How to interpret a "no children" wedding invitation?

[Anonymous]

I don’t attend child free weddings - love, love, love seeing kids on the dance floor.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would skip the wedding on principal. I get that the couple has the “right” to ban kids … but then I also have the right not to go.

^ Just ask what it means! You don't know if the bride and groom meant for no kids to mean no little kids or no older kids, or no one under 21 or no one under 18, or what.

How obtuse. The people who are invited are the ones with their names. On. The. Invitation.

Stoop wheedling, whining, negotiating, and feigning ignorance.

Jesus F Christie lady, some of us have good relationships with our families and can ask them about ambiguities without it being a federal case. I'm sorry you have so little trust in your family.

It’s not “ambiguous.” The names of the people invited are—wait for it!—*on the invitation.* That’s how it is, and that’s how it works. If you’re ignorant of basic etiquette, you may Google this and find your answer in two seconds.

There’s nothing ambiguous here. Kids aren’t invited, point blank period. It’s not that OP doesn’t know the answer; it’s that she doesn’t LIKE the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t attend child free weddings - love, love, love seeing kids on the dance floor.

That’s nice. That’s what the handy-dandy “regrets” box is for!

[Anonymous]

The "no kids" wedding was a personal choice for the couple getting married. It's not about you or your kids. They have every right to make the choice that is best for them. As do you--attend or decline based on what is best for you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“No kids” means no one under 18, including the best-mannered 13 and 16 year olds. Asking anyone involved with the wedding for clarification will make you seem pushy and classless, even if you ultimately get permission to bring your kids along.

Usually except in this case it means no one under 21 since they specifically mentioned a brewery. Don’t bring them.

I do think this particular question is up in the air. It is *not* an issue for OP's kids. I also have no idea what there is to interpret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

OK, now we know you’re lying. “Less paper means less COVID tracking.” LOL, OK, bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask. We had a weird situation where we weren't going to attend a family wedding because it was "no kids" but when the parents of the bride heard this, we were informed that kids within the close family could come. The couple was later among their friend group to marry so if everyone brought kids it would have been like a toddler daycare. We triple checked with the couple because we didn't want to appear presumptuous, and made it clear that we were fine either way, just wanted to clarify.

Yes. This has happened quite a bit. Every situation is unique. And couples have to cut off the guest list at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see no children as nobody under 12. If the brewery was actually the issue she should've said no minors. But children is a specific word usually used to refer to the 12 and under set. So I understand OP's uncertainty.

Adults only would be only people over 18. She should've used this if that was her prerogative. I wonder if people who had toddlers received different invitations with the wording on it? Not everyone will look online. Really comes down to what the formal invite said on the envelope. I would decline now due to not previously understanding kids can't come.

There’s no “uncertainty” if the children’s names weren’t specifically on the outer envelope or the inner envelope. There’s no “confusion.” There’s no “interpretation” to make.

WELL OBVIOUSLY THERE IS OR WE WOULDN"T HAVE THIS 150 PAGE THREAD WOULD WE NANCY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see no children as nobody under 12. If the brewery was actually the issue she should've said no minors. But children is a specific word usually used to refer to the 12 and under set. So I understand OP's uncertainty.

Adults only would be only people over 18. She should've used this if that was her prerogative. I wonder if people who had toddlers received different invitations with the wording on it? Not everyone will look online. Really comes down to what the formal invite said on the envelope. I would decline now due to not previously understanding kids can't come.

There’s no “uncertainty” if the children’s names weren’t specifically on the outer envelope or the inner envelope. There’s no “confusion.” There’s no “interpretation” to make.

WELL OBVIOUSLY THERE IS OR WE WOULDN"T HAVE THIS 150 PAGE THREAD WOULD WE NANCY

Oh honey. It’s OK that you are entirely uncultured and lack basic knowledge of etiquette. Do you know how to Google? If so, you can help yourself to basic information on wedding invitations and etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

Good communication wins the day, again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see no children as nobody under 12. If the brewery was actually the issue she should've said no minors. But children is a specific word usually used to refer to the 12 and under set. So I understand OP's uncertainty.

Adults only would be only people over 18. She should've used this if that was her prerogative. I wonder if people who had toddlers received different invitations with the wording on it? Not everyone will look online. Really comes down to what the formal invite said on the envelope. I would decline now due to not previously understanding kids can't come.

There’s no “uncertainty” if the children’s names weren’t specifically on the outer envelope or the inner envelope. There’s no “confusion.” There’s no “interpretation” to make.

WELL OBVIOUSLY THERE IS OR WE WOULDN"T HAVE THIS 150 PAGE THREAD WOULD WE NANCY

Oh honey. It’s OK that you are entirely uncultured and lack basic knowledge of etiquette. Do you know how to Google? If so, you can help yourself to basic information on wedding invitations and etiquette.

Did you read OP's update? Perhaps you should send a note to the bride and groom and let them know that in fact you already decided OP's kids are not invited and so her clarification that they are is a mistake, GOOD DAY. I SAID GOOD DAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t attend child free weddings - love, love, love seeing kids on the dance floor.

Wait - you love, love, love seeing kids on the dance flood, and that means you will NEVER attend a wedding where that isn't happening?! I need you to start a new thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

Good communication wins the day, again!

No, trolling wins again. OP conveniently changed her story when she didn’t get the answer she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

Good communication wins the day, again!

No, trolling wins again. OP conveniently changed her story when she didn’t get the answer she wanted.

you are way too invested in this wedding