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[quote=Anonymous]
Good grief, all these posts and no one has said the obvious: What does your husband say about his mother's statement, OP? Where is he on all this? Is he 100 percent on board with adopting, no matter what, or does his mother's attitude make him pause? Is he the one who wanted to ask her and other family members, or were you? Does he tend to feel that if his and/or your families of birth are super important in your life as a couple, to the point that he would be ambivalent about adoption if his family weren't on board?

Where is your DH on all this? That, and the influence his mother might have on his thinking (even if he can't admit it) matters much more than MIL's statement to you.

To be blunt: Is he a mama's boy, or does he have tendencies to want to please her? If so, that's a red flag for more than just adoption.

If he's on board 100 percent and is fine moving forward with your lives without her support, and he will not, later, do the "But our kid needs grandma no matter what" dance -- then do whatever you and he want.

By the way, it's very easy for strangers on the internet to say things like "cut her off" but not so easy to do. She is your MIL, not your own mother. YOU could cut her off if she's awful to your (proposed) child, but could DH? [/quote]

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