Wife spends too much money on stupid crafts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her no and mean it. Your the man of the house, act like it. Take away her credit cards / debit card. Give her only a tiny cash allowance each week. If you want it to stop you have to take action.

If the debit card is from a joint account, calculate how much you’ve contributed to that and withdraw the amount to place In another account only controlled by you.

If they get divorced, their assets will be split 50/50 and OP may need to pay alimony if he's the higher earner. All this aggressive, contemptuous stuff is going to backfire on OP. I agree if the visits are $100-150 multiple times a month and it's causing financial hardship (though I do wonder if OP is exaggerating--those more exaggerated details emerged as people criticized him to bolster his case) they need to sit down and figure out a workable solution.
Pretending he has any power to "cut her off" financially is absurd: their assets-- regardless of who earns them and where they are housed-- are joint in a marriage unless a portion are inherited and not intermingled. These suggestions are ways to escalate the problem.

[Anonymous]

I had the same issue OP and it's still a struggle. I was spending hundreds every month on crafting materials. A close family member died so I justified the spending as therapy. I have two shelves full of fabric, a cricut, six sewing machines, a hoard of paint and canvas, yarn for days, a bunch of stamping materials, etc. The people at Joann's knew me on a first name basis.

I do think crafting is great therapy but it is so easy to over spend. She may be doing it out of depression also. I realized I was just buying craft stuff to make myself feel better but the feeling was temporary. I would suggest you both consider therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the same issue OP and it's still a struggle. I was spending hundreds every month on crafting materials. A close family member died so I justified the spending as therapy. I have two shelves full of fabric, a cricut, six sewing machines, a hoard of paint and canvas, yarn for days, a bunch of stamping materials, etc. The people at Joann's knew me on a first name basis.

I do think crafting is great therapy but it is so easy to over spend. She may be doing it out of depression also. I realized I was just buying craft stuff to make myself feel better but the feeling was temporary. I would suggest you both consider therapy.

I don't see why OP needs therapy. It's the wife who is thoughtless and empty-headed. But you're right PP, that the wife appears to be emotional spender because who can blow that much money at Hobby Lobby?

[Anonymous]

Not that pp, but the wife needs therapy to figure out why she is spending to be happier (which is probably going to cost more than the crafts spending...ask me how I know...)

And the OP needs therapy because he seems to hold his wife in contempt, which a lot of marriages never recover from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not that pp, but the wife needs therapy to figure out why she is spending to be happier (which is probably going to cost more than the crafts spending...ask me how I know...)

And the OP needs therapy because he seems to hold his wife in contempt, which a lot of marriages never recover from.

So OP needs to spend $200 to speak to some stranger about his wife's crafting hobby? Is that supposed to make feel better? Do you not realize that is money down the drain? I think the claims that OP needs to pay alimony is overblown. If OP is renting, he can move out and let the wife take over and just quietly divorce. What is the big deal? Life is too short to spend it with someone who's unattractive, both inside and out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her no and mean it. Your the man of the house, act like it. Take away her credit cards / debit card. Give her only a tiny cash allowance each week. If you want it to stop you have to take action.

If the debit card is from a joint account, calculate how much you’ve contributed to that and withdraw the amount to place In another account only controlled by you.

If they get divorced, their assets will be split 50/50 and OP may need to pay alimony if he's the higher earner. All this aggressive, contemptuous stuff is going to backfire on OP. I agree if the visits are $100-150 multiple times a month and it's causing financial hardship (though I do wonder if OP is exaggerating--those more exaggerated details emerged as people criticized him to bolster his case) they need to sit down and figure out a workable solution.
Pretending he has any power to "cut her off" financially is absurd: their assets-- regardless of who earns them and where they are housed-- are joint in a marriage unless a portion are inherited and not intermingled. These suggestions are ways to escalate the problem.

Wrong is wrong though. OP's wife is not thinking about the family but herself when she's drowning for debt. I know it's the law but why OP should be punished again during the divorce is he is the higher earner? To me it looks like the lower earning spouse and most of them are women are holding their husbands hostage because of alimony and all the other divorce threats. How can you expect harmony in the marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a hoarder mom and I HATE clutter, it gives me ptsd.
I would arrange for a special room or barn or whatever where she keeps all her crap.
When my child was younger the clutter stressed me out so much. I would literally throw his toys out of the kitchen back to the living room or made him take them to his room.
It is maddening

Get medication and therapy. At least op's thread is good for something.

OP here again. My mom was a hoarder too and it was one of the reasons I decided to cut contact. I can’t deal with the roaches and the piles of musty mildew stuff in my childhood home. My wife is not a hoarder but she’s getting there with all the stuff she’s piling up in her ‘craft room’. She spends time sitting and gluing with glitter and goodness knows what to gift to people, to put up on our walls, and I have told her her crafting is pretty pointless and doesn’t value add to anything. And yet is costing us at least $600 a month. That could pay for some personal training sessions at my gym but no, she rather sits at home cutting colorful paper and getting glitter over the carpet. I’m at my wits end.

My husband is driving me crazy with his constant insulting demands that I give up hobbies that I enjoy to spend time at his gym instead. I don't like the gym! Lots of people don't like going to gyms! They are not really safe right now due to Covid anyway, with all the heavy breathing and fluids everywhere etc. anyway, is he trying to kill me wtf?

Beyond that, though, my real question is why won't he give up his gym membership, his sports channel subscriptions, his videogame and porn habits, his super high speed internet connection, and his premium channel subscriptions and join together with me in the soothing activity of creating art for our home from Hobby Lobby supplies? I just don't understand why he is so reluctant to do so and doesn't see the benefits of something that is truly enjoyable and good for you? His gym membership isn't truly helping anyone or creating anything useful fwiw; he still has a dad bod and is prone to testosterone filled rage outs so I don't understand why he thinks he has the high ground here. I really think ten minutes with a glue gun and some sequins would absolutely change his life, but he won't even try. I just don't know how to reach him.

[Anonymous]

Also for some reason all the hair that used to be on top of his head has relocated to his ears and nose and he also seems to hate me with the fire he used to reserve for my parents, but never mind because it looks like I'm not still at the weight I was when we married ten years ago wait while I go do some pushups hang on, in the meanwhile be best, guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had the same issue OP and it's still a struggle. I was spending hundreds every month on crafting materials. A close family member died so I justified the spending as therapy. I have two shelves full of fabric, a cricut, six sewing machines, a hoard of paint and canvas, yarn for days, a bunch of stamping materials, etc. The people at Joann's knew me on a first name basis.

I do think crafting is great therapy but it is so easy to over spend. She may be doing it out of depression also. I realized I was just buying craft stuff to make myself feel better but the feeling was temporary. I would suggest you both consider therapy.

I don't see why OP needs therapy. It's the wife who is thoughtless and empty-headed. But you're right PP, that the wife appears to be emotional spender because who can blow that much money at Hobby Lobby?

He also mentioned he has issues with her weight. Sounds like they have deeper issues than just crafting.

[Anonymous]

it's just White Midwesterner problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you even love your wife? I don't understand crafting either, but the way you are talking about your wife leads me to believe that you are no longer invested in the relationship. You are resentful of the money she spends, the time spent crafting, the weight that she's put on. Do you want to be married to this person anymore? You need to first have a real talk with her to get her to understand how you are feeling and for you both to make a plan to save your relationship. You may find that she feels similarly about you and your hobbies...

[Anonymous]

Tell her next time she goes to Michaels, buy glass vases, dip the bottom halves of them in paint then sell them for $100. She'll make it all back in no time.

[Anonymous]

My husband owns a boat. Way bigger money sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you even love your wife? I don't understand crafting either, but the way you are talking about your wife leads me to believe that you are no longer invested in the relationship. You are resentful of the money she spends, the time spent crafting, the weight that she's put on. Do you want to be married to this person anymore? You need to first have a real talk with her to get her to understand how you are feeling and for you both to make a plan to save your relationship. You may find that she feels similarly about you and your hobbies...

OP again. I asked her to move out this morning if she wasn’t willing to clear her crap. She can take the glitter-contaminated carpet with her but everything else stays. Now she’s acting contrite and says she wants to get help. Not if help is costing $100 an hour for a shrink. I told I’m done and it’s over. The responses here made me realize just how unhappy I am with my living situation and choice of partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that pp, but the wife needs therapy to figure out why she is spending to be happier (which is probably going to cost more than the crafts spending...ask me how I know...)

And the OP needs therapy because he seems to hold his wife in contempt, which a lot of marriages never recover from.

So OP needs to spend $200 to speak to some stranger about his wife's crafting hobby? Is that supposed to make feel better? Do you not realize that is money down the drain? I think the claims that OP needs to pay alimony is overblown. If OP is renting, he can move out and let the wife take over and just quietly divorce. What is the big deal? Life is too short to spend it with someone who's unattractive, both inside and out.

No, the OP needs therapy because he sounds ragey and is super upset about 20 pounds after his wife has had kids. That is, if he eventually wants to save his marriage. If not, he doesn't need therapy at all.