Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?

[Anonymous]

He's not going to say jack until you talk to him OP.

He's banking on you being too scared or confused to say a thing.

Their married has likely been on the outs for a few years. He's not an attentive spouse, she calls him out on it, he doesn't step up, now he's rationalizing his terrible sin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's her sponsor in AlAnon. Since it's anonymous, he's not allowed to introduce her to others.

I’d think op would know if her BIL is a recovered raging alcoholic involved in AA.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I had this odd experience happen the other day and wanted to run it by DCUM. My DW was out of town, and I promised the kids I'd get them some ice cream. Candidly, DW has been on a health kick recently and doesn't want me to give the kids sweets. Personally, ice cream is my weakness, and I regularly stop by our neighborhood ice cream shop for a scoop on my way home from work. DW is none the wiser. I got the kids' orders for flavors and left them playing their video game and drove to the ice cream shop. I parked near the side entrance because it was more convenient. Man, I was in my happy place when I got inside. Probably bounded up to the counter like a giddy child.

After a second of starting to place my order, I noticed my SIL in the shop. I was mortified that I hadn't seen her first, and was worried that she'd rat me out to DW for buying sugary treats for the kids. But I stopped by and said hello to her and our niece, although SIL was sort of off-putting, glaring at me like she was suspicious of something. She didn't invite me to sit and join them. Maybe I read too much into the situation, but I got the vibe that she didn't want to chat. By this point, there was a bit of a line, so I plopped down at an adjacent table next to the store owners' kid and chatted with him for a few minutes -- like I said, ice cream is my weakness and I've frequented this store, so I know the employees. (I'm also a really extroverted guy, even my suspicious SIL would admit that.)

By the time I looked up, there was no more line and SIL had left. Had she wanted to talk, she would have (believe me, she is one of those "up in your business" people), so I guess I read her tone correctly when I didn't sit down with them. Anyways, I got my ice cream and left. The kids were happy.

By the way, although my marriage isn't perfect, it would be crazy -- would it not? -- for me to carry on an affair by visiting the very public workplace of my mistress? Why would I want to visit her during working hours anyways? And wouldn't it be quite odd if I had introduced myself to and was familiar with this mistress's family (multiple members of whom were inexplicably and bizarrely present at the ice cream shop), including her young child? And to do all of this in the same town where DW's family lives, at an establishment that I know SIL and her family frequents? That would be so indiscreet that not even DCUM would suspect me of having an affair, right?

[Anonymous]

He didn’t order anything. He ignored his family.

As with the alcoholism, op would KNOW if her sister was anti Ice cream and anti sugar and anti treat. She would know her sister didn’t allow it and BIL was getting some ice cream on the DL. She’d know if: he was: an alcoholic, a man denied ice cream and getting some while sis is out of town, etc.

She wouldn’t come here to ask because it’d make SENSE, why he was in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I had this odd experience happen the other day and wanted to run it by DCUM. My DW was out of town, and I promised the kids I'd get them some ice cream. Candidly, DW has been on a health kick recently and doesn't want me to give the kids sweets. Personally, ice cream is my weakness, and I regularly stop by our neighborhood ice cream shop for a scoop on my way home from work. DW is none the wiser. I got the kids' orders for flavors and left them playing their video game and drove to the ice cream shop. I parked near the side entrance because it was more convenient. Man, I was in my happy place when I got inside. Probably bounded up to the counter like a giddy child.

After a second of starting to place my order, I noticed my SIL in the shop. I was mortified that I hadn't seen her first, and was worried that she'd rat me out to DW for buying sugary treats for the kids. But I stopped by and said hello to her and our niece, although SIL was sort of off-putting, glaring at me like she was suspicious of something. She didn't invite me to sit and join them. Maybe I read too much into the situation, but I got the vibe that she didn't want to chat. By this point, there was a bit of a line, so I plopped down at an adjacent table next to the store owners' kid and chatted with him for a few minutes -- like I said, ice cream is my weakness and I've frequented this store, so I know the employees. (I'm also a really extroverted guy, even my suspicious SIL would admit that.)

By the time I looked up, there was no more line and SIL had left. Had she wanted to talk, she would have (believe me, she is one of those "up in your business" people), so I guess I read her tone correctly when I didn't sit down with them. Anyways, I got my ice cream and left. The kids were happy.

By the way, although my marriage isn't perfect, it would be crazy -- would it not? -- for me to carry on an affair by visiting the very public workplace of my mistress? Why would I want to visit her during working hours anyways? And wouldn't it be quite odd if I had introduced myself to and was familiar with this mistress's family (multiple members of whom were inexplicably and bizarrely present at the ice cream shop), including her young child? And to do all of this in the same town where DW's family lives, at an establishment that I know SIL and her family frequents? That would be so indiscreet that not even DCUM would suspect me of having an affair, right?

Only he didn’t order anything, so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I had this odd experience happen the other day and wanted to run it by DCUM. My DW was out of town, and I promised the kids I'd get them some ice cream. Candidly, DW has been on a health kick recently and doesn't want me to give the kids sweets. Personally, ice cream is my weakness, and I regularly stop by our neighborhood ice cream shop for a scoop on my way home from work. DW is none the wiser. I got the kids' orders for flavors and left them playing their video game and drove to the ice cream shop. I parked near the side entrance because it was more convenient. Man, I was in my happy place when I got inside. Probably bounded up to the counter like a giddy child.

After a second of starting to place my order, I noticed my SIL in the shop. I was mortified that I hadn't seen her first, and was worried that she'd rat me out to DW for buying sugary treats for the kids. But I stopped by and said hello to her and our niece, although SIL was sort of off-putting, glaring at me like she was suspicious of something. She didn't invite me to sit and join them. Maybe I read too much into the situation, but I got the vibe that she didn't want to chat. By this point, there was a bit of a line, so I plopped down at an adjacent table next to the store owners' kid and chatted with him for a few minutes -- like I said, ice cream is my weakness and I've frequented this store, so I know the employees. (I'm also a really extroverted guy, even my suspicious SIL would admit that.)

By the time I looked up, there was no more line and SIL had left. Had she wanted to talk, she would have (believe me, she is one of those "up in your business" people), so I guess I read her tone correctly when I didn't sit down with them. Anyways, I got my ice cream and left. The kids were happy.

By the way, although my marriage isn't perfect, it would be crazy -- would it not? -- for me to carry on an affair by visiting the very public workplace of my mistress? Why would I want to visit her during working hours anyways? And wouldn't it be quite odd if I had introduced myself to and was familiar with this mistress's family (multiple members of whom were inexplicably and bizarrely present at the ice cream shop), including her young child? And to do all of this in the same town where DW's family lives, at an establishment that I know SIL and her family frequents? That would be so indiscreet that not even DCUM would suspect me of having an affair, right?

Only he didn’t order anything, so there’s that.

Didn't she leave before him? So maybe he did, after she left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I had this odd experience happen the other day and wanted to run it by DCUM. My DW was out of town, and I promised the kids I'd get them some ice cream. Candidly, DW has been on a health kick recently and doesn't want me to give the kids sweets. Personally, ice cream is my weakness, and I regularly stop by our neighborhood ice cream shop for a scoop on my way home from work. DW is none the wiser. I got the kids' orders for flavors and left them playing their video game and drove to the ice cream shop. I parked near the side entrance because it was more convenient. Man, I was in my happy place when I got inside. Probably bounded up to the counter like a giddy child.

After a second of starting to place my order, I noticed my SIL in the shop. I was mortified that I hadn't seen her first, and was worried that she'd rat me out to DW for buying sugary treats for the kids. But I stopped by and said hello to her and our niece, although SIL was sort of off-putting, glaring at me like she was suspicious of something. She didn't invite me to sit and join them. Maybe I read too much into the situation, but I got the vibe that she didn't want to chat. By this point, there was a bit of a line, so I plopped down at an adjacent table next to the store owners' kid and chatted with him for a few minutes -- like I said, ice cream is my weakness and I've frequented this store, so I know the employees. (I'm also a really extroverted guy, even my suspicious SIL would admit that.)

By the time I looked up, there was no more line and SIL had left. Had she wanted to talk, she would have (believe me, she is one of those "up in your business" people), so I guess I read her tone correctly when I didn't sit down with them. Anyways, I got my ice cream and left. The kids were happy.

By the way, although my marriage isn't perfect, it would be crazy -- would it not? -- for me to carry on an affair by visiting the very public workplace of my mistress? Why would I want to visit her during working hours anyways? And wouldn't it be quite odd if I had introduced myself to and was familiar with this mistress's family (multiple members of whom were inexplicably and bizarrely present at the ice cream shop), including her young child? And to do all of this in the same town where DW's family lives, at an establishment that I know SIL and her family frequents? That would be so indiscreet that not even DCUM would suspect me of having an affair, right?

Only he didn’t order anything, so there’s that.

No, remember he waited until she left? Because if op was so nosy and crazy, that would work. His presence in an ice cream shop would not be enough to set the hounds in motion.

Op is not a busybody or nosy or crazy. She was doing a normal activity with her child and BIL- who again- LEFT HIS KIDS HOME ALONE-showed up.

She didn’t call her sister immediately. She didn’t confront him either in the shop or after. She hasn’t mentioned it to her sister. But she’s “all up in his business?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t order anything. He ignored his family.

As with the alcoholism, op would KNOW if her sister was anti Ice cream and anti sugar and anti treat. She would know her sister didn’t allow it and BIL was getting some ice cream on the DL. She’d know if: he was: an alcoholic, a man denied ice cream and getting some while sis is out of town, etc.

She wouldn’t come here to ask because it’d make SENSE, why he was in there.

Not true, she says that he said hi to her and chatted. Not "ignored" in any meaningful sense of the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I had this odd experience happen the other day and wanted to run it by DCUM. My DW was out of town, and I promised the kids I'd get them some ice cream. Candidly, DW has been on a health kick recently and doesn't want me to give the kids sweets. Personally, ice cream is my weakness, and I regularly stop by our neighborhood ice cream shop for a scoop on my way home from work. DW is none the wiser. I got the kids' orders for flavors and left them playing their video game and drove to the ice cream shop. I parked near the side entrance because it was more convenient. Man, I was in my happy place when I got inside. Probably bounded up to the counter like a giddy child.

After a second of starting to place my order, I noticed my SIL in the shop. I was mortified that I hadn't seen her first, and was worried that she'd rat me out to DW for buying sugary treats for the kids. But I stopped by and said hello to her and our niece, although SIL was sort of off-putting, glaring at me like she was suspicious of something. She didn't invite me to sit and join them. Maybe I read too much into the situation, but I got the vibe that she didn't want to chat. By this point, there was a bit of a line, so I plopped down at an adjacent table next to the store owners' kid and chatted with him for a few minutes -- like I said, ice cream is my weakness and I've frequented this store, so I know the employees. (I'm also a really extroverted guy, even my suspicious SIL would admit that.)

By the time I looked up, there was no more line and SIL had left. Had she wanted to talk, she would have (believe me, she is one of those "up in your business" people), so I guess I read her tone correctly when I didn't sit down with them. Anyways, I got my ice cream and left. The kids were happy.

By the way, although my marriage isn't perfect, it would be crazy -- would it not? -- for me to carry on an affair by visiting the very public workplace of my mistress? Why would I want to visit her during working hours anyways? And wouldn't it be quite odd if I had introduced myself to and was familiar with this mistress's family (multiple members of whom were inexplicably and bizarrely present at the ice cream shop), including her young child? And to do all of this in the same town where DW's family lives, at an establishment that I know SIL and her family frequents? That would be so indiscreet that not even DCUM would suspect me of having an affair, right?

Only he didn’t order anything, so there’s that.

Didn't she leave before him? So maybe he did, after she left.

Yes, delayed ice cream ordering is a serious medical condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t order anything. He ignored his family.

As with the alcoholism, op would KNOW if her sister was anti Ice cream and anti sugar and anti treat. She would know her sister didn’t allow it and BIL was getting some ice cream on the DL. She’d know if: he was: an alcoholic, a man denied ice cream and getting some while sis is out of town, etc.

She wouldn’t come here to ask because it’d make SENSE, why he was in there.

Not true, she says that he said hi to her and chatted. Not "ignored" in any meaningful sense of the word.

“Once I get his attention, he looks a little uncomfortable, comes over and mumbles a short hello to me and my daughter and then goes and sits down at another table but doesn't order anything. He then moves to an adjacent table and starts small talk with a child around 5 or 6, who is clearly a relative of the lady behind the counter (I could tell by the interaction between the lady behind the counter, the boy and some other relatives who were sitting at another table). My daughter and I were there for about 15 minutes and my BIL spent pretty much the entire time with the little boy.”

Come on enabler. It’s in black and white.

[Anonymous]

My gut tells me that the woman is his daughter and the kid is his grandkid. Maybe he is not sure that it's is his daughter yet and wants to be 100% sure before he spills the news to his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd mention it when I next saw him, but nothing crazy.

Hey, it was funny seeing you at the ice cream place! I never run into you. Who were those people you were talking with?

And leave it at that. You can always follow up with I didn't even know there was a back door, so it was really surprising when you ran in if he doesn't freak out. Do you work nearby? I've only been there twice.

This is the only reasonable thing to do.
Some of you are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My gut tells me that the woman is his daughter and the kid is his grandkid. Maybe he is not sure that it's is his daughter yet and wants to be 100% sure before he spills the news to his wife.

Yes, he’s maintained an adult daughter and grandchild in the same town for over 20 years but can’t order ice cream unless wife is out of town. Makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd mention it when I next saw him, but nothing crazy.

Hey, it was funny seeing you at the ice cream place! I never run into you. Who were those people you were talking with?

And leave it at that. You can always follow up with I didn't even know there was a back door, so it was really surprising when you ran in if he doesn't freak out. Do you work nearby? I've only been there twice.

This is the only reasonable thing to do.
Some of you are insane.

A: “Huh? What are you talking about? Who? Oh! I don’t know! Just getting ice cream, you know. I don’t know the person behind the counter or the kid, just making small talk.”

Case closed. All is well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My gut tells me that the woman is his daughter and the kid is his grandkid. Maybe he is not sure that it's is his daughter yet and wants to be 100% sure before he spills the news to his wife.

Yes, he’s maintained an adult daughter and grandchild in the same town for over 20 years but can’t order ice cream unless wife is out of town. Makes sense.

People sometimes just find out about things like this many years later. My BIL found out he has an adult son when he needed a blood transfusion. Had one night stand with his mom in college and the mother wanted to keep child for herself.