Rush at UVA
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Anonymous
What does that have to do with my post? |
Anonymous
Oh yeah, it has nothing to do with the rape and hazing. We are all just jealous |
Anonymous
It’s not just parents who weren’t in sororities who are against sororities. |
Anonymous
Um, ok. But what does that have to do with I said? I'm talking about parents, not others. Sounds like you didn't get an invite? |
Anonymous
I didn’t. And when I come across people like you, I thank my lucky stars. |
Anonymous
This is a myth. The only campus that has this rule is Indiana. Every other campus practices RFIM, which sets the number of available slots on the basis of the number of women who complete recruitment. If you are invited to a preference party (the last round of recruitment), you are guaranteed a bid. If 200 women start recruitment, and 200 finish recruitment, then every single one of them is guaranteed a bid on every campus in America, except for Indiana. They make spaces for them. In practice, very few women are dropped by every single sorority. At a big school, it's usually a handful (1-6) of women. It's far more common for young women to drop out because they don't like their remaining choices and then say that they were dropped. Lots of young will get to the invitation rounds, not get invited back to their first choice, and then drop out. They will tell their mothers and friends that they were dropped. It's a lot easier for them to play the victim than admit that they didn't think their remaining choices were good enough. They don't won't to join the "weird sorority" or the "fat sorority" or be in the "bottom tier." The majority of women who don't finish are women who dropped because they were being judgmental about the sororities who ware willing to consider them as members. |
Anonymous
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But do you hear yourself? The "weird sorority," the "fat sorority"
Who wants to subject their teen daughter, living away from home for the first time in their life, to this twisted culture. Where young adults are racked and stacked according to their perceived worthiness. |
Anonymous
1-3 may be true and crappy but that doesn't mean #4 is. I dropped out of UVA rush in 2003 the night of prefs because I just couldn't see myself joining either of the houses to which I was invited. I thought they were "second tier" and thus not worth it. In hindsight, I probably could have had a great 'sisterhood' experience had I embraced one of them, but in the grand scheme of 'sliding door' moments, it doesn't even crack the top 10. A decade years later, my sister rushed (successfully!) at UVA and accepted a bid at what would have been my dream house. It was her third choice and she was deflated to be cut from the other two. I think she'd say her Greek experience was mostly positive, but she wasn't/isn't a big partier, and has really only leveraged the alumnae network to find roommates in her current city. OP, I think you're right to be a supportive sounding board for your child. But I would caution you from encouraging/exacerbating/buying into the over-inflation of Greek life importance. |
Anonymous
She really doesn’t. You’re talking to the wall. She doesn’t see the rejection, the broken hearts, the snakes that some women can be and often are. She already drank the kool aid and it’s too late to save her. |
Anonymous
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Just to give you a different frame of reference, at Parents Orientation when my daughter entered a SLAC, they posted the traits they aspire to cultivating in their graduates. One was kindness. They also emphasize inclusivity.
Oh, did I mention that no fraternities or sororities are permitted at that school. Culture matter, and I felt lucky that my child had chosen an environment that displayed such values. |
Anonymous
I was a member of the "weird/fat" sorority and I think a young woman can have a great experience in any group. It's the potential new members who judge the sororities in that way. The judging that you talk about flows from potential new members to groups. |
Anonymous
Sororities look for grades first and leadership second. Then they look for women who fit with the group and who they would want as a friend. Who the boys want to mix with is way, way down on the list, if it's considered at all. |
Anonymous
| There is a lot of implicit bias that many sorority folks overlook- wealthy kids have a big advantage as it is easy to have style and look cute if you have money. Also, your Instagram will look amazing as you can travel to amazing places and take great selfies while wearing stylish clothes. Private schooling also helps kids learn polish so they come across as confident and impressive. Just another way to self select hanging out with your type of crowd |
Anonymous
| Remaining on good terms, or advancing in status in a group dynamic requires a different social skill set than establishing and nurturing one-on-one more intimate friendships. Both are needed skills. An unbalanced focus on either is undesirable. Some of the meanness observed w/groups, comes from the members losing that balance. Too much of their feelings of social acceptance is dictated by the group dynamic. |
Anonymous
Not PP, but that’s how the students refer to the sororities (and fraternities, too, to an extent). But the overall point is that if joining A Sorority - ANY sorority - is important to you - for the friendship, networking, housing, socials, for any reason - you can make it happen at most schools if you keep an open mind and don’t discount the houses that are perceived as “bottom tier.” If joining a certain sorority or a “top tier” house is what’s important to you, then yes that’s a lot more difficult, and you do have the potential to be dropped if you only bother to rank, like, the top 5 out of a typical 10-12 houses at a typical large public state university. If you rank all the houses that you’re invited to after each round you will guarantee yourself a bid SOMEWHERE at MOST schools. Not all schools, and maybe it was not done this way in the past, but it is generally now. |