Is it a phase? Elder LGBTQ – post your thoughts please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking this from the teen/tween forum over here. There have been a lot of posts on that forum throughout the years that their child (esp. girls it seems) have come out as LGBTQ. Most of the comments have suggested that it is “just a phase.” That with social media kids are exploring sexuality earlier and feel like they must identify as something, that LGBTQ is all over TikTok, etc... All I can tell you is that my DD seems to have a disproportionate amount of LGBTQ friends, like 50%. I want to hear from real, live LGBTQ folks what they think (yes, I say “real, live” very cheekily.) I do want to know your thoughts; do you think that this is great – kids feel free and there is way more of us "out" now as it is so much more accepeted now. Or do you think social media plays way too heavy a hand, and that this is, in fact, trendy.

PS I also use the term “elder” in subject cheekily too.

Does 35 count as elder? I think it’s both good and trendy. If kids who grow up to decide that actually they’re cis and straight or who are bisexual in straight passing relationships hopefully the teen period of identifying as bi or pan or nonbinary or whatever will encourage them to behave decently to their queer peers.

Also, what’s all over TikTok is what you search/watch on TikTok. I have a 40 year old lawyer friend who only every sees 90s music remixes and home improvement/fridge organization videos on her TikTok. Maybe the teens get more LGBTQ stuff due to related demographics (interest in teen music etc) but it’s definitely something to consider.

Final also: I think gender and sexuality are pretty fluid so having teens/people identify different things over the course of their life simply seems honest to me. We didn’t used to do that because once you came out as Not Straight your ability to live in a het world was impacted and if you ever wobbled from True Lesbian/100% Gay you might also be excluded from the queer (biphobia was/is unfortunately real). So people stuck with an identity as long as they possibly could to avoid having to get kicked out of their friend groups. The transition to “actually maybe I feel a little bit boy today but it doesn’t have to stick” being socially acceptable seems better than that imo.

[Anonymous]

Cliff notes:

-The LGBT elders on the thread tend to think that the current cultural climate that allows young people to experiment with different identities is good and not something to worry about. Consternation about phases and tik tok is overblown.

-Everybody else-lots of fears, some anti-gay/anti-trans stuff, lots of random off topic stuff.

Hope that answers your question OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cliff notes:

-The LGBT elders on the thread tend to think that the current cultural climate that allows young people to experiment with different identities is good and not something to worry about. Consternation about phases and tik tok is overblown.

-Everybody else-lots of fears, some anti-gay/anti-trans stuff, lots of random off topic stuff.

Hope that answers your question OP.

I don’t know. I am an LGBT elder. I think the truth is somewhere in between “nothing to worry about” and moral panic.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am back. Looks like some stuff may have been removed... I'm just gonna go with gender and sexuality are fluid. I don't think there is a reason to panic, but TikTok and Reddit are foreces to be reckoned with (and I am talking about in all things, not just gender/sexuality.)

I do like what another poster wrote:

"If being queer and trans is trendy...cool! Great! Maybe fewer kids will kill themselves.
If lots of kids go through a "queer phase"...neato. I hope they learn something valuable about themselves."

[Anonymous]

Queer detransitioned college student here (identified as transgender for a while, I don't anymore but I'm still bisexual)-- I went through a lot of different phases where I tried on new labels and some of them were inevitably wrong. I don't regret being wrong. I wish I'd just had parents accept it and not act skeptical or yell at me for it. It's alright to think it's a phase, and it should also be alright to your kid if it /is/ a phase. When you're a teen you're figuring out who you are. Just because there's more awareness now means there's gonna be some social contagion or trial and error.

[Anonymous]

53 here. I had a friend who went to Mount Holyoke. Back when we were in college (I went to a different school), she told me she was a lesbian. But the most she ever did was kiss another student there.
When she graduated and was back out in the co-ed world, she was no longer a lesbian. Got married, settled down in MA and had some kids.
I got the sense that in the all female cloister there, it was trendy to be a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:42 y/o here. I think the biggest difference is in terms of fluidity and acceptability -- "kids these days" don't always see it as a life-changing, soul-rocking, earth-shattering moment when they come out -- how dating a same sex partner labels and others you instantly.

I'm actually more curious what will happen in the next 20-30 years when these kids become the "elders". How will permanent partnerships change? What will marriage ratios (same gender couples vs. opposite gender couples) look like?

This is very true. I see a lot of young people coming out and because of the numbers, people claim that it's some sort of fad. Maybe some kids are doing it for attention but let's be honest, you can't base how many LGBTQ kids "should" exist in a given population on how many kids came out in the 80's or 90's. Those were very different times.

This. I never thought about like this but you are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Queer detransitioned college student here (identified as transgender for a while, I don't anymore but I'm still bisexual)-- I went through a lot of different phases where I tried on new labels and some of them were inevitably wrong. I don't regret being wrong. I wish I'd just had parents accept it and not act skeptical or yell at me for it. It's alright to think it's a phase, and it should also be alright to your kid if it /is/ a phase. When you're a teen you're figuring out who you are. Just because there's more awareness now means there's gonna be some social contagion or trial and error.

This is a really mature perspective. Thank you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Queer detransitioned college student here (identified as transgender for a while, I don't anymore but I'm still bisexual)-- I went through a lot of different phases where I tried on new labels and some of them were inevitably wrong. I don't regret being wrong. I wish I'd just had parents accept it and not act skeptical or yell at me for it. It's alright to think it's a phase, and it should also be alright to your kid if it /is/ a phase. When you're a teen you're figuring out who you are. Just because there's more awareness now means there's gonna be some social contagion or trial and error.

This is a really mature perspective. Thank you, PP.

+1
Thank you

[Anonymous]

Yes. Kids will claim queer but have only been in heteronormative relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Kids will claim queer but have only been in heteronormative relationships.

My daughter has “girlfriends” who are really just friends that are girls. Maybe they hold hands and hug but it’s not sexual. She likes boys, plans to marry a male (she is 19) and considers herself queer. I don’t know what to think, or really care. I thought it was strange but maybe it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am back. Looks like some stuff may have been removed... I'm just gonna go with gender and sexuality are fluid. I don't think there is a reason to panic, but TikTok and Reddit are foreces to be reckoned with (and I am talking about in all things, not just gender/sexuality.)

I do like what another poster wrote:

"If being queer and trans is trendy...cool! Great! Maybe fewer kids will kill themselves.
If lots of kids go through a "queer phase"...neato. I hope they learn something valuable about themselves."

The thing I like about this perspective is that it means our cishet kids will become adults who hopefully have some compassion for their queer/trans peers, but also that they will *know* that they are cis and heterosexual. They won't go through years of torment, and mess up their adult relationships with a late-breaking revelation, because they will be coming to their cishet identity not by default, but as an actual realization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not LGBTQ but I am 54.

There are 5 gay married couples on my DC block, all >50 y.o. Two are in their 70s. I am close friends with the 70/60 yr old married couple.

None of these people identify as trans, even though it's clearly safe for them to do so now in 2022. All are "gay" or "lesbian." I asked the same question as OP of my 70 yr old gay friend, who has a bazillion gay friends across the US and has been out for 50 years. His answer: he doesn't know a single person in his peer group who identifies as trans. They're gay, or lesbian, or heterosexual. Nobody is bi.

Being trans is very rare. Like, extremely rare. It's weird that people have become so obsessed with transgender people. Even your post is strange. Like, why even single out trans people in this way? This thread wasn't specifically trans related.

You seem unfamiliar with today’s middle schoolers. The portion of the population identifying as trans is in the double digits. It’s no longer “extremely rare”.

No, it isn't. About 150,000 thousand teenagers identify as trans, or .7%. 1.4 million adults identify as trans, or .6% Turn off your badly sourced media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not LGBTQ but I am 54.

There are 5 gay married couples on my DC block, all >50 y.o. Two are in their 70s. I am close friends with the 70/60 yr old married couple.

None of these people identify as trans, even though it's clearly safe for them to do so now in 2022. All are "gay" or "lesbian." I asked the same question as OP of my 70 yr old gay friend, who has a bazillion gay friends across the US and has been out for 50 years. His answer: he doesn't know a single person in his peer group who identifies as trans. They're gay, or lesbian, or heterosexual. Nobody is bi.

Being trans is very rare. Like, extremely rare. It's weird that people have become so obsessed with transgender people. Even your post is strange. Like, why even single out trans people in this way? This thread wasn't specifically trans related.

You seem unfamiliar with today’s middle schoolers. The portion of the population identifying as trans is in the double digits. It’s no longer “extremely rare”.

No, it isn't. About 150,000 thousand teenagers identify as trans, or .7%. 1.4 million adults identify as trans, or .6% Turn off your badly sourced media.

Maybe they referring to LBTQ, not trans.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 F and though I've never had a same sex encounter, and have been married to my husband for 30+ years, I could see myself living a happy and (I think) sexually fulfilled life with another woman. I think we're not all binary, and given how acceptable it is currently, we'll likely have more same sex couples in the future.