get over name brand / prestige obsession

[Anonymous]

It seems like most people here are equating success with salary. Will someone who graduates, with a decent GPA and good internships, from Georgetown or Tufts--much less any of the top 10s--likely have a higher salary in ten years than someone who graduates from Elon or Appalachian State? Probably, yes. But is that the sole criteria for success in life? My husband graduated from an Ivy, had a great salary for a few years and now, in his late 40s, has no job, no direction, and me and the kids are trying desperately to deal with him--he's a good guy and we love him, but feel for him. I graduated from a Virginia state school with a high GPA and received full tuition fro grad school. I don't make a very high salary, but have had great success in an interesting field. My kids look up to me, and I'm a rock for my husband. Other than having to deal with his issues, I consider myself successful. With that said, I pushed my current senior to do the best he could so he could have college choices he could feel good about. He's going to a university ranked somewhere around the top 25. I would have been fine with him going to JMU, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference if you go to a tippy top school. Other than that, the next T50 don’t matter as much. The difference between a school like Tufts or Vanderbilt, say, is negligible even though Vandy is higher ranked. They are both great schools.

I there is another difference once you start past the T100 school. You may have more opportunities graduating from Emory than Appalachian, for instance.

But if you are talking T15-T50, it makes no difference.

You didn't understand my post at all. How old are your kids?

What are you talking about? The pp is spot on.

Sigh. I give up. Clearly you're still in the midst of all of this. Y'all can just go ahead and split hairs between schools and tiers like you always do. As I said, I should have known I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

I'm out.

Just look at the salary outcomes from the school and it obvious that IN GENERAL, higher ranked schools produce better outcomes.

This 100%. It is all about increasing odds for success. If you are a naturally driven and bright person in a lower ranked school, you will do well no matter what. If you are a smart kid that is not necessarily Type A, you will still do well with that top school on your resume. Signed, a mom with a laid back and very bright kid in a top 20.

Like OP said, you're still in the midst of things. Come back in ten years and tell us if your "laid back" kid is better off just for having gone to a top 20.

Top 20 over a what? That was the point above. 20 or 35? UCLA or BC? Maybe regionally a difference. On outcomes probably BC would be better. But no real difference. Or is it 20 or local non-flagship state. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like most people here are equating success with salary. Will someone who graduates, with a decent GPA and good internships, from Georgetown or Tufts--much less any of the top 10s--likely have a higher salary in ten years than someone who graduates from Elon or Appalachian State? Probably, yes. But is that the sole criteria for success in life? My husband graduated from an Ivy, had a great salary for a few years and now, in his late 40s, has no job, no direction, and me and the kids are trying desperately to deal with him--he's a good guy and we love him, but feel for him. I graduated from a Virginia state school with a high GPA and received full tuition fro grad school. I don't make a very high salary, but have had great success in an interesting field. My kids look up to me, and I'm a rock for my husband. Other than having to deal with his issues, I consider myself successful. With that said, I pushed my current senior to do the best he could so he could have college choices he could feel good about. He's going to a university ranked somewhere around the top 25. I would have been fine with him going to JMU, too!

Salary is not everything. Although going to a better school will not just get you that high paying job. In DC it will get you that great non-profit job. Worst employee I ever had was from Harvard. He was crazy. But that is a one off. In general outcomes will be better because chances will be better. It still is what you do with it. Anyone can F anything up at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

Looks as if we’ve found the person who’s making life toxic for all the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

+1. I attended a top school. The main advantage is that you never have to work hard again. All the great opportunities just show up because of who you know.

IME, it’s generally white people who say the stuff OP says, and that’s because they don’t recognize their white privilege. Yes, if you’re white, it doesn’t matter which school you go to, because all the doors are open to you already. If you’re non-white, going to a top school makes you aware of the kind of life white people enjoy as their birthright.

Most white people did not attend elite colleges . In fact they did not graduate from college. You are in a bubble that you think everyone else white shares...but you are wrong. Read Hillbilly Eulogy, and get back to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What it all comes down to is one word: money. People are obsessed with money, not just prestige, as evident by the posts that are harping on "salaries." These people's lives are completely controlled by money and that's all they know. That's their only defense. They hope to make "connections" for no other reason than to get more "money" somehow from these valuable "connections." Their life is defined by how much money they make and their purpose is to amass the most amount of money as possible. The "name brand" helps with that, generally, not always. While you think there's more important things in life, maybe they don't think that way...

Again, “there’s no nobility in poverty”

The both of you are right. This subject has touched a nerve because there is a growing permanent underclass, widening inequality that is rapidly growing and many people deep down know that their children have a high chance of experiencing downward mobility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

+1. I attended a top school. The main advantage is that you never have to work hard again. All the great opportunities just show up because of who you know.

IME, it’s generally white people who say the stuff OP says, and that’s because they don’t recognize their white privilege. Yes, if you’re white, it doesn’t matter which school you go to, because all the doors are open to you already. If you’re non-white, going to a top school makes you aware of the kind of life white people enjoy as their birthright.

Most white people did not attend elite colleges . In fact they did not graduate from college. You are in a bubble that you think everyone else white shares...but you are wrong. Read Hillbilly Eulogy, and get back to me.

Exactly. On this forum white people are equated with success and being educated. Meanwhile the average white woman in American only makes $45,000 and don’t even have a bachelors degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like most people here are equating success with salary. Will someone who graduates, with a decent GPA and good internships, from Georgetown or Tufts--much less any of the top 10s--likely have a higher salary in ten years than someone who graduates from Elon or Appalachian State? Probably, yes. But is that the sole criteria for success in life? My husband graduated from an Ivy, had a great salary for a few years and now, in his late 40s, has no job, no direction, and me and the kids are trying desperately to deal with him--he's a good guy and we love him, but feel for him. I graduated from a Virginia state school with a high GPA and received full tuition fro grad school. I don't make a very high salary, but have had great success in an interesting field. My kids look up to me, and I'm a rock for my husband. Other than having to deal with his issues, I consider myself successful. With that said, I pushed my current senior to do the best he could so he could have college choices he could feel good about. He's going to a university ranked somewhere around the top 25. I would have been fine with him going to JMU, too!

I am sorry, but you answered your own Q. You said you consider yourself, a Virginia State grad, successful - other than being married to your husband in his late 40s with no job, no direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

+1. I attended a top school. The main advantage is that you never have to work hard again. All the great opportunities just show up because of who you know.

IME, it’s generally white people who say the stuff OP says, and that’s because they don’t recognize their white privilege. Yes, if you’re white, it doesn’t matter which school you go to, because all the doors are open to you already. If you’re non-white, going to a top school makes you aware of the kind of life white people enjoy as their birthright.

Most white people did not attend elite colleges . In fact they did not graduate from college. You are in a bubble that you think everyone else white shares...but you are wrong. Read Hillbilly Eulogy, and get back to me.

Exactly. On this forum white people are equated with success and being educated. Meanwhile the average white woman in American only makes $45,000 and don’t even have a bachelors degree.

Now look up average income for black men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

Looks as if we’ve found the person who’s making life toxic for all the rest of us.

Only if your belief in the meaninglessness of brand name is so weak that a post on a forum is “toxic”. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference if you go to a tippy top school. Other than that, the next T50 don’t matter as much. The difference between a school like Tufts or Vanderbilt, say, is negligible even though Vandy is higher ranked. They are both great schools.

I there is another difference once you start past the T100 school. You may have more opportunities graduating from Emory than Appalachian, for instance.

But if you are talking T15-T50, it makes no difference.

You didn't understand my post at all. How old are your kids?

What are you talking about? The pp is spot on.

Sigh. I give up. Clearly you're still in the midst of all of this. Y'all can just go ahead and split hairs between schools and tiers like you always do. As I said, I should have known I was preaching to the wrong crowd.

I'm out.

Just look at the salary outcomes from the school and it obvious that IN GENERAL, higher ranked schools produce better outcomes.

You are mixing up correlation and causation. And also salaries aren't everything.

I don't have kids but I wish I'd had more of OP's attitude when I was deciding on college and law school. There's a lot more to life than going to the most prestigious college you can get into. A LOT. Also I think for a lot of us, some time out of the pressure cooker would give us the freedom to actually figure out what we like instead of just trying to run that same old race.

not really, try getting a prestigious job (whatever that may be in your chosen field) coming out of Princeton vs. UVA/UMD vs. Longwood. By the time you get down to Longwood, good luck

In the DMV, there are far more grads from JMU, Longwood, UMW and the like employed in high-level government, consulting, banking, and IT positions than from Princeton or UVA. Just look at your neighbors. What a narrow view from the ivory tower?

Our neighbors mainly went to top private schools, with the occasional state school / STEM thrown in.

[Anonymous]

What the top schools do is give you more opportunity. What you do with that is up to you. The schools at the very top open tons of doors. Whether you go to a T30 or T40 school doesn't matter; they will open the same kinds and amount of doors. The T100+ opens fewer doors. You have to work harder.

-Signed, someone who went to a T100+ school, married to a T10 schooler, with a sister at around T30, a SIL T60... and so forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

+1. I attended a top school. The main advantage is that you never have to work hard again. All the great opportunities just show up because of who you know.

IME, it’s generally white people who say the stuff OP says, and that’s because they don’t recognize their white privilege. Yes, if you’re white, it doesn’t matter which school you go to, because all the doors are open to you already. If you’re non-white, going to a top school makes you aware of the kind of life white people enjoy as their birthright.

Most white people did not attend elite colleges . In fact they did not graduate from college. You are in a bubble that you think everyone else white shares...but you are wrong. Read Hillbilly Eulogy, and get back to me.

Exactly. On this forum white people are equated with success and being educated. Meanwhile the average white woman in American only makes $45,000 and don’t even have a bachelors degree.

Now look up average income for black men and women.

That is not the point. We are responding to the poster who said all doors are open to any white personnel. That is a ridiculous statement.

[Anonymous]

https://www.payscale.com/college-roi
https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/slideshows/national-universities-liberal-arts-colleges-with-the-best-roi
https://www.bestcolleges.com/features/best-roi-colleges/

[Anonymous]

These posts that say you just HAVE to go to a top school because that’s where the I-banks and consulting companies and corporate law firms recruit are really cracking me up.

Raise your hand if, like me, you would be terribly disappointed if your child became one of those things.