Do women pick spouses similar to their fathers and men similar to their mothers?

[Anonymous]

Would a man find a woman like Phyllis from the office who looks more like his mom more attractive and marry her rather than someone who looks like Adriana Li ma or Megan fox?

[Anonymous]

This is not true of my husband or myself. We do not resemble any of the four parents in our personalities.

I am confused as to why people refer to "Daddy issues", and think it's just a myth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not, and I regret it. I frequently wish DH was more like my father.

This. I am totally a daddy's girl and my father is the best man I have ever none. Bar none. Interestingly I married someone who possess none of the class, kindness and dignity that my father has. I can't quite explain how I ended up here except I never met anyone who reminded me of my dad and picked someone who would have me.

Same here. No one compares to my dad, and I don't just say that because he's my dad. He is in a class of his own and I've never met any man who measures up.

But, I did marry a good man. Not in the same league as my dad, but he's better than most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is not true of my husband or myself. We do not resemble any of the four parents in our personalities.

I am confused as to why people refer to "Daddy issues", and think it's just a myth.

So because something doesn’t apply to you, you think it’d a myth?

Google is free, you know.

[Anonymous]

No, my spouse is very different than my father and they possess very few similar traits in common.

[Anonymous]

I was extremely close to my dad, but married my mother. He’s a neat freak that can’t sit still or relax. He always has to be doing something. He nags kids and me.

I now see it’s a trauma response. My mom and her three brothers are all like this because their mom passed away when they were very young. My mom was 6. They were kept busy to avoid dealing with their emotions and in the 40s/50s people were not encouraged to express them.

My husband came from a volatile household with an alcoholic, philandering father and his parents had a messy divorce and his mother then became cold and wrapped up in her own single social life. He learned to be a perfectionist due to this.

This is a realization it took two decades for me to see. Pretty much, right after my dad passed away. I am exactly like my dad, I can relax and find the good I the messy and don’t nitpick. I am big on emotions with my kids, very empathetic to a fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not, and I regret it. I frequently wish DH was more like my father.

This. I am totally a daddy's girl and my father is the best man I have ever none. Bar none. Interestingly I married someone who possess none of the class, kindness and dignity that my father has. I can't quite explain how I ended up here except I never met anyone who reminded me of my dad and picked someone who would have me.

Same here. No one compares to my dad, and I don't just say that because he's my dad. He is in a class of his own and I've never met any man who measures up.

But, I did marry a good man. Not in the same league as my dad, but he's better than most.

+1,000

Although my oldest son had an incredible bond with my dad and even my husband notes how similar they are. I’m sad he passed away when my son was 12 because he could benefit so much from that relationship now be my dad would be so proud of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not, and I regret it. I frequently wish DH was more like my father.

This. I am totally a daddy's girl and my father is the best man I have ever none. Bar none. Interestingly I married someone who possess none of the class, kindness and dignity that my father has. I can't quite explain how I ended up here except I never met anyone who reminded me of my dad and picked someone who would have me.

Same here. No one compares to my dad, and I don't just say that because he's my dad. He is in a class of his own and I've never met any man who measures up.

But, I did marry a good man. Not in the same league as my dad, but he's better than most.

I understand what you mean PP, I too can see that even objectively, my father is in a league of his own. They do not make men like him anymore. He knows what it means to have class, honor, dignity. He is an upstanding citizen, a devoted father and husband an an overall good human being.

Its only after I left home that I realized how every other man falls short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[/b]We treat our spouses the way we saw our parents interact. [b]

This means we often end up with spouses who are similar to our parents because we are comfortable and familiar with the behavior patterns.

Who’s this “we”? I definitely don’t. My parents frequently fought/argued, were disrespectful and unkind to each other. My spouse and I are the opposite of that and have a very loving, respectful relationship.

My husband is nothing like my dad. They share approximately zero of the same traits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was extremely close to my dad, but married my mother. He’s a neat freak that can’t sit still or relax. He always has to be doing something. He nags kids and me.

I now see it’s a trauma response. My mom and her three brothers are all like this because their mom passed away when they were very young. My mom was 6. They were kept busy to avoid dealing with their emotions and in the 40s/50s people were not encouraged to express them.

My husband came from a volatile household with an alcoholic, philandering father and his parents had a messy divorce and his mother then became cold and wrapped up in her own single social life. He learned to be a perfectionist due to this.

This is a realization it took two decades for me to see. Pretty much, right after my dad passed away. I am exactly like my dad, I can relax and find the good I the messy and don’t nitpick. I am big on emotions with my kids, very empathetic to a fault.

You marry the parent you wish you could have a do over with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not, and I regret it. I frequently wish DH was more like my father.

This. I am totally a daddy's girl and my father is the best man I have ever none. Bar none. Interestingly I married someone who possess none of the class, kindness and dignity that my father has. I can't quite explain how I ended up here except I never met anyone who reminded me of my dad and picked someone who would have me.

Same here. No one compares to my dad, and I don't just say that because he's my dad. He is in a class of his own and I've never met any man who measures up.

But, I did marry a good man. Not in the same league as my dad, but he's better than most.

I understand what you mean PP, I too can see that even objectively, my father is in a league of his own. They do not make men like him anymore. He knows what it means to have class, honor, dignity. He is an upstanding citizen, a devoted father and husband an an overall good human being.

Its only after I left home that I realized how every other man falls short.

So true. I miss my dad fiercely. He was my best friend and the person I related to the most in the world.

[Anonymous]

Not the case for us at all. My dad was very emotionally closed off and both a workaholic and an alcoholic. DH is an outstanding husband and father, and very warm loving and empathetic. I’m like this too, as are my mom and his dad. MIL and I are also different in almost every way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[/b]We treat our spouses the way we saw our parents interact. [b]

This means we often end up with spouses who are similar to our parents because we are comfortable and familiar with the behavior patterns.

Who’s this “we”? I definitely don’t. My parents frequently fought/argued, were disrespectful and unkind to each other. My spouse and I are the opposite of that and have a very loving, respectful relationship.

My husband is nothing like my dad. They share approximately zero of the same traits.

Yeah my whole adult life has been me being the opposite of my mother (SAHM, mommy martyr, obsessed with "the kids" at the expense of her marriage -- I'm ambitious in my career, an "it takes a village" parent with a life outside parenting, and devoted to my marriage first). She also used to passive aggressively stew rather than talk about issues. Never fought, but it was because she buried her grievances and let them fester. I am a "talk it out" person...to a fault sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is true

[Anonymous]

The only thing DH and my father have in common is that they are both "engineering" minded. That's about it.

I am nothing like my MIL. Physically, personality, hobbies... etc.. like, zero in common.

Interestingly, 16 yr old DS is dating a girl who is very much like me - size wise and looks, when I was much younger obviously.