MIL will not accept adopted child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

This is not suprising right? If a grandparent can choose between bio grandkid and adopted grandkid, who wouldn't?

WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

This is not suprising right? If a grandparent can choose between bio grandkid and adopted grandkid, who wouldn't?

WTF?

WTF what? You think grandparents would prefer adopted grandkids as much or more than bio grandkids?? WTF indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I would laugh in her face and carry on with my plans, OP.

Why on earth would the opinion of such a terrible person impact any of your life decisions?

Because the terrible person is not OP's parent but the DH's parent, and we do not know whether HE lets mom affect his life decisions?

OP does not exist in a vacuum and isn't adopting a child as a single parent. If her DH is cowed by mom, that's a huge issue.

So why isn't OP taking the next step and discussing how this conversation went down with DH? Did she have this conversation alone with her MIL and ignore her DH with her hypothetical adoption fantasy? Troll fail.

[Anonymous]

1. My MIL says stupid stuff all the time. If I were you, I’d try to ignore her statement, understanding that she’s an ignorant narrow minded person. I’d also not ask her opinions In the future. And I would not expect her to have any relationship with my future adopted child (her loss)

2. To the person saying all grandparents would prefer bio grandkids to adopted grandkids… I can only speak for myself but I can’t imagine preferring one type other the other. Same for nieces, nephews and children of close friends. Why would I care if the child is adopted or biological? Now, for my own children, there would be considerations with each - not saying I’d prefer bio, but certainly it’s a different conversation. But beyond my own kids, why would you care? Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. My MIL says stupid stuff all the time. If I were you, I’d try to ignore her statement, understanding that she’s an ignorant narrow minded person. I’d also not ask her opinions In the future. And I would not expect her to have any relationship with my future adopted child (her loss)

2. To the person saying all grandparents would prefer bio grandkids to adopted grandkids… I can only speak for myself but I can’t imagine preferring one type other the other. Same for nieces, nephews and children of close friends. Why would I care if the child is adopted or biological? Now, for my own children, there would be considerations with each - not saying I’d prefer bio, but certainly it’s a different conversation. But beyond my own kids, why would you care? Wtf?

That just means you are naive and still too young to cross that bridge. Grandparents see pieces of themselves and their kids in grandkids. That's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

Cut her off.

This. That adopted child is your son or daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

Cut her off.

This. That adopted child is your son or daughter.

OMG there is no adopted child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have adopted a child? If not, what's the point of your question?
If you have adopted or are in a process of adoption, it is her loss, she is a terrible human being. Imagine saying she will not accept a child? How ugly she is inside and out.

Not yet, but we are thinking about it and asked our family members what they think( hoping for support).

Well, you asked and she told you.
I think she is a horrible human being. Don't ask other people to weigh in on such personal decisions.

I would adopt. Her loss
And next time you have a decision to make don't ask for input.

This.

[Anonymous]

I am a pretty forgiving person but if you decide to adopt a child I think you have to tell about her your decision and inform her that you expect unconditional acceptance and equal treatment with all existing and future bio grandchildren. If she can't promise that then you tell her that you won't be able to maintain a close relationship with her, that you are sure she understands that as a parent and then wish her well. There is no way I'd change my plans or subject any child to anything less than 100% acceptance. F her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOu asked, she answered and you don't like the answer. It is what it is. Either ignore or accept but, regardless, respect her for letting you know her true feeling.

Well, not respect-respect. She's horrible. But when someone unashamedly lets you know how terrible they are, believe them and move along.

Also, maybe stop looking for drama.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you ask your parents/in-laws for their opinion. This is going to be YOUR CHILD, not theirs.

And everyone loves a baby. If your MIL won't accept an adopted child, then she doesn't deserve to see her son and grandchildren ever gain. Buh-bye Granny.

[Anonymous]

OP that is sad - sorry for you. We have bio and adopted children and both grandparents accepted both - although they probably know I would have cut them off if they did not.

I would set boundaries early on and have DH inform them:
1. You and DH both expect any adopted and biological children to be treated equally because they are equal under the law and in our eyes as parents;
2. Educate them that real parents are the ones who feed, clothes, shelter, protect and educate their children;
3. It will make you very sad if they cannot accept your adopted children and you will need to reduce contact in order to protect your children if they cannot accept them as your children.

We are blessed that my MIL adores our DC and is understanding about issues common to adoption (fear of abandonment, feelings of loss that need to be realistically managed, and sensitivity to not looking similar to other family members). It will be really important to do whatever you can to bond with your adopted children and let them know that they are accepted and loved just as they are. If ILs cannot appreciate how important this is, you need to do what you need to do to protect your children.

If ILs are willing to try and connect with adopted children, Give them a chance though - they may come around .

Good luck OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

This is not suprising right? If a grandparent can choose between bio grandkid and adopted grandkid, who wouldn't?

WTF?

WTF what? You think grandparents would prefer adopted grandkids as much or more than bio grandkids?? WTF indeed.

Wow. So you're OK with grandparents playing favorites and treating an adopted child as "less than." Because that's where preference leads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. My MIL says stupid stuff all the time. If I were you, I’d try to ignore her statement, understanding that she’s an ignorant narrow minded person. I’d also not ask her opinions In the future. And I would not expect her to have any relationship with my future adopted child (her loss)

2. To the person saying all grandparents would prefer bio grandkids to adopted grandkids… I can only speak for myself but I can’t imagine preferring one type other the other. Same for nieces, nephews and children of close friends. Why would I care if the child is adopted or biological? Now, for my own children, there would be considerations with each - not saying I’d prefer bio, but certainly it’s a different conversation. But beyond my own kids, why would you care? Wtf?

That just means you are naive and still too young to cross that bridge. Grandparents see pieces of themselves and their kids in grandkids. That's why.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP that is sad - sorry for you. We have bio and adopted children and both grandparents accepted both - although they probably know I would have cut them off if they did not.

I would set boundaries early on and have DH inform them:
1. You and DH both expect any adopted and biological children to be treated equally because they are equal under the law and in our eyes as parents;
2. Educate them that real parents are the ones who feed, clothes, shelter, protect and educate their children;
3. It will make you very sad if they cannot accept your adopted children and you will need to reduce contact in order to protect your children if they cannot accept them as your children.

We are blessed that my MIL adores our DC and is understanding about issues common to adoption (fear of abandonment, feelings of loss that need to be realistically managed, and sensitivity to not looking similar to other family members). It will be really important to do whatever you can to bond with your adopted children and let them know that they are accepted and loved just as they are. If ILs cannot appreciate how important this is, you need to do what you need to do to protect your children.

If ILs are willing to try and connect with adopted children, Give them a chance though - they may come around .

Good luck OP

dp I think this seems harsh. You would automatically cut someone off instead of educating them? It seems like your love is conditional and doesn't take in any consideration for growth and change.