got over their homophobia due to social pressure rather than a change of heart moved over to transphobia. Trans people are somehow the acceptable whipping boys of the intolerant crowd re: morals and values.

The conversation you quoted would be like PP talking to her European neighbors, saying they know a lot of Europeans, there are several in their neighborhood, but they've never even met anyone from Venezuela. Or that they noticed several families have peanut allergies but they haven't met any vegans. It's not really related except one is about which gender you're attracted to and the other is about which gender you identify as, and both groups are on the receiving end of a lot of unnecessary judgment and hate.

They’ve been mushed together under one alphabet umbrella. It’s no longer LGB, it’s LGBTQIAP+ now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not LGBTQ but I am 54.

There are 5 gay married couples on my DC block, all >50 y.o. Two are in their 70s. I am close friends with the 70/60 yr old married couple.

None of these people identify as trans, even though it's clearly safe for them to do so now in 2022. All are "gay" or "lesbian." I asked the same question as OP of my 70 yr old gay friend, who has a bazillion gay friends across the US and has been out for 50 years. His answer: he doesn't know a single person in his peer group who identifies as trans. They're gay, or lesbian, or heterosexual. Nobody is bi.

Being trans is very rare. Like, extremely rare. It's weird that people have become so obsessed with transgender people. Even your post is strange. Like, why even single out trans people in this way? This thread wasn't specifically trans related.

You seem unfamiliar with today’s middle schoolers. The portion of the population identifying as trans is in the double digits. It’s no longer “extremely rare”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Where there are so many female-attracted females who would rather be seen as men than as lesbians, then there is a connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Where there are so many female-attracted females who would rather be seen as men than as lesbians, then there is a connection.

But that’s not all encompassing of trans men. I mean, trans people are gay, straight, and bi after all. I don’t think sexual orientation and gender identity are related in that way. I mean, you’re saying female attracted trans men shouldn’t transition even though they feel they should. I checked, that’s 23% of trans men. What about the rest that identify as gay, bi, pan, etc? Should they transition? What about trans women who are male attracted or female attracted or pan etc? The trans people I know are 100% trans as hell. No doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not LGBTQ but I am 54.

There are 5 gay married couples on my DC block, all >50 y.o. Two are in their 70s. I am close friends with the 70/60 yr old married couple.

None of these people identify as trans, even though it's clearly safe for them to do so now in 2022. All are "gay" or "lesbian." I asked the same question as OP of my 70 yr old gay friend, who has a bazillion gay friends across the US and has been out for 50 years. His answer: he doesn't know a single person in his peer group who identifies as trans. They're gay, or lesbian, or heterosexual. Nobody is bi.

Being trans is very rare. Like, extremely rare. It's weird that people have become so obsessed with transgender people. Even your post is strange. Like, why even single out trans people in this way? This thread wasn't specifically trans related.

You seem unfamiliar with today’s middle schoolers. The portion of the population identifying as trans is in the double digits. It’s no longer “extremely rare”.

Do you have some survey or something showing that 10% of US middle schoolers are identifying as trans now? I mean, I could just say, no there aren’t that many. I’ve got kids in middle school too and I only heard of one trans kid in the middle school (this is true) and neither of my kids identify as trangender. One of my kids is friends with that kid. And we live in MoCo so it’s not like they’re betting tortured here by MAGA’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not LGBTQ but I am 54.

There are 5 gay married couples on my DC block, all >50 y.o. Two are in their 70s. I am close friends with the 70/60 yr old married couple.

None of these people identify as trans, even though it's clearly safe for them to do so now in 2022. All are "gay" or "lesbian." I asked the same question as OP of my 70 yr old gay friend, who has a bazillion gay friends across the US and has been out for 50 years. His answer: he doesn't know a single person in his peer group who identifies as trans. They're gay, or lesbian, or heterosexual. Nobody is bi.

Being trans is very rare. Like, extremely rare. It's weird that people have become so obsessed with transgender people. Even your post is strange. Like, why even single out trans people in this way? This thread wasn't specifically trans related.

You seem unfamiliar with today’s middle schoolers. The portion of the population identifying as trans is in the double digits. It’s no longer “extremely rare”.

Do you have some survey or something showing that 10% of US middle schoolers are identifying as trans now? I mean, I could just say, no there aren’t that many. I’ve got kids in middle school too and I only heard of one trans kid in the middle school (this is true) and neither of my kids identify as trangender. One of my kids is friends with that kid. And we live in MoCo so it’s not like they’re betting tortured here by MAGA’s.

https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/555880-pittsburgh-study-finds-1-in-10-teens-identify-as-gender-diverse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Glad you broke your no-posting rule 😊
As LGBTQ aligned as I am, I’m not going to lie – it hits different when it’s your own kid. I’m not coming here hoping that someone on this forum will say “it’s a phase” or “omg there is rainbow stuff everywhere making our kids gay.” I’m simply bringing this over to a different forum for a another, probably better, perspective.

OP, I suggest you read through this recent thread in this forum asking (I think?) the same question you are, but more clearly: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1039256.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Where there are so many female-attracted females who would rather be seen as men than as lesbians, then there is a connection.

But that’s not all encompassing of trans men. I mean, trans people are gay, straight, and bi after all. I don’t think sexual orientation and gender identity are related in that way. I mean, you’re saying female attracted trans men shouldn’t transition even though they feel they should. I checked, that’s 23% of trans men. What about the rest that identify as gay, bi, pan, etc? Should they transition? What about trans women who are male attracted or female attracted or pan etc? The trans people I know are 100% trans as hell. No doubt.

I just question the societal constructs that helped them arrive there. Of course all trans men aren’t this or that.
I’m pretty sure the majority trans men are female attracted.
Not sure for the non-binary females I know, many more of them are attracted to guys, and some of them don’t have anything about them perceivable as different from any other female, they just say they feel different and use they/them.
The female attracted trans women I know are VERY different from the male attracted ones I know who were typically very naturally effeminate from a young age. Having spent a lot of time around female attracted trans women, at their core their vibe is no different than a lot of sensitive geeky guys I’ve known.
Trans men that want to partner up with gay men (rare) are in for some hard times..
IME many people that partner up with trans people of either original sex are bi or pan. Nothing wrong with that.

I’m a gen-Xer. I don’t pass moral judgement, but I question authority. I am skeptical. I don’t necessarily accept things at face value.
Personally, I question the whole concept of gender and want to burn down the stereotypes.
What does it mean to be “trans as hell” anyway?

[Anonymous]

Oh, and to answer the OP. I am a cis female queer Gen Xer living a visibly queer life with a visibly queer job.

I also have a gender nonconforming kid.

It's FINE. The kids are absolutely fine. In fact, the kids are amazing. They are funny and smart and questioning everything and coming up with sometimes ridiculous new names, and it's all wonderful and perfect and cringe in exactly the way that teens are supposed to be wonderful and cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Where there are so many female-attracted females who would rather be seen as men than as lesbians, then there is a connection.

But that’s not all encompassing of trans men. I mean, trans people are gay, straight, and bi after all. I don’t think sexual orientation and gender identity are related in that way. I mean, you’re saying female attracted trans men shouldn’t transition even though they feel they should. I checked, that’s 23% of trans men. What about the rest that identify as gay, bi, pan, etc? Should they transition? What about trans women who are male attracted or female attracted or pan etc? The trans people I know are 100% trans as hell. No doubt.

I just question the societal constructs that helped them arrive there. Of course all trans men aren’t this or that.
I’m pretty sure the majority trans men are female attracted.
Not sure for the non-binary females I know, many more of them are attracted to guys, and some of them don’t have anything about them perceivable as different from any other female, they just say they feel different and use they/them.
The female attracted trans women I know are VERY different from the male attracted ones I know who were typically very naturally effeminate from a young age. Having spent a lot of time around female attracted trans women, at their core their vibe is no different than a lot of sensitive geeky guys I’ve known.
Trans men that want to partner up with gay men (rare) are in for some hard times..
IME many people that partner up with trans people of either original sex are bi or pan. Nothing wrong with that.

I’m a gen-Xer. I don’t pass moral judgement, but I question authority. I am skeptical. I don’t necessarily accept things at face value.
Personally, I question the whole concept of gender and want to burn down the stereotypes.
What does it mean to be “trans as hell” anyway?

I’m trying to understand what you’re talking about here and sort of make sense of it. You’re saying that female attracted trans women seem like men to you and male attracted trans women seem like women. And the opposite (I assume?) for trans men? But then you go on to say you want to burn down stereotypes. There’s some sort of implicit stereotypical bias in there somewhere. Like, a trans woman could like cars and transition to a man to a masculine woman and a trans man could like baking and transition to a feminine man. I’m sure you understand that.

The purpose of transition is for yourself. If an adult wants to transition then they should do it. If anything, encouraging to transition younger is better because repressing it’s your whole life just leads to people transitioning after marriage and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Where there are so many female-attracted females who would rather be seen as men than as lesbians, then there is a connection.

But that’s not all encompassing of trans men. I mean, trans people are gay, straight, and bi after all. I don’t think sexual orientation and gender identity are related in that way. I mean, you’re saying female attracted trans men shouldn’t transition even though they feel they should. I checked, that’s 23% of trans men. What about the rest that identify as gay, bi, pan, etc? Should they transition? What about trans women who are male attracted or female attracted or pan etc? The trans people I know are 100% trans as hell. No doubt.

I just question the societal constructs that helped them arrive there. Of course all trans men aren’t this or that.
I’m pretty sure the majority trans men are female attracted.
Not sure for the non-binary females I know, many more of them are attracted to guys, and some of them don’t have anything about them perceivable as different from any other female, they just say they feel different and use they/them.
The female attracted trans women I know are VERY different from the male attracted ones I know who were typically very naturally effeminate from a young age. Having spent a lot of time around female attracted trans women, at their core their vibe is no different than a lot of sensitive geeky guys I’ve known.
Trans men that want to partner up with gay men (rare) are in for some hard times..
IME many people that partner up with trans people of either original sex are bi or pan. Nothing wrong with that.

I’m a gen-Xer. I don’t pass moral judgement, but I question authority. I am skeptical. I don’t necessarily accept things at face value.
Personally, I question the whole concept of gender and want to burn down the stereotypes.
What does it mean to be “trans as hell” anyway?

I’m trying to understand what you’re talking about here and sort of make sense of it. You’re saying that female attracted trans women seem like men to you and male attracted trans women seem like women. And the opposite (I assume?) for trans men? But then you go on to say you want to burn down stereotypes. There’s some sort of implicit stereotypical bias in there somewhere. Like, a trans woman could like cars and transition to a man to a masculine woman and a trans man could like baking and transition to a feminine man. I’m sure you understand that.

The purpose of transition is for yourself. If an adult wants to transition then they should do it. If anything, encouraging to transition younger is better because repressing it’s your whole life just leads to people transitioning after marriage and kids.

Just my personal experience as an out queer woman in the queer community. I do believe men and women have inherent differences that are rooted in biology and don’t necessarily change just because someone wishes to present differently.
If we lived in a free society, there would be no need for transition if you are already able to express yourself and live as who you are in the first place.
The fact that people feel the need to change their bodies in order to conform to what they see as stereotypically male or female says more about our society than it does about those people as individuals. It’s a society problem, not a them problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO things are mostly better now than when I was growing up in the 90s. That kids are more accepting now is great.

What I find potentially not great or healthy is so much focus on gender identity. I am an older lesbian and I meet all kids of queer people in social groups, old and young.
I find it sad so many are medically transitioning to the opposite gender instead of becoming proud lesbians in their own body, or feminine straight men in their own body. (Most Trans men and most trans women I’ve met, respectively)

What does being trans have to do with being a lesbian or gay man?

Where there are so many female-attracted females who would rather be seen as men than as lesbians, then there is a connection.

But that’s not all encompassing of trans men. I mean, trans people are gay, straight, and bi after all. I don’t think sexual orientation and gender identity are related in that way. I mean, you’re saying female attracted trans men shouldn’t transition even though they feel they should. I checked, that’s 23% of trans men. What about the rest that identify as gay, bi, pan, etc? Should they transition? What about trans women who are male attracted or female attracted or pan etc? The trans people I know are 100% trans as hell. No doubt.

I just question the societal constructs that helped them arrive there. Of course all trans men aren’t this or that.
I’m pretty sure the majority trans men are female attracted.
Not sure for the non-binary females I know, many more of them are attracted to guys, and some of them don’t have anything about them perceivable as different from any other female, they just say they feel different and use they/them.
The female attracted trans women I know are VERY different from the male attracted ones I know who were typically very naturally effeminate from a young age. Having spent a lot of time around female attracted trans women, at their core their vibe is no different than a lot of sensitive geeky guys I’ve known.
Trans men that want to partner up with gay men (rare) are in for some hard times..
IME many people that partner up with trans people of either original sex are bi or pan. Nothing wrong with that.

I’m a gen-Xer. I don’t pass moral judgement, but I question authority. I am skeptical. I don’t necessarily accept things at face value.
Personally, I question the whole concept of gender and want to burn down the stereotypes.
What does it mean to be “trans as hell” anyway?

I’m trying to understand what you’re talking about here and sort of make sense of it. You’re saying that female attracted trans women seem like men to you and male attracted trans women seem like women. And the opposite (I assume?) for trans men? But then you go on to say you want to burn down stereotypes. There’s some sort of implicit stereotypical bias in there somewhere. Like, a trans woman could like cars and transition to a man to a masculine woman and a trans man could like baking and transition to a feminine man. I’m sure you understand that.

The purpose of transition is for yourself. If an adult wants to transition then they should do it. If anything, encouraging to transition younger is better because repressing it’s your whole life just leads to people transitioning after marriage and kids.

Just my personal experience as an out queer woman in the queer community. I do believe men and women have inherent differences that are rooted in biology and don’t necessarily change just because someone wishes to present differently.
If we lived in a free society, there would be no need for transition if you are already able to express yourself and live as who you are in the first place.
The fact that people feel the need to change their bodies in order to conform to what they see as stereotypically male or female says more about our society than it does about those people as individuals. It’s a society problem, not a them problem.

It just seems like you think all transition is for social and societal reasons. I don't see it that way. If someone is transitioning without dysphoria then sure. Dysphoric trans people transition for themselves. And I think it's pretty clear that we're never going to live in a society without gender stereotypes so even if you were right, it's irrelevant. Again, I'd rather people transition younger and find a partner after transition than to transition after marriage and kids and hope their marriage doesn't collapse. So far as we know, being transgender isn't "curable" and it usually just leads to late transition to repress. It's not like they haven't tried to "cure" it for years. It's a lot better to transition young than failed marriages and people 41% themselves.