Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?

[Anonymous]

You should start going for ice-cream every day, and making small talk with the ice-cream gal.

You can probably get the goods out of her within a couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Based on what you said in your post about your sisters crazy antics, I am less inclined to think the meeting was innocent. Women like your sister drive innocent men away all the time.

I’d probably keep my mouth shut to her. But just know that keeping quiet with him may have ramifications for you down the line. It can also make him assume you know he was wrong - since it was such an awkward behavior, and you’re now acting as if you didn’t see him at all that day. It’s almost stranger to say nothing in a willingly blind see no evil hear no evil sort of way.

Still. It’s a judgment call only you can make, you know your family best. I respect your decision. If it ever comes to anything, hopefully uour sister will too.

On another note - you should try to encourage sis to calm the eff down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do as you wish but remember if he’s cheating and she ever finds out you’ll have to hide the ice cream incident from her.

She’s going to go after you if you knew and said nothing.

You aren’t responsible for the fall out he’s courting if he’s unfaithful. He knows how she is also.

Well, she doesn't "know." And "hide the ice cream incident"? Say the marriage does blow up. I highly doubt that L'affaire Ice Cream is going to be in the divorce decree. There will be nothing to hide.

Geez, DCUM, she's saying she's going to keep her eyes open now that her suspicions are raised. That doesn't seem crazy given that her sister is a "scorched earth" nuclear (over-)reactor. But I know we're not happy with that because what we secretly all want is a videotaped meltdown of epic proportions, damn the consequences to the family and kids, because we're DCUM and we crave vicarious drama. (And for the record I was someone who earlier advised a very quick and gentle, "nice to see you at the ice cream store!" to BIL, but I can acknowledge that OP knows her family and the situation better than I do.)

Riiiiight. Sis is going to find out DH has been banging around and her sis knew of at least one bang and saw evidence and said nothing?

Sure sure.

I'll hold my breath for where the sis "saw evidence" of a "bang"! And, again, if sis finds out that DH has been banging around, how exactly is L'Affaire Ice Cream going to come to light? "Yes, honey, I've been having an affair for years. Also, once your sister ran into me at the ice cream shop where my mistress worked, even though I deliberately avoided interacting with the mistress in front of her and left her confused as to whether she had actually witnessed anything suspicious at all. So you should definitely think that she's the bad guy here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do as you wish but remember if he’s cheating and she ever finds out you’ll have to hide the ice cream incident from her.

She’s going to go after you if you knew and said nothing.

You aren’t responsible for the fall out he’s courting if he’s unfaithful. He knows how she is also.

Well, she doesn't "know." And "hide the ice cream incident"? Say the marriage does blow up. I highly doubt that L'affaire Ice Cream is going to be in the divorce decree. There will be nothing to hide.

Geez, DCUM, she's saying she's going to keep her eyes open now that her suspicions are raised. That doesn't seem crazy given that her sister is a "scorched earth" nuclear (over-)reactor. But I know we're not happy with that because what we secretly all want is a videotaped meltdown of epic proportions, damn the consequences to the family and kids, because we're DCUM and we crave vicarious drama. (And for the record I was someone who earlier advised a very quick and gentle, "nice to see you at the ice cream store!" to BIL, but I can acknowledge that OP knows her family and the situation better than I do.)

Riiiiight. Sis is going to find out DH has been banging around and her sis knew of at least one bang and saw evidence and said nothing?

Sure sure.

I'll hold my breath for where the sis "saw evidence" of "at least one bang"! ("At least" one! Do you think that what OP witnessed is "seeing evidence" of more than one!? She's not clairvoyant!)

And, again, if sis finds out that DH has been banging around, how exactly is L'Affaire Ice Cream going to come to light? "Yes, honey, I've been having an affair for years. Also, once your sister ran into me at the ice cream shop where my mistress worked, even though I deliberately avoided interacting with the mistress in front of her and left her confused as to whether she had actually witnessed anything suspicious at all. So you should definitely think that she's the bad guy here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand the relationships here. She's your sister - just tell her you saw him there and have her ask what he was doing there. You don't have to give all the details about sitting with the kid etc.

"Hey, I saw John at the ice cream store while you were away - did he mention he said hi to us?"

With a sane person, this would work. With a crazy person who blows everything out of proportion and creates drama where there is none - this is asking for World War 3. You cannot take this approach with a dramatic, scorched earth, batshit crazy SAHM itching for a reason to go scorched earth.

[Anonymous]

And this happened while she was away??!

LOL.

Yeah.. No. ABSOLUTELY no. Leave that mine right where it is.

[Anonymous]

Why does the ice-cream girl have so many family members just hanging around the shop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I really appreciate everyone's feedback but honestly, after reading everything, I think I'm stuck and can't say anything. If I ask him one on one, he'll make up something and I can't prove he's lying. If I mention in front of my sister, no doubt, she will hit the roof, they'll get into an all out fight, it damages their relationship, my relationship with him, potentially my relationship with her and affects the relationships of the cousins (who are extremely close). My sister is a "scorched earth" fighter, meaning - it would not be beyond her to get into a huge fight with him, throw him under the bus on social media, contact his job - she's extreme in a way you can't imagine. Plus my sister does not work - so it's not like she can up and leave him and still support herself. The only thing I can really do is try to see if I run across anything more concrete. I can't really come at her with the ice cream story and potentially jeopardize their marriage over it although I'm convinced something is happening. I just need better proof. If I get that, I'll sit her down and tell her because she deserves to know and I want her to be able to protect herself.

This made me laugh. Your sister sounds like a lunatic.

Seriously, OP’s sister sounds mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird that he didn’t spend the time you were there talking to you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters and liars deserved scorched earth.

op should have some fun with the ice cream debacle and ask him about it.

Sister should Hillary Clinton the cheater and keep him; everyone will know he’s a cheater soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should mention it. To him or to her. Or to the sexy ice cream lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Based on what you said in your post about your sisters crazy antics, I am less inclined to think the meeting was innocent. Women like your sister drive innocent men away all the time.

I’d probably keep my mouth shut to her. But just know that keeping quiet with him may have ramifications for you down the line. It can also make him assume you know he was wrong - since it was such an awkward behavior, and you’re now acting as if you didn’t see him at all that day. It’s almost stranger to say nothing in a willingly blind see no evil hear no evil sort of way.

Still. It’s a judgment call only you can make, you know your family best. I respect your decision. If it ever comes to anything, hopefully uour sister will too.

On another note - you should try to encourage sis to calm the eff down.

Honestly, this was my first thought. But I didn’t want to say it because feminists won’t hear it. The man is ALWAYS wrong, unless he isn’t! Just like a woman can withhold sex, a woman can withould emotion. Looks like he found what he is lacking in his marriage, with this woman. Maybe she needs to work on herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mention it to her when he is in the room.

This.
“Hey sis. Did Larlo tell you we ran into him at Scoopz? I wish I’d known he was besties with the girl behind the counter. Seemed to know her family that was there. She could’ve given me the family discount on that mud pie ice cream I love. What was her name, Larlo?”

THIS. ALL OF THIS.

NONE of this! Why play games with your sister like that, dropping juvenile comments about him being besties with the counter girl. Here's the adult version: "Hey sis, I saw Bill at the ice cream shop the other day. You know I love Bill but it was weird because he barely said hi to us and spent most of his time talking to a random kid at another table. Everything okay on your end?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mention it to her when he is in the room.

This.
“Hey sis. Did Larlo tell you we ran into him at Scoopz? I wish I’d known he was besties with the girl behind the counter. Seemed to know her family that was there. She could’ve given me the family discount on that mud pie ice cream I love. What was her name, Larlo?”

This is obnoxious. Honestly I would stay out of it unless you knew for sure something was nefarious.

[Anonymous]

Could the ice cream girl be a former babysitter/nanny to BIL's kids? What line of work is he in? If he's a high school teacher or college professor or coach or something like that this really wouldn't be odd.

Next time you see him I'd pull him aside and say "I'm not going to say anything to my sister because I know how she is, but you seemed really weird in the ice cream shop the other day." Don't ask him a question, just leave it at that. If he has an explanation, he'll offer it. And you've put him on notice that you're suspicious. Or make DH say something to him man-to-man.