Sister saying we shouldn’t use cousins second home for vacation and should pay for our trips

[Anonymous]

If the intention of the trip is to visit your husband‘s family, then why isn’t anybody from that side of the family offering their house as a place to stay?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your sister is concerned you reflect poorly on her and your family. I think she's misplaced in her thinking. I would be generous with the cousin. Offer to pay for cleaning and food.

[Anonymous]

She offered, you accepted. Now you know to not share details with your sister. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are going to visit my husbands family, but I also have family nearby (my cousin) and she generously offered her second house for us to use. She offered it to us, and I accepted. Is that wrong?

My sister is appalled, saying that we shouldn’t vacation if we can’t afford it. She says we shouldn’t vacation if we can’t afford to properly house our own family.

It makes me wonder…was it totally tacky of our family to accept the cousins vacation home? My cousin was insistent and is thrilled we are using it, and we’ll visit and hang out with her of course also.

I think most PPs are misreading sister's motivations here. Based on the bolded above, plus OP's subsequent post saying that sis is well-off and takes fabulous vacations, week--we OP is not wealthy and does not take fabulous vacations, I think sis gets a great deal of personal satisfaction from being the sister who is wealthy enough to afford nice vacations. OP getting to take a nice vacation doesn't fit sister's internal narrative, in which she is the sophisticated jet-setter and OP is just a member of the unwashed masses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going to visit my husbands family, but I also have family nearby (my cousin) and she generously offered her second house for us to use. She offered it to us, and I accepted. Is that wrong?

My sister is appalled, saying that we shouldn’t vacation if we can’t afford it. She says we shouldn’t vacation if we can’t afford to properly house our own family.

It makes me wonder…was it totally tacky of our family to accept the cousins vacation home? My cousin was insistent and is thrilled we are using it, and we’ll visit and hang out with her of course also.

I think most PPs are misreading sister's motivations here. Based on the bolded above, plus OP's subsequent post saying that sis is well-off and takes fabulous vacations, week--we OP is not wealthy and does not take fabulous vacations, I think sis gets a great deal of personal satisfaction from being the sister who is wealthy enough to afford nice vacations. OP getting to take a nice vacation doesn't fit sister's internal narrative, in which she is the sophisticated jet-setter and OP is just a member of the unwashed masses.

OP here and we are the social pariah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are going to visit my husbands family, but I also have family nearby (my cousin) and she generously offered her second house for us to use. She offered it to us, and I accepted. Is that wrong?

My sister is appalled, saying that we shouldn’t vacation if we can’t afford it. She says we shouldn’t vacation if we can’t afford to properly house our own family.

It makes me wonder…was it totally tacky of our family to accept the cousins vacation home? My cousin was insistent and is thrilled we are using it, and we’ll visit and hang out with her of course also.

Sister should MYOB

[Anonymous]

Your sister is out of touch.

Please stay at your cousins place and do something nice for the cousin. Lots of people like to share their things, even if you could easily afford to stay somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Sisters remark pretty beechy. Don’t give it another thought. Pay for cleaning.

[Anonymous]

I think your sister is thinking about buying a vacation home and she doesn’t want to allow family to visit without paying.

I am glad you have a relative that enjoys family visits. I am a person who does too.

[Anonymous]

The only possibility I see here is that sister is close to the cousin, and cousin complained to,sister about feeling obligated to offer the house. If that is the case (and I doubt it is) the it’s on cousin to not offer if she feels imposed upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My sister is quite wealthy, and we are not. We do NOT “mooch” off of anyone and I am very sensitive to that.

My sister goes on elaborate vacations. We do not. She definitely views us as….poor? Borrowers? I’m not sure.

My cousin is delighted we can use her home. Genuinely.

An HHI of $500k is wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My sister is quite wealthy, and we are not. We do NOT “mooch” off of anyone and I am very sensitive to that.

My sister goes on elaborate vacations. We do not. She definitely views us as….poor? Borrowers? I’m not sure.

My cousin is delighted we can use her home. Genuinely.

I have a sister like you and I am wealthy. I could see myself saying this too her. The reason is that my sister only ever travels this way. Every vacation is from mooching. She will call up relatives who live in cool places and ask to come stay with them for a week. It puts people in an awkward position and some people are too polite to say no. I would never use someone else's place even when they offer. I am more self sufficient. I take trips I can fund. My sister relies on others-- its gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

My sister is quite wealthy, and we are not. We do NOT “mooch” off of anyone and I am very sensitive to that.

My sister goes on elaborate vacations. We do not. She definitely views us as….poor? Borrowers? I’m not sure.

My cousin is delighted we can use her home. Genuinely.

I have a sister like you and I am wealthy. I could see myself saying this too her. The reason is that my sister only ever travels this way. Every vacation is from mooching. She will call up relatives who live in cool places and ask to come stay with them for a week. It puts people in an awkward position and some people are too polite to say no. I would never use someone else's place even when they offer. I am more self sufficient. I take trips I can fund. My sister relies on others-- its gross.

It’s not gross.

I have a family of 5 (husbands brother and family) visiting me right now from overseas for 2 weeks. Paying for an Airbnb or hotel would have been a real stretch for them.

We stay at theirs beach house for a few weeks each year. We could afford to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people with second homes get so excited when someone actually wants to use it! My ILs had a house in the mountains that sat empty 49 weeks out of the year and they would be falling all over themselves to offer it to any takers (within the family). Go and enjoy it, OP!

[Anonymous]

Agree with other posters, your sister does not think you deserve what your cousin is generously sharing. Also consider that sharing her second home I s giving the cousin joy. Go, have a great time. Take your cousin out to dinner ( or order and pick up during COVID) as a thank you.