Do women do more or just complain more?

[Anonymous]

Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

Men aren’t lazy. Maybe your man is, but not men as a whole. Make better choices in men and you won’t have that problem. Not our fault you married a lazy guy.

[Anonymous]

Men “suffer in silence” is the best joke I’ve ever heard on DCUM, a forum where there are endless threads of men complaining how their wives don’t want to sleep with them. Thank you for the Christmas laugh anonymous misogynist!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men “suffer in silence” is the best joke I’ve ever heard on DCUM, a forum where there are endless threads of men complaining how their wives don’t want to sleep with them. Thank you for the Christmas laugh anonymous misogynist!

Lol @ “endless threads of men complaining”…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

Yes, Hoover Dam and the Apollo program were built by lazy men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

Male here.

Vast majority of women actually do a lot more. Most men think they do a lot but do a fraction of the work that their spouse does.

I have worked for 20 years while my wife stayed home/studied for 10 of the years of our marriage. We switched and I now stay home. So I actually do know about the "unseen mental load". It is not a myth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

They do not do the same. Tell me, who does all the meal planning, the shopping, the cooking, the daily cleaning, the making sure people are in the right place at the right time, the doctor’s appointment scheduling, the taking to the doctor, the interface with schools, the activity and play date planning, the date night planning, the baby sitter identification and hiring and coordinating…the vacation planning, booking, coordinating, the pet sitter, the house and car and yard maintenance planning and coordinating…the taxes, the investments, the getting of birthday presents and thank you notes…the mental health of the entire family? In most families, that is not DH, who does only a fraction of this work. 80% is the wife. So no. Equity is not there.

The problem with saying women do more and leaving it at that is that doesn't account for how much of what they do is actually necessary and how much is stuff they tell themselves they have to do but don't need to. I'll concede women tend to do more of the essentials, but the difference is probably not nearly enough to justify the complaining and criticisim in many relationships. For the record, of the list above, I (DH) do meals 1 day per week, all the daily cleaning, a lot of scheduling and driving of kids, about 1/3 of doctor's appointments (but mostly because DW usually insists on being the one to go), about 1/2 of the school interaction (maybe more), all the babysitter hiring and managing, all the maintenance for the house, cars, and yard, all the taxes and investments, and about half the date night planning. I also do almost all the sports planning and most of the attendance. She buys the kids' clothes and I usually wash them. And I'm a Big Law partner (though so is she). Yet DW is permanently angry at me for leaving all the planning and worrying to her.

[Anonymous]

Yea, women do more, including the mental load.

H is an awesome guy, comes from a huge family of almost all women, has 3 daughters, and is very feminist. But I can still see a difference in our mental attitudes.

For example, he'll offer to cook for half of the dinners for the week. Awesome. But he'll mark the pages in a cookbook of what he wants to make, so I still have to write out the grocery list, check what ingredients we already have, then go grocery shopping. Whereas if the roles were reversed, I would make sure to get the ingredients myself, or at the very least have the list ready for him.

Or, if I'm running late on a night I'm responsible for dinner, I'll still figure out a way to handle it - picking up takeout, making something quick & easy when I get home, etc. Whereas he'll just let me know "hey I'm running late and can't do dinner".

I know if I asked him to get takeout instead or to write a grocery list, he would. But the fact that he doesn't think to ask, while I just go ahead and handle it, I think shows the difference in how men vs women think about these things. Women are generally socialized to think about how their actions impact people and what they can do to minimize any negative impact, while men are socialized to just do what they want and if someone needs something, they can ask.

And I do totally understand that often it's on the person who needs something to go ahead and ask. But dang, it would be SO nice if I didn't need to ask, if someone was just considerate enough to take my needs into account without me having to verbalize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

They do not do the same. Tell me, who does all the meal planning, the shopping, the cooking, the daily cleaning, the making sure people are in the right place at the right time, the doctor’s appointment scheduling, the taking to the doctor, the interface with schools, the activity and play date planning, the date night planning, the baby sitter identification and hiring and coordinating…the vacation planning, booking, coordinating, the pet sitter, the house and car and yard maintenance planning and coordinating…the taxes, the investments, the getting of birthday presents and thank you notes…the mental health of the entire family? In most families, that is not DH, who does only a fraction of this work. 80% is the wife. So no. Equity is not there.

See? I told you women complain more. Endless.

Yeah. Gotta love responding to this question with a laundry list of martyr mommy TLDR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

They do not do the same. Tell me, who does all the meal planning, the shopping, the cooking, the daily cleaning, the making sure people are in the right place at the right time, the doctor’s appointment scheduling, the taking to the doctor, the interface with schools, the activity and play date planning, the date night planning, the baby sitter identification and hiring and coordinating…the vacation planning, booking, coordinating, the pet sitter, the house and car and yard maintenance planning and coordinating…the taxes, the investments, the getting of birthday presents and thank you notes…the mental health of the entire family? In most families, that is not DH, who does only a fraction of this work. 80% is the wife. So no. Equity is not there.

[phone]

+a million more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

Yes, Hoover Dam and the Apollo program were built by lazy men.

And also some are apparently too lazy to read the entirety of a five-word sentence…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

Yes, Hoover Dam and the Apollo program were built by lazy men.

The whole "men have done XYZ!" excuse doesn't fly.

You know *how* men have been able to do those things? Because other people do the "menial" tasks, freeing up men's time and energy to do those types of projects. If men didn't have women to handle running a household and caring for children, they would not have been able to devote nearly as much time to work. My dad was a CEO and president of a company, but had to step down once my mom left because there was no way he could run a company and raise children.

Also, research HAS shown that men are lazier than women at work. When women are present, men stop volunteering for tasks because they assume women will do it. This has been shown over and over in research. Women also often have to work harder to prove themselves. It gets even worse once children are involved, women have to do work far above and beyond to show that kids won't affect their work so they don't get mommy-tracked. Not so with fathers, because they have wives to handle the kids for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We complain because we do twice as much as the men do. Facts.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

Yes, Hoover Dam and the Apollo program were built by lazy men.

The whole "men have done XYZ!" excuse doesn't fly.

You know *how* men have been able to do those things? Because other people do the "menial" tasks, freeing up men's time and energy to do those types of projects. If men didn't have women to handle running a household and caring for children, they would not have been able to devote nearly as much time to work. My dad was a CEO and president of a company, but had to step down once my mom left because there was no way he could run a company and raise children.

Also, research HAS shown that men are lazier than women at work. When women are present, men stop volunteering for tasks because they assume women will do it. This has been shown over and over in research. Women also often have to work harder to prove themselves. It gets even worse once children are involved, women have to do work far above and beyond to show that kids won't affect their work so they don't get mommy-tracked. Not so with fathers, because they have wives to handle the kids for them.

And you know what some of those "projects" were? Washing machines, vacuum cleaners, scheduling applications, ovens, dish washers, garbage disposal.

Your whole purview is just too myopic. Do you want a trophy or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women do much more. Men are lazy at home.

Yes, Hoover Dam and the Apollo program were built by lazy men.

And also some are apparently too lazy to read the entirety of a five-word sentence…

Gets a little tiring building dams and putting people on the moon. But go ahead, keep complaining about driving the kids to the soccer game or setting the table.