Rush at UVA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. About 400 young women dropped out of the rush process. There is nothing wrong with deciding that matches aren’t mutually desired. It apparently happens a lot.

It's fine. However, there's been a lot of bitching on this thread about how cruel sororities are because they cut women from their parties list and the poor, poor potential new members are heartbroken.

The flip side is OP's daughter. She decided that the groups who were willing to have her back weren't good enough for her. "Not comfortable" is code for "I'm too cool/cute/smart to hang out with those women." They don't get into whatever chapter they've decided is the "top house" and they quit, because they think they're better than that, even though they haven't met those women for more than an hour or two and are going off the reputation and gossip that freshman share among themselves. A lot of them don't even go through the process before making up their minds. It's deeply judgmental and shallow.

[Anonymous]

Glass houses, pp. You assumed a lot about PP's daughter. If she was not a good fit where she was invited, then it was wise to move on. Don't superimpose a judgment that you might have made long ago on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. About 400 young women dropped out of the rush process. There is nothing wrong with deciding that matches aren’t mutually desired. It apparently happens a lot.

It's fine. However, there's been a lot of bitching on this thread about how cruel sororities are because they cut women from their parties list and the poor, poor potential new members are heartbroken.

The flip side is OP's daughter. She decided that the groups who were willing to have her back weren't good enough for her. "Not comfortable" is code for "I'm too cool/cute/smart to hang out with those women." They don't get into whatever chapter they've decided is the "top house" and they quit, because they think they're better than that, even though they haven't met those women for more than an hour or two and are going off the reputation and gossip that freshman share among themselves. A lot of them don't even go through the process before making up their minds. It's deeply judgmental and shallow.

This just shows how the whole process is a bit sick on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glass houses, pp. You assumed a lot about PP's daughter. If she was not a good fit where she was invited, then it was wise to move on. Don't superimpose a judgment that you might have made long ago on her.

She's not a victim of bullying mean girle, though. She made a choice. The same "not a good fit" choice the sororities made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glass houses, pp. You assumed a lot about PP's daughter. If she was not a good fit where she was invited, then it was wise to move on. Don't superimpose a judgment that you might have made long ago on her.

She's not a victim of bullying mean girle, though. She made a choice. The same "not a good fit" choice the sororities made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glass houses, pp. You assumed a lot about PP's daughter. If she was not a good fit where she was invited, then it was wise to move on. Don't superimpose a judgment that you might have made long ago on her.

She's not a victim of bullying mean girle, though. She made a choice. The same "not a good fit" choice the sororities made.

You used the quotes for a reason. Because not a good fit is often code for ugly, doesn't dress well enough, etc. I know. I saw it first-hand. So how is that not mean behavior? I won't just say mean girl as fraternities do it too.

[Anonymous]

I have a DD who decides not to accept a bid after going through the process. I think it came down to not wanting to have to compromise and FOCI on the one social group that made a big deal about mandatory socializing with certain frats. Her brother talked to her about what he was seeing from the frat perspective at JMU and DD took that into consideration. She is a little more on the artsy and academic side and was hoping to match with a sorority with that mix. She made a choice, decided not to settle for what she thought was the wrong bid and is moving forward. It was really hard to miss out on all the bid day celebrations and the ongoing initiation socials but she does have a taste of what it takes to make independent choices. I think she handled this much better than my 18 year old self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glass houses, pp. You assumed a lot about PP's daughter. If she was not a good fit where she was invited, then it was wise to move on. Don't superimpose a judgment that you might have made long ago on her.

She's not a victim of bullying mean girle, though. She made a choice. The same "not a good fit" choice the sororities made.

You used the quotes for a reason. Because not a good fit is often code for ugly, doesn't dress well enough, etc. I know. I saw it first-hand. So how is that not mean behavior? I won't just say mean girl as fraternities do it too.

You can't have it both ways. The "not a good fit" is either code for judgy, mean girl behavior by potential new members and by the sororities or it isn't.

Sororities choose who they want as new members. They rank women on a lot of criteria - grades, activities, leadership, looks, personality, shared interests.

Potential new members choose groups that they rank on a lot of criteria - campus reputation, looks, personality,shared interests, grades, activities, leadership.

If you view a group turning down a PNM because she's "not a good fit," as mean girl behavior because you interpret lack of fit as "she's too fat or awkward or weird," then you have to concede that potential new members who refuse invitations or drop out because they feel that their remaining choices are "a poor fit" for them is engaged in the exact same behavior. They're rejecting groups they barely know because they think they are too fat or awkward or weird.

If you think that potential new members are making a good faith effort to find groups where they fit in and will be happy, then you have to concede that sororities are also making a good faith effort to find new members who will fit in and will be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who decides not to accept a bid after going through the process. I think it came down to not wanting to have to compromise and FOCI on the one social group that made a big deal about mandatory socializing with certain frats. Her brother talked to her about what he was seeing from the frat perspective at JMU and DD took that into consideration. She is a little more on the artsy and academic side and was hoping to match with a sorority with that mix. She made a choice, decided not to settle for what she thought was the wrong bid and is moving forward. It was really hard to miss out on all the bid day celebrations and the ongoing initiation socials but she does have a taste of what it takes to make independent choices. I think she handled this much better than my 18 year old self.

Good for her. There are tons of kids who choose not to go Greek. She won’t have any problem finding her “people” the old-fashioned way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glass houses, pp. You assumed a lot about PP's daughter. If she was not a good fit where she was invited, then it was wise to move on. Don't superimpose a judgment that you might have made long ago on her.

She's not a victim of bullying mean girle, though. She made a choice. The same "not a good fit" choice the sororities made.

You used the quotes for a reason. Because not a good fit is often code for ugly, doesn't dress well enough, etc. I know. I saw it first-hand. So how is that not mean behavior? I won't just say mean girl as fraternities do it too.

You can't have it both ways. The "not a good fit" is either code for judgy, mean girl behavior by potential new members and by the sororities or it isn't.

Sororities choose who they want as new members. They rank women on a lot of criteria - grades, activities, leadership, looks, personality, shared interests.

Potential new members choose groups that they rank on a lot of criteria - campus reputation, looks, personality,shared interests, grades, activities, leadership.

If you view a group turning down a PNM because she's "not a good fit," as mean girl behavior because you interpret lack of fit as "she's too fat or awkward or weird," then you have to concede that potential new members who refuse invitations or drop out because they feel that their remaining choices are "a poor fit" for them is engaged in the exact same behavior. They're rejecting groups they barely know because they think they are too fat or awkward or weird.

If you think that potential new members are making a good faith effort to find groups where they fit in and will be happy, then you have to concede that sororities are also making a good faith effort to find new members who will fit in and will be happy.

I can, actually. Because the girls who turn something down are then the ones who a) are left without a sorority to belong to, b) often have to wait until next rush months later (this can vary), and c) the sororities are in the position of the power here. They are thing "in demand" product. People want them for a reason and they sell and image and an experience (and those go beyond looks-philanthropy, scholarship, leadership, friendship). . . and it is not one in which they are forthright about "we only want pretty girls" (which it very often is and those factors play a big role in it. Too big). And, let me tell you, sororities are absolutely no "making a good faith effort to find new members who will fit in and will be happy." I've seen it first-hand.

You can keep defending this. But, you are flatly incorrect. About the process. The reasons. And how this works.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that your chapter experience was so negative and that you are so bitter.

Your description is not how it works in most chapters on most campuses. Chapters really are making a good faith effort to choose members who will be happy in the chapter. Nobody wants a miserable woman causing a lot of drama. It's not fun. Chapters are looking for friends, sisters and roommate. "Fits in" is much more important than "cute" in that equation.

[Anonymous]

What are the social options for the non Greek? Do non-Greeks attend Foxfield? Are there chances for mixers outside of Greek life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the social options for the non Greek? Do non-Greeks attend Foxfield? Are there chances for mixers outside of Greek life?

Yes, plenty of options! Many clubs and student organizations outside of Greek life have very active social lives. Club sports, acapella/music groups, political groups, etc. Many have their own unofficial houses or apartments where they hold all their social events. Beyond just parties, clubs also do mixers with one another.

And yes, plenty of non-Greek members attend Foxfield. Anyone can buy a plot! Lots of organizations will buy a plot just like a Greek organization will. My kid went with his engineering society.

[Anonymous]

The majority of people at UVA aren’t in frats or sororities. There’s plenty to do. Plenty of kids never even step foot in a frat house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The majority of people at UVA aren’t in frats or sororities. There’s plenty to do. Plenty of kids never even step foot in a frat house.

+1 It can seem for freshman at many schools that Greek life is predominate and the primary route to parties/social life but that's just because nobody else is actively courting them. Once they see past that the find many more options--just is slightly slower to build and less obvious on the surface.