Long-term relationship after divorce going nowhere. What now?
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Anonymous
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Wow, OP, as a happily married guy, you sound pretty horrible. I will give you credit for being introspective, though.
You’re talking about breaking up with someone you love, who you want to marry, and who supposedly feels the same way about you, because you don’t like the current logistics of him seeing his children??? At least you seem to know how horrible this is. And now you’re out dating other dudes? Are you not exclusive after two years and marriage discussions????? There seem to be so many options to integrate each other into your lives. Unless I’m reading this wrong, the guy is only unavailable two weekends a month. Why aren’t you spending time together during the week??? Plenty of people travel for business and are gone more than this guy, including me in the past (and yes, I’m including weekends). How old are you. At this point in your life, two years sounds normal to be talking marriage. Something is off here. It’s either you (which is my gut), or you don’t love this guy as much as you say you do. |
Anonymous
+1000 |
Anonymous
| Make some plans about when one of your sets of kids are in college. Okay the long game meanwhile . |
Anonymous
Seriously, what a crap therapist. Worst advice ever. |
Anonymous
| I think you have a great situation and need other things to fill your time. I think you are expecting too much. Fire the therapist and get some hobbies. |
Anonymous
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How about get a sitter sometimes when your kids are in bed and go out with friends? I would be impressed with this guy that he is clearly making so much effort to see his kids. Would you prefer a guy who didn’t do that. Life is complicated. My husband often traveled for work during the week leaving me alone with little kids. It was tough but we made it work.
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Anonymous
| This is why I would never be a therapist. Having to listen to OP ruminate about her non-problem all the time. No thank you. |
Anonymous
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Your problem is not the guy, the relationship, or the kids. It's you not being able to solve your own loneliness. The solution is NOT to have someone around all or most of the time. It's to be able to be comfortable with yourself alone and have enough things to do that you are peacefully content.
I'm talking reading, TV, hobbies, classes, napping, listening to music, going out to concerts, movies, plays, etc. by yourself or with friends or how about with your kids! The hours after the kids go to bed only add up to a few each day and you can't fill that without feeling lonely? Feeling lonely a bit is normal, not being able to counteract it and feel okay with yourself is what you need to work on. |
Anonymous
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NP here. I’m still trying to understand how your therapist recommended that you date other guys, given that you said you’ve been with him two years and have considered marriage. And you actually went out with other guys? Did you tell your boyfriend? If not, you really need to tell him about your level of unhappiness to the point that you’re seeing other men. Not fair to just go ahead and explore like that.
And like a PP said, you should appreciate what you have for now. In a few short years, you can be married and living together 24/7, and then you’ll be annoyed by his presence and sick of him, and yearning for the time when all you did was miss him. |
Anonymous
| I agree that it seems insane that you can’t entertain yourself for 2-3 hrs in the evening… Work out, read, watch TV, knot a sweater, clean, listen to podcasts, make Tik Tok videos, make jam. . . |
Anonymous
| I think your situation with this guy sounds perfect. But I don't really want another adult in my space all the time. |
Anonymous
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OP don’t you have friends?
Hire a sitter. Go out with your friends. |
Anonymous
| I feel like people are being hard on you OP. I’m in a similar situation and it’s hard on me. I think right after divorce you don’t realize how different dating is once kids are involved. You’re used to having someone next to you every night. I don’t really have any advice, because if you breakup there’s a good chance you’ll run into this issue with a new person if they have kids (maybe they won’t want to mix kid and date time etc). |
Anonymous
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What did you expect when you started this relationship? That he would no longer go to NC to see his kids on the weekend once he fell in love with you? That you would both move to NC? Or maybe ex wife would move to DC?
I feel badly you wasted 2 yrs in this situation. Next time, I wouldn’t date anyone who was currently in a situation what was conducive to the kind of long term term relationship. Never count on large moves and such to happen |
Anonymous
Agree. And neither do your kids |