Do women pick spouses similar to their fathers and men similar to their mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[/b]We treat our spouses the way we saw our parents interact. [b]

This means we often end up with spouses who are similar to our parents because we are comfortable and familiar with the behavior patterns.

Who’s this “we”? I definitely don’t. My parents frequently fought/argued, were disrespectful and unkind to each other. My spouse and I are the opposite of that and have a very loving, respectful relationship.

My husband is nothing like my dad. They share approximately zero of the same traits.

+1 My father is verbally, mentally abusive to my mom, and they fought.. a lot.. in front of us, too.

If DH says anything rude to me, I let him have it. I shut that sh1t down very quickly. But, we try to not argue too much in front of the kids. We do express different opinions in front of the kids, but never all out yelling. I think we yelled at each other a handful of times in anger in our entire 20 years together.

I do tell DD to marry a man like her dad, though.. loving, willing to work hard, outside and inside the home, not lazy, someone who will be good to her like he is to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not, and I regret it. I frequently wish DH was more like my father.

This. I am totally a daddy's girl and my father is the best man I have ever none. Bar none. Interestingly I married someone who possess none of the class, kindness and dignity that my father has. I can't quite explain how I ended up here except I never met anyone who reminded me of my dad and picked someone who would have me.

Same here. No one compares to my dad, and I don't just say that because he's my dad. He is in a class of his own and I've never met any man who measures up.

But, I did marry a good man. Not in the same league as my dad, but he's better than most.

I understand what you mean PP, I too can see that even objectively, my father is in a league of his own. They do not make men like him anymore. He knows what it means to have class, honor, dignity. He is an upstanding citizen, a devoted father and husband an an overall good human being.

Its only after I left home that I realized how every other man falls short.

So true. I miss my dad fiercely. He was my best friend and the person I related to the most in the world.

This is so interesting that many women feel this way. I wonder - is it just a big cultural change in how men operate now? Is the quality of men decreasing? Or is it just that we see them through rose colored glasses and don't see what else went on in their lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this true in your relationship?

My husband is nothing like my father and I'm nothing like his mother.

[Anonymous]

My XH was like my mom. Not at all like my dad. In terms of being a husband, my dad is a good example but his personality and mine clash and I would not want to be married to someone like him

[Anonymous]

I have discussed this with my friends and we all agree that our husbands are not similar to our fathers. However we have ALL used the line "My father would have never..." to our husbands about them being passive/lazy which makes them mad. I think men of prior generations were less conflict-avoidant while men of this generations (ie. in their 30s right now) will do anything to avoid discomfort.

[Anonymous]

Yep, I basically married my father and have turned into my mother. It’s pathetic. I married young and didn’t realize any of this till years and 2 kids into it. Growing up I didn’t get why my mother was so angry with my father, now I get it cause I am living it… sigh

[Anonymous]

Not here, I have nothing in common with my MIL, we are in fact polar opposites.

[Anonymous]

As someone said above, my husband is similar to my father in some ways, but also different in others. I don't think I am anything like MIL at all, looks like my husband picked out an opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone said above, my husband is similar to my father in some ways, but also different in others. I don't think I am anything like MIL at all, looks like my husband picked out an opposite.

I was that PP. I don’t think I am like my MIL in some ways — but she is a total badass so I wouldn’t mind if that’s why DH picked me.

[Anonymous]

DH is similar to my dad but not the same. I am similar to my MIL but not the same.

But our dads were exactly alike. Same degrees.
And our moms are exactly alike. Very into appearances. Same degree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this true in your relationship?

No, his personality was more like my mom's!

[Anonymous]

No, in fact almost the opposite. It's not surprising on my end, as my dad has a lot of mental health issues and was physically and emotionally abusive, so we don't have a good relationship. DH is his opposite in many ways.

I am also very different from my MIL, although DH has a a good relationship with his mom. But we are from two different worlds when it comes to life experiences, personalities, social and cultural frameworks, etc.

So it's not at all true in our case. We have been happily married for 23 years, so I don't think it's a problem

[Anonymous]

No way. I was a daddy's girl and was very close to my dad but he had his flaws. I picked someone who was the total opposite. The only thing they have in common is that my dad was a girl dad and so is my husband. I am nothing like my mother in law and I think that was intentional on my husband's part.

[Anonymous]

i married a man A LOT like my mother... fml... critical and controlling about every trivial, stupid thing.

[Anonymous]

No, I often wish I had. My father was a wonderful, loving husband and father. I miss him every day. My son is so very like him in appearance and personality, and some women will one day be very lucky indeed. Maybe someone like my mother, who is also a very beautiful, vibrant person even now in her 70's.