Wife spends too much money on stupid crafts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP $600/month sounds like a lot for paper & glue crafts. But it’s less than half the cost of maintaining a horse and about 1/3 of a golf hobby. You seem really mad at your DW.

OP again. I don't understand why people seem to draw comparison with extreme examples. Of course a horse is going to cost more and I don't even play golf. Yes, I am indeed mad at my wife for making a mess with all her glitter and construction paper. She only cleans up after I ask and just has no interest in anything besides going to Hobby Lobby and Michaels. I could turn a blind eye if she only went to those places for specific items that were needed. Say, placecards for a pre-Covid potluck. But to pay through the nose for items associated with preschoolers? It just makes me laugh and makes me think she has no common sense. All the more so when she doesn't pay off her credit card balance and complains to me that her credit score is getting lower. I tell her "The gym is cheaper and all that sitting makes you unhealthy" and she pulls a long face and goes back to her tacky paper and glue nonsense. None of it is Pinterest-worthy I can assure you. 

You don't say one nice thing about your wife. You think she's stupid and tacky and lacks common sense and makes poor financial choices and is fat. Do you even like her at all? Why are you married to someone you have such contempt for?

Yup. I feel so bad for OP's wife. I'm sure whatever she makes is probably tacky, and it probably costs too much, and whatever, but it's all so obviously to fill an emotional void in her life left by her totally awful husband. We should start a dcum gofundme to raise money to send her to a crafting class where she might meet some decent human beings.

Yep, why are OP and his wife still married? Not only does he resent her, he clearly looks down on her and her zero respect for her. Even if she stopped crafting, he would still feel that way about her.

OP's wife created this for herself by not focusing towards the family, their financial health and also her own health. She's not pulling her weight in the family and there is no need to feel sorry or pity on her. People do get resentful when they are taken advantage of and I could see why OP is like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--your post makes me sad.

I am reminded of visiting an immigrant cousin of DH. The wife, also an immigrant, offered to show me her hobby room. It was totally immaculate and there were shelves of dolls standing in elaborate and rather garish costumes she made for them.

As I took in all my perceived tackiness of the hobby, her husband came in and went on about how much he admired all her handicraft and all the donations she made to her church of the dolls for auctions etc.

He clearly was proud of something his wife did that was actually not at all a personal interest of his. I will add that his wife is obese, not mildly so, but really so. No matter, he was still proud.

Like most immigrants, he came over with very little. He built a business and was successful enough he could indulge his wife's hobby, which she used to give back to her community, and it was a source of pride to him.

It made me ashamed of my all too quick tacky assessment of her hobby.

This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing the story, PP.

[Anonymous]

Apologies if already posted, but this is for you, OP: https://local.theonion.com/i-was-uh-getting-groceries-lies-girlfriend-coverin-1844828628

[Anonymous]

I was your wife OP. It took me a while to realize how wasteful and stupid that hobby is. Watch an episode of Hoarders with her?

[Anonymous]

Think of it this way. The more time she spends crafting, the less time she is eating. Without crafting, she might be up 50 pounds.

And yes, you are an ass to bring up her weight -- I was being somewhat tongue-in-cheek, although I knit so I don't snack in front of the tv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP $600/month sounds like a lot for paper & glue crafts. But it’s less than half the cost of maintaining a horse and about 1/3 of a golf hobby. You seem really mad at your DW.

OP again. I don't understand why people seem to draw comparison with extreme examples. Of course a horse is going to cost more and I don't even play golf. Yes, I am indeed mad at my wife for making a mess with all her glitter and construction paper. She only cleans up after I ask and just has no interest in anything besides going to Hobby Lobby and Michaels. I could turn a blind eye if she only went to those places for specific items that were needed. Say, placecards for a pre-Covid potluck. But to pay through the nose for items associated with preschoolers? It just makes me laugh and makes me think she has no common sense. All the more so when she doesn't pay off her credit card balance and complains to me that her credit score is getting lower. I tell her "The gym is cheaper and all that sitting makes you unhealthy" and she pulls a long face and goes back to her tacky paper and glue nonsense. None of it is Pinterest-worthy I can assure you. 

You don't say one nice thing about your wife. You think she's stupid and tacky and lacks common sense and makes poor financial choices and is fat. Do you even like her at all? Why are you married to someone you have such contempt for?

Yup. I feel so bad for OP's wife. I'm sure whatever she makes is probably tacky, and it probably costs too much, and whatever, but it's all so obviously to fill an emotional void in her life left by her totally awful husband. We should start a dcum gofundme to raise money to send her to a crafting class where she might meet some decent human beings.

Yep, why are OP and his wife still married? Not only does he resent her, he clearly looks down on her and her zero respect for her. Even if she stopped crafting, he would still feel that way about her.

OP's wife created this for herself by not focusing towards the family, their financial health and also her own health. She's not pulling her weight in the family and there is no need to feel sorry or pity on her. People do get resentful when they are taken advantage of and I could see why OP is like this

Interesting. I was wondering if OP created this for himself by not focusing on the family, their emotional needs, and things that don’t personally interest him. I agree with you: people do get resentful when they’re taken advantage of. Some try to subsume their resentment with things like hobbies. I think OP and the OP’s wife need to be with people who are committed to being loving, caring and respectful. That’s not the way the OP presents it now.
If I were the OP’s wife I’d lose a Lot of weight— by dumping the OP who is neither loving nor respectful, let alone kind.

[Anonymous]

I think OP has some valid complaints. It’s not fair for one spouse to jeopardize the household’s finances for a hobby (regardless of whether it’s bedazzling garbage or painting a masterpiece). And I can understand the frustration about clutter and messes. It’s not fair for OP to be expected to clean up glitter and craft chotchkes all the time.

However, the way this frustration is vented is so disrespectful of the person her said his vows to. And there’s obviously some seething resentment over her weight gain that isn’t healthy.

I don’t know how OP can solve his dilemma, but coming from it with such anger in his heart is not going to make his wife want to change. If he really wants to fix things then they’ll sit down together and make a budget, fix up a dedicated craft space, and he’ll be happy for her to have a hobby.

But it seems like he wants her to give up her hobby and just get her butt to the gym more than he actually wants to find a mutually agreeable way for her to pursue her crafting.

[Anonymous]

It's too late for all that now. OP, you need to dump your wife if there is so much resentment and anger. She would get a chance to focus elsewhere, may be a full time job if she runs her own finances. You can't continue to drag her weight around in this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has some valid complaints. It’s not fair for one spouse to jeopardize the household’s finances for a hobby (regardless of whether it’s bedazzling garbage or painting a masterpiece). And I can understand the frustration about clutter and messes. It’s not fair for OP to be expected to clean up glitter and craft chotchkes all the time.

However, the way this frustration is vented is so disrespectful of the person her said his vows to. And there’s obviously some seething resentment over her weight gain that isn’t healthy.

I don’t know how OP can solve his dilemma, but coming from it with such anger in his heart is not going to make his wife want to change. If he really wants to fix things then they’ll sit down together and make a budget, fix up a dedicated craft space, and he’ll be happy for her to have a hobby.

But it seems like he wants her to give up her hobby and just get her butt to the gym more than he actually wants to find a mutually agreeable way for her to pursue her crafting.

OP here. She already has her craft space that is beginning to look fit to appear on an episode of Hoarders. If she makes something useful once in a while, okay. Like a photo frame or a quilt. But it's really just junk. Glitter, construction paper, papier mache..nothing that indicates any skill beyond something what a preschooler would create. I'm just being honest. Everything she's doing is just out of proportion and I am disappointed with her obliviousness about our space and financial situation. I've told her this Hobby Lobby shopping is not sustainable and she just deflects by comparing me with other husbands who let their wives shop. That's not the point!

[Anonymous]

OP, hang out on Mr. Money Mustache. There is a link on how to talk to your spouse about budgeting and money.

[Anonymous]

Mr. Money Mustache is divorced, so I'm not sure that his approach actually worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you've never spent money on something just because you enjoy it? A hobby? Lessons for a new skill? Gym membership?

Don't think of it as "stuff", think of it as an activity that makes your wife happy. Does that make a difference?

OP. I would LOVE for her to spend the money on crafts on a gym membership instead. She could stand to lose 20 lbs but no, she has to eat crap and buy crap. It’s the mindlessness and wastefulness that puzzles me. Yes, I go to the gym and it also benefits her that I’m healthy and in good shape. Her crafts on the other hand? Time and money suck and clutter disguised as ‘decor’. She goes each week and it’s getting way too much.

Her crafts are an escape from her sh!tty husband

[Anonymous]

Tell her no and mean it. Your the man of the house, act like it. Take away her credit cards / debit card. Give her only a tiny cash allowance each week. If you want it to stop you have to take action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her no and mean it. Your the man of the house, act like it. Take away her credit cards / debit card. Give her only a tiny cash allowance each week. If you want it to stop you have to take action.

If the debit card is from a joint account, calculate how much you’ve contributed to that and withdraw the amount to place In another account only controlled by you.

[Anonymous]

The Onion is on to your wife.
https://local.theonion.com/i-was-uh-getting-groceries-lies-girlfriend-coverin-1844828628