Do women do more or just complain more?

[Anonymous]

So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

[Anonymous]

Both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

Women do a lot more. This is well-documented.
Women also try to kill themselves more, but they tend to use methods like taking pills which are less effective.
I would argue that men don't internalize and suffer in silence. They tend to lash out at others. It is true though that they are often discouraged from seeking help, and I've found that mental heath professionals don't tend to take their concerns seriously if and when they do seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both!

Both +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

Women do a lot more. This is well-documented.
Women also try to kill themselves more, but they tend to use methods like taking pills which are less effective.
I would argue that men don't internalize and suffer in silence. They tend to lash out at others. It is true though that they are often discouraged from seeking help, and I've found that mental heath professionals don't tend to take their concerns seriously if and when they do seek help.

Very true.

[Anonymous]

We complain because we do twice as much as the men do. Facts.

[Anonymous]

The generalizations are over the top.

[Anonymous]

Both, I think.

[Anonymous]

Complain more. A lot more. A lot lot more.

[Anonymous]

The women with partners who share the workload equally aren’t here at DCUM complaining about how bad all the men are. Of course you’re going to get skewed results here. How many posts do you see about how good men are? Exactly zero. They are all here to complain.

[Anonymous]

They do less and complain a lot more. I've seen it with my own two eyes.

[Anonymous]

I started doing less and stopped complaining.

SAHM of grown kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

They do not do the same. Tell me, who does all the meal planning, the shopping, the cooking, the daily cleaning, the making sure people are in the right place at the right time, the doctor’s appointment scheduling, the taking to the doctor, the interface with schools, the activity and play date planning, the date night planning, the baby sitter identification and hiring and coordinating…the vacation planning, booking, coordinating, the pet sitter, the house and car and yard maintenance planning and coordinating…the taxes, the investments, the getting of birthday presents and thank you notes…the mental health of the entire family? In most families, that is not DH, who does only a fraction of this work. 80% is the wife. So no. Equity is not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

They do not do the same. Tell me, who does all the meal planning, the shopping, the cooking, the daily cleaning, the making sure people are in the right place at the right time, the doctor’s appointment scheduling, the taking to the doctor, the interface with schools, the activity and play date planning, the date night planning, the baby sitter identification and hiring and coordinating…the vacation planning, booking, coordinating, the pet sitter, the house and car and yard maintenance planning and coordinating…the taxes, the investments, the getting of birthday presents and thank you notes…the mental health of the entire family? In most families, that is not DH, who does only a fraction of this work. 80% is the wife. So no. Equity is not there.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So many articles and threads and discussion of women and the unseen mental load and how in most households there is an inequitable sharing of duties. Is this true or are women just more vocal in general, and to some extent more biologically programmed to vocalize concern and to worry more? I guarantee men do tons of things around the house women don’t, but they just don’t talk about it. Men suffer in silence more. Rates of suicide are higher in men for this reason. They internalize a lot. Is this the reason you may not hear men complaining their wife didn’t fix the internet or carry the trash out? I get that a lot of women handle a lot in a marriage. They do. But do men simply do the same, but grin and bear it more quietly?

They do not do the same. Tell me, who does all the meal planning, the shopping, the cooking, the daily cleaning, the making sure people are in the right place at the right time, the doctor’s appointment scheduling, the taking to the doctor, the interface with schools, the activity and play date planning, the date night planning, the baby sitter identification and hiring and coordinating…the vacation planning, booking, coordinating, the pet sitter, the house and car and yard maintenance planning and coordinating…the taxes, the investments, the getting of birthday presents and thank you notes…the mental health of the entire family? In most families, that is not DH, who does only a fraction of this work. 80% is the wife. So no. Equity is not there.

See? I told you women complain more. Endless.