Rush at UVA

[Anonymous]

Does anyone want to commiserate anonymously about the experience? I have shown as much restraint as I can muster and let DD lead the discussion which has been minimal before she intentionally shits it down. I sincerely hope she keeps an open mind after the last cut from 11 sororities down to 3 today. My only information is that these are not the 3 where she thought she had the best connection. One friend thinks there were computer-generated GPA cuts last PM which could partly explain the outcome. I have friends whose daughters are also rushing but we are avoiding the details this week as the results are all over the place.

Experienced parents, will you share advice for parenting through the next cuts and likely disappointments?

I know that DD and others will need to dig into and develop their resilience and this is just a life event and not the goal. Still, hearing your thoughts and experiences would be helpful for me.TIA!

[Anonymous]

OP: Yikes! “Shuts”

[Anonymous]

Two of my DDs went to UVA. Both rushed and ended up in sororities they were happy with. Our approach to the process was "good luck!"

You need to step back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone want to commiserate anonymously about the experience? I have shown as much restraint as I can muster and let DD lead the discussion which has been minimal before she intentionally shits it down. I sincerely hope she keeps an open mind after the last cut from 11 sororities down to 3 today. My only information is that these are not the 3 where she thought she had the best connection. One friend thinks there were computer-generated GPA cuts last PM which could partly explain the outcome. I have friends whose daughters are also rushing but we are avoiding the details this week as the results are all over the place.

Experienced parents, will you share advice for parenting through the next cuts and likely disappointments?

I know that DD and others will need to dig into and develop their resilience and this is just a life event and not the goal. Still, hearing your thoughts and experiences would be helpful for me.TIA!

Dial it down mom.

[Anonymous]

OP is certifiably nuts.

[Anonymous]

Everyone gets a spot at UVA. It all works out.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why you think OP is nuts. Her DD is going through what I know can be a crappy experience, and is definitely emotionally stressful. OP is venting here instead of to her daughter, because it sounds like DD wanted to rush and OP isn’t so into it. I didn’t get helicopter vibes from OP’s post. Are we now saying parents are crazy if they care about their kids’ experiences and feelings? Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is certifiably nuts.

She sounds overly involved to me, but I empathize to a degree. It is hard to see your child disappointed or experiencing rejection -- which is almost certain to happen at some point during rush. Sororities may be an anachronism to you, but the feelings aren't that different than not making a sports team, the school play or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is certifiably nuts.

I don't read it that way at all. She seems genuinely interesting in how other parents have navigated an emotionally challenging process. And she's not laying that on her daughter. Seems like a mature approach and reasonable request to me.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask open-ended "how was it" or "what did you think" questions. Ask "what did you LIKE about x house" or the people there.

Help focus the mental energy on what was positive.

As long as she doesn't cut her list to one house (not going to use the term here because I hate it), she is going to get into a sorority. That's not just a UVA thing, it's a Greek thing these days.

There are definitely greek chat boards that might be helpful.

[Anonymous]

The parents don't need to be involved in this process. The OP is trying live through their kid and the kid isn't going to learn anything with her butting in every time the kid is faced with adversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why you think OP is nuts. Her DD is going through what I know can be a crappy experience, and is definitely emotionally stressful. OP is venting here instead of to her daughter, because it sounds like DD wanted to rush and OP isn’t so into it. I didn’t get helicopter vibes from OP’s post. Are we now saying parents are crazy if they care about their kids’ experiences and feelings? Smh.

You cannot be serious. OP even says that she has friends whose kids are also rushing at UVA and they're comparing notes and rumors as to how cuts are made. That's insane. And, yes, helicopterish.

[Anonymous]

Sorority and fraternity rush can be very stressful and even devastating for some kids. We know several students who actually transferred after being shut out of the Greek system (and yes, one was at UVA so it’s not accurate to say everyone gets something). If all of your freshmen friends join sororities/fraternities and suddenly a whole new social world opens up to them, it can be very isolating to be left behind.

That said, there’s not much a parent can do besides being a listening ear/shoulder to cry on, and reminding DC that a process where people are judging you based on 5-10 minute conversations is going to have some arbitrary results that are not reflective of DC’s self-worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone want to commiserate anonymously about the experience? I have shown as much restraint as I can muster and let DD lead the discussion which has been minimal before she intentionally shits it down. I sincerely hope she keeps an open mind after the last cut from 11 sororities down to 3 today. My only information is that these are not the 3 where she thought she had the best connection. One friend thinks there were computer-generated GPA cuts last PM which could partly explain the outcome. I have friends whose daughters are also rushing but we are avoiding the details this week as the results are all over the place.

Experienced parents, will you share advice for parenting through the next cuts and likely disappointments?

I know that DD and others will need to dig into and develop their resilience and this is just a life event and not the goal. Still, hearing your thoughts and experiences would be helpful for me.TIA!

DD went through the process last year. It worked out for her and she loves her sorority and sisters. BUT, I think the process was a surprise for many girls. Most went in thinking there were enough spots for everyone, only to learn that there weren't. The cut from 11 to 3 was brutal, and we know a number of girls who dropped out at that point because they weren't happy with their remaining choices. There are a few avenues available even if a student drops out. There are COBs (informal bids) that occur after rush if a sorority has a few remaining spots. And a number of the "in demand" sororities inevitably have COB bids.

But it is an emotionally challenging process, and I wish you and your daughter the best as she navigates it.

[Anonymous]

I call anti-UVA troll. I have a fourth year student at UVA sleep upstairs. The students don’t return until Jan 12. I checked the Pan-Hell calendar. there’s no activity right now. Bids don’t even go out until Jan 23.