How to deal with poor gift-giving skills
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Anonymous
Holy ingrate. 3 very different ideas and you crap on them all? What the heck do you want? |
Anonymous
I get that these aren’t gifts you would’ve chosen for yourself d you wish he’d take your interests into consideration. That’s fair. But have you ever gotten him a gift like this? Apparently he’s into musicals and skiing. Have you ever given him the gift of a surprise ski trip or weekend trip to see some Broadway shows? Maybe he’s giving it because that’s the only way he gets it. He might be trying to connect and do something he enjoys as a family, hoping that someone else will pick up and enjoy his hobby or interest as well. It doesn’t sound exactly selfish, more like misguided. |
Anonymous
Interesting that 2 of the 3 examples are trips/ experiences rather than things. If this is more the norm OP I think you are the one who needs to broaden. Learning to ski is a gift to kids as is learning to appreciate theater |
Anonymous
Agreed. Also, if you can't find something you like to do in New York, I'm not sure there is any help for you. |
Anonymous
| This poor poor poster has to suffer through broadway shows and trips to Vail. It sounds pretty spoiled and demanding. Those are so fun. |
Anonymous
OP here. Honestly we have everything we need and can always buy what we want. We're very fortunate, I realize. But as a consequence I don't really believe in giving gifts to my spouse. If he wants something, he buys it. And with the kids I favor very limited gifts for Xmas, but am more generous for b-days. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Op your husband is a gift giver; that is his love language. Honor it. |
Anonymous
So you want him to stop giving gifts, you don’t want to have to give him gifts, and it doesn’t matter that he enjoys gifts. You also want to plan the trips and not include his interests like skiing or theater, because surely if the family had been taking such trips, you would’ve mentioned that. His needs aren’t being met, and he’s trying to include the family in doing things he thinks would be fun. How many threads have there been about wives complaining that the DH and kids don’t want to go hike or get outside, and how should she motivate them to do what she wants to do instead of what they want to do? I think unless he’s insisting you use all your vacation time from work and every school break to do trips based on his hobbies, you suck it up and go along happily. Maybe start planning trips where you rotate who gets to have more input on the destination so everyone gets a say, or while you’re on a trip to a place with lots to do, let everyone pick an activity so no one feels left out. Start talking about the next trip far enough in advance that he has some better ideas of what everyone wants to do in case he plans a surprise. Also, be sure you’re including him in these discussions, and maybe keep a running list of ideas of places to visit or activities you and the kids want to do so he can refer back to it (like an Amazon wishlist but for trips). |
Anonymous
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I was expecting the OP to describe gifts purchased from 5 and Below or Marshall’s.
Perhaps it’s a situation where OP expresses likes and desires, but DH doesn’t pick up on her wants and needs. That can cause hurt feelings. BTDT. I’ve since let it all go realizing it doesn’t matter. I know my DH’s heart and feel his love. I continue to work in being more gracious when he gives me gifts I would never choose for myself. |
Anonymous
| OP, is your husband into skiing and Broadway? Are these gifts really for him, or does he honestly think these are your (and your kids’) interests? |
Anonymous
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OP, your post is a little tone deaf. Read the room.
Re: husband, make up a family card game for everyone to play over dinner with questions like, what was your best family trip and why? What kinds of gifts do you like to receive? What’s your favorite memory of an every day thing we have done as a family? Special occasion? Etc. Then you can reference people’s answers as needed without sounding like an ingrate, which frankly is a slight danger in this situation. |
Anonymous
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I will give you the cat brooch is odd and that your birthday gift should have been something related to what you enjoy gifting someone who doesn't enjoy musical theater with a trip to Broadway is not thoughtful.
The ski trip is something the family can try and learn together. But it really just seems you want things all your way.. if you wanted to call all the shits you should have remained single. |
Anonymous
Seriously. I highly recommend reading the love language book and trying to be more grateful. This is important to your spouse and they are good activities to broaden any kids horizons, vacations aren’t always about doing exactly what kids like but also giving them experiences of a variety of things. I think it would be totally ok to say hey I love that you want to go on vacation and I know you like surprises but I’d love to participate in choosing the destination next time when it’s such a big expense. Or come up with some boundaries for surprise vacations so he can still do it within reason. But this is clearly how he shows Love so even though you don’t like gifts, for the sake of your marriage, I would try to rethink your approach to never doing something like this yourself or at a minimum being glad your husband is so thoughtful in wanting to plan family getaways. |
Anonymous
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So you mean - it's all things HE wants to do, or wants you to wear, regardless of your tastes? I've been guilty of buying clothes for my husband that he doesn't really like, in an effort to turn him elegant. He offered me orchids for years... because he collects them! After a frank exchange of ideas, we don't do those things anymore 
Talk to your husband, OP. |