Reply to How to deal with poor gift-giving skills

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you give us an example op?[/quote]

He bought me this cat brooch made of gold with little rubies for eyes.  I don't ever wear brooches and it is ugly (not to mention expensive).

This winter he surprised the family with a ski trip to Vail.  No one else in the family likes to ski.  But it was expensive and prepaid so we went.

Last year for my birthday he surprised me (and the kids) with another expensive weekend getaway -- to NYC to see some Broadway shows.  I don't enjoy musical theater and neither do the kids.

I could go on...[/quote]

I get that these aren’t gifts you would’ve chosen for yourself d you wish he’d take your interests into consideration. That’s fair. But have you ever gotten him a gift like this? Apparently he’s into musicals and skiing. Have you ever given him the gift of a surprise ski trip or weekend trip to see some Broadway shows? Maybe he’s giving it because that’s the only way he gets it. He might be trying to connect and do something he enjoys as a family, hoping that someone else will pick up and enjoy his hobby or interest as well. It doesn’t sound exactly selfish, more like misguided. [/quote]

OP here.  Honestly we have everything we need and can always buy what we want.  We're very fortunate, I realize.  But as a consequence I don't really believe in giving gifts to my spouse.  If he wants something, he buys it.  And with the kids I favor very limited gifts for Xmas, but am more generous for b-days.

[/quote]

So you want him to stop giving gifts, you don’t want to have to give him gifts, and it doesn’t matter that he enjoys gifts. You also want to plan the trips and not include his interests like skiing or theater, because surely if the family had been taking such trips, you would’ve mentioned that.

His needs aren’t being met, and he’s trying to include the family in doing things he thinks would be fun. How many threads have there been about wives complaining that the DH and kids don’t want to go hike or get outside, and how should she motivate them to do what she wants to do instead of what they want to do? I think unless he’s insisting you use all your vacation time from work and every school break to do trips based on his hobbies, you suck it up and go along happily. Maybe start planning trips where you rotate who gets to have more input on the destination so everyone gets a say, or while you’re on a trip to a place with lots to do, let everyone pick an activity so no one feels left out. Start talking about the next trip far enough in advance that he has some better ideas of what everyone wants to do in case he plans a surprise. Also, be sure you’re including him in these discussions, and maybe keep a running list of ideas of places to visit or activities you and the kids want to do so he can refer back to it (like an Amazon wishlist but for trips).[/quote]

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