How to deal with poor gift-giving skills

[Anonymous]

Here's a guide I like, and funny. If he's the type to appreciate it, you can email it to him, lol.

https://www.drpsychmom.com/2014/07/17/the-ultimate-guide-to-purchasing-a-gift-your-wife-doesnt-hate/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have the same issue. My DH and I both work full time at demanding jobs and we have small kids. He likes to "surprise me" and lessen my load by getting home before me and making dinner for the family. The only problem is he can't cook. At all. But he thinks he is an excellent cook. I don't really feel like I can complain because he's trying to do something nice.

This is funny. Describe a typical one of his can’t-cook meals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us an example op?

He bought me this cat brooch made of gold with little rubies for eyes. I don't ever wear brooches and it is ugly (not to mention expensive).

This winter he surprised the family with a ski trip to Vail. No one else in the family likes to ski. But it was expensive and prepaid so we went.

Last year for my birthday he surprised me (and the kids) with another expensive weekend getaway -- to NYC to see some Broadway shows. I don't enjoy musical theater and neither do the kids.

I could go on...

Interesting that 2 of the 3 examples are trips/ experiences rather than things. If this is more the norm OP I think you are the one who needs to broaden. Learning to ski is a gift to kids as is learning to appreciate theater

This. OP sounds spoiled, selfish and shallow. If you don’t like the brooch exchange it, but with trips etc you are behaving horribly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us an example op?

He bought me this cat brooch made of gold with little rubies for eyes. I don't ever wear brooches and it is ugly (not to mention expensive).

This winter he surprised the family with a ski trip to Vail. No one else in the family likes to ski. But it was expensive and prepaid so we went.

Last year for my birthday he surprised me (and the kids) with another expensive weekend getaway -- to NYC to see some Broadway shows. I don't enjoy musical theater and neither do the kids.

I could go on...

I get that these aren’t gifts you would’ve chosen for yourself d you wish he’d take your interests into consideration. That’s fair. But have you ever gotten him a gift like this? Apparently he’s into musicals and skiing. Have you ever given him the gift of a surprise ski trip or weekend trip to see some Broadway shows? Maybe he’s giving it because that’s the only way he gets it. He might be trying to connect and do something he enjoys as a family, hoping that someone else will pick up and enjoy his hobby or interest as well. It doesn’t sound exactly selfish, more like misguided.

OP here. Honestly we have everything we need and can always buy what we want. We're very fortunate, I realize. But as a consequence I don't really believe in giving gifts to my spouse. If he wants something, he buys it. And with the kids I favor very limited gifts for Xmas, but am more generous for b-days.

I really hope this guy is cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. What if your husband gave you and your family a gift of a silent yoga retreat in the desert when you hate the heat; twice. Or a rock climbing weekend when you and the kids don’t know how to rock climb and are afraid of heights. Maybe a survival weekend. Not the same as an expensive fedora.

[Anonymous]

Buy your own gifts

[Anonymous]

Tell him what you want ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us an example op?

He bought me this cat brooch made of gold with little rubies for eyes. I don't ever wear brooches and it is ugly (not to mention expensive).

This winter he surprised the family with a ski trip to Vail. No one else in the family likes to ski. But it was expensive and prepaid so we went.

Last year for my birthday he surprised me (and the kids) with another expensive weekend getaway -- to NYC to see some Broadway shows. I don't enjoy musical theater and neither do the kids.

I could go on...

There's nothing wrong with trying new things. I wish my XH had been willing to try anything new, much less plan these expensive getaways.

The cat brooch...I would've appreciated the thought, but asked to exchange it for something subtle.

[Anonymous]

My husband gives me “gifts” that are really for him. When we were newlyweds, he got all kinds of specialized kitchen appliances (bread maker, pizza stone, e.g.). He also got us a really nice vacuum cleaner and other cleaning tools. Then he moved on to garden implements. Lately it is lingerie. They’re always ultimately for him.

[Anonymous]

I wish this were the biggest problem in my marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us an example op?

He bought me this cat brooch made of gold with little rubies for eyes. I don't ever wear brooches and it is ugly (not to mention expensive).

This winter he surprised the family with a ski trip to Vail. No one else in the family likes to ski. But it was expensive and prepaid so we went.

Last year for my birthday he surprised me (and the kids) with another expensive weekend getaway -- to NYC to see some Broadway shows. I don't enjoy musical theater and neither do the kids.

I could go on...

Definitely send him my way. My husband won't plan his way out of a paper bag.

Anyway, everyone should be gracious about the material gifts or get everyone to adopt the (awesome, I think) philosophy of my family of origin, which is that you shouldn't feel obligated to keep a gift that isn't right for you - exchange or return is simply not considered offensive.

On the trips, I would probably try the route suggested by a PP - be gracious for the trips he has planned and then tell him you'd like to help with surprising the kids.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. My DH even got himself a coffee mug that says, "World's Best Gift Giver." But he is terrible at it (although he has many other strengths). I have to look at that damn mug every morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us an example op?

He bought me this cat brooch made of gold with little rubies for eyes. I don't ever wear brooches and it is ugly (not to mention expensive).

This winter he surprised the family with a ski trip to Vail. No one else in the family likes to ski. But it was expensive and prepaid so we went.

Last year for my birthday he surprised me (and the kids) with another expensive weekend getaway -- to NYC to see some Broadway shows. I don't enjoy musical theater and neither do the kids.

I could go on...

Sounds like he likes checking fancy boxes but not very thoughtful or considerate ones, considering the above. He is also a My Way or the Highway type of person?

[Anonymous]

Or he’s just dense and clueless and Cabot pick out social cues to save his life.