MIL will not accept adopted child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have adopted a child? If not, what's the point of your question?
If you have adopted or are in a process of adoption, it is her loss, she is a terrible human being. Imagine saying she will not accept a child? How ugly she is inside and out.

Not yet, but we are thinking about it and asked our family members what they think( hoping for support).

Well, you asked and she told you.
I think she is a horrible human being. Don't ask other people to weigh in on such personal decisions.

I would adopt. Her loss
And next time you have a decision to make don't ask for input.

I won’t.
I just really hoped for support that’s all
I guess we are alone in this.

If you avoid asking questions because you may not like the answer, what's the point? That's such an entitled way of living OP. Grow up. YOu asked, she answered and you don't like the answer. It is what it is. Either ignore or accept but, regardless, respect her for letting you know her true feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

Np Sometimes people say things that they don't really mean. Your spouse knows them better. Do they know you are thinking about adopting? I would have the spouse talk to their mom and tell her that you are considering going down that route. Then find out what she says. If I was in that situation I would adopt based on what was best for our family. Sometimes, grandmas don't even support biological grandchildren ( one of mine was very cold to us) I think some grandparents think they can't love anyone not related to them but, once they see the baby change their minds.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have adopted a child? If not, what's the point of your question?
If you have adopted or are in a process of adoption, it is her loss, she is a terrible human being. Imagine saying she will not accept a child? How ugly she is inside and out.

Not yet, but we are thinking about it and asked our family members what they think( hoping for support).

Well, you asked and she told you.
I think she is a horrible human being. Don't ask other people to weigh in on such personal decisions.

I would adopt. Her loss
And next time you have a decision to make don't ask for input.

I won’t.
I just really hoped for support that’s all
I guess we are alone in this.

What about your family?

[Anonymous]

Adopt and give her a chance. Few people can see a baby and reject it. Tell her that you stand with the new child and if she doesn't, then you won't be able to see her. (DH should say it). And then cut her off

[Anonymous]

This is about a hypothetical child and you aren’t already on the process of adopting? Please, find something else to be dramatic about. This is fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

Cut her off.

Don't cut her off. We have a family member who was very outspoken against gay people until her son came out. Now she is super supportive. Ideals are sometimes different than reality and real values. This relative values her family and children way more than ideals. She is also now (years later) very close with his partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have adopted a child? If not, what's the point of your question?
If you have adopted or are in a process of adoption, it is her loss, she is a terrible human being. Imagine saying she will not accept a child? How ugly she is inside and out.

Not yet, but we are thinking about it and asked our family members what they think( hoping for support).

Well, you asked and she told you.
I think she is a horrible human being. Don't ask other people to weigh in on such personal decisions.

I would adopt. Her loss
And next time you have a decision to make don't ask for input.

I won’t.
I just really hoped for support that’s all
I guess we are alone in this.

If you avoid asking questions because you may not like the answer, what's the point? That's such an entitled way of living OP. Grow up. YOu asked, she answered and you don't like the answer. It is what it is. Either ignore or accept but, regardless, respect her for letting you know her true feeling.

+1
My kids are adopted and we never felt the need to ask our family for input. We let them know what we were doing once we were closer to being placed with a child. OP, it is good that you now know her true feelings.

[Anonymous]

You explain to her that you will not keep company with someone who is not willing to accept this decision the two of you have made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You explain to her that you will not keep company with someone who is not willing to accept this decision the two of you have made.

What decision? They are just "thinking" about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have adopted a child? If not, what's the point of your question?
If you have adopted or are in a process of adoption, it is her loss, she is a terrible human being. Imagine saying she will not accept a child? How ugly she is inside and out.

Not yet, but we are thinking about it and asked our family members what they think( hoping for support).

My grandmother didn't want adopted grandchildren either. She has 2, and loves them dearly (and has for decades - they are in their 30s).

Do what you want in regard to building your family, she'll either accept them or she won't. If she doesn't, then she loses access to them (which is hard, and terrible, but shouldn't stop you from building your family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

This is not suprising right? If a grandparent can choose between bio grandkid and adopted grandkid, who wouldn't?

[Anonymous]

My parents reacted the same way initially, but love the kids now. I think it’s a shock at first for many grandparents. Some never come around (often in Arab or Asian cultures), but most do.

[Anonymous]

I would laugh in her face and carry on with my plans, OP.

Why on earth would the opinion of such a terrible person impact any of your life decisions?

[Anonymous]

Good grief, all these posts and no one has said the obvious: What does your husband say about his mother's statement, OP? Where is he on all this? Is he 100 percent on board with adopting, no matter what, or does his mother's attitude make him pause? Is he the one who wanted to ask her and other family members, or were you? Does he tend to feel that if his and/or your families of birth are super important in your life as a couple, to the point that he would be ambivalent about adoption if his family weren't on board?

Where is your DH on all this? That, and the influence his mother might have on his thinking (even if he can't admit it) matters much more than MIL's statement to you.

To be blunt: Is he a mama's boy, or does he have tendencies to want to please her? If so, that's a red flag for more than just adoption.

If he's on board 100 percent and is fine moving forward with your lives without her support, and he will not, later, do the "But our kid needs grandma no matter what" dance -- then do whatever you and he want.

By the way, it's very easy for strangers on the internet to say things like "cut her off" but not so easy to do. She is your MIL, not your own mother. YOU could cut her off if she's awful to your (proposed) child, but could DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I would laugh in her face and carry on with my plans, OP.

Why on earth would the opinion of such a terrible person impact any of your life decisions?

Because the terrible person is not OP's parent but the DH's parent, and we do not know whether HE lets mom affect his life decisions?

OP does not exist in a vacuum and isn't adopting a child as a single parent. If her DH is cowed by mom, that's a huge issue.