Do you downplay your wealth? A social discussion NOT a money discussion...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes people incorrectly assume the cost of items. Years ago a friend asked about my diamond stud earrings - had said she'd been admiring them a long time. I confessed they were fakes from Ann Taylor that I had scooped up on sale. I wore them all the time because I didn't spend more money on earrings.

I also spent months looking for a deal on a used BMW SUV. I was psyched that I got it for 24K though many people said they thought I'd spent double that.

It kind of sounds like you want to look like you own expensive flashy items, so of course people assume that. Why not buy a brand new VW SUV instead of a used BMW and why not silver earrings instead of fake diamonds?

Because I don't buy new cars and I don't like pearls, but now you've made me realize that deep down I just want to be flashy and I'm morally inferior to you. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I think the biggest measure of showing off wealth or hiding it is your house. We've always preferred to be millionaires in a middle class neighborhood. No one is showing off for anyone. And people are a lot nicer, in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest measure of showing off wealth or hiding it is your house. We've always preferred to be millionaires in a middle class neighborhood. No one is showing off for anyone. And people are a lot nicer, in my experience.

I totally disagree. Many people are house poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest measure of showing off wealth or hiding it is your house. We've always preferred to be millionaires in a middle class neighborhood. No one is showing off for anyone. And people are a lot nicer, in my experience.

I totally disagree. Many people are house poor.

And many people are in middle or upper middle class neighborhoods but homes are paid off. You absolutely can't tell by looking at someone's home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought most people we know likely think we have a much higher income than we do.

We live in a house we bought for $200k that is now worth nearly $1m. We eat out a lot and we go on a lot of trips and vacations. A LOT. But we use points and deals all the time and I'm an excellent frugal travel shopper. We've had some amazing trips, including a two week trip to the SW for less than $2k incl air fare (family of four), regular trips to Europe and to Maine every summer. But our vacation budget so far this year has been less than $3k. If it comes up I'll share my travel tips, but sometimes I'm embarrassed how our travels may appear to others.

Our income is actually about $95k with a stay at home spouse.

What is SW?

I'll give you three guesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought most people we know likely think we have a much higher income than we do.

We live in a house we bought for $200k that is now worth nearly $1m. We eat out a lot and we go on a lot of trips and vacations. A LOT. But we use points and deals all the time and I'm an excellent frugal travel shopper. We've had some amazing trips, including a two week trip to the SW for less than $2k incl air fare (family of four), regular trips to Europe and to Maine every summer. But our vacation budget so far this year has been less than $3k. If it comes up I'll share my travel tips, but sometimes I'm embarrassed how our travels may appear to others.

Our income is actually about $95k with a stay at home spouse.

What is SW?

So weird

I'll give you three guesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest measure of showing off wealth or hiding it is your house. We've always preferred to be millionaires in a middle class neighborhood. No one is showing off for anyone. And people are a lot nicer, in my experience.

I feel like it is education. The 130k we will fairly easily spend on college and private school tuition this year is more than four times our mortgage and by far our largest expense. I feel like I live a pretty average existence as far as homes/cars etc., and can relate to my friends who are still in the midwest (where I grew up), until we start talking about college/schools. That is where I fall silent, and underplay wealth. They have no idea how much a private school tuition costs in the DC-area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the biggest measure of showing off wealth or hiding it is your house. We've always preferred to be millionaires in a middle class neighborhood. No one is showing off for anyone. And people are a lot nicer, in my experience.

I feel like it is education. The 130k we will fairly easily spend on college and private school tuition this year is more than four times our mortgage and by far our largest expense. I feel like I live a pretty average existence as far as homes/cars etc., and can relate to my friends who are still in the midwest (where I grew up), until we start talking about college/schools. That is where I fall silent, and underplay wealth. They have no idea how much a private school tuition costs in the DC-area.

I still can't tell from private school. Friends of ours have kids in private school but it is paid for fully by the kids' paternal grandmother. We have other friends who have kids in private and while they pay for it themselves, they drive very mediocre cars and take very mediocre vacations. I know a third family (this is a family member of mine) who affords private BUT both the mother and father work AND they put nothing into their retirement other than into IRAs ($5500) each year. While both appear to "afford" private, you can't say that this is some status symbol of either family's wealth. I think the point is that:

1. You can't tell if someone flaunts wealth that they are wealthy because the lifestyle could be financed by a bunch of debt.

2. You can't tell if someone flaunts poverty or appears to be very middle class if they "poor" or middle class because they could be millionaire next door types. (We hear all the time about the janitor at this or that place who ends up leaving millions in his will to a hospital or library or college.)

3. You can't tell from someone's clothing, cars, private school or public school choice for their kids, jewelry, vacations, or anything else whether the person has money.

I absolutely downplay my wealth for no reason other than that's who I am. I am not flashy. I am not into expensive cars or homes (though we own multiple homes and buildings). I have no idea what people think when they see me, but I would guess I would appear solidly average and I have about close to $15 million between my spouse and myself.

[Anonymous]

We hid our wealth initially, but outed ourselves when we bought our home. Anyone with an internet connection can see what we paid for it and that we paid cash (NYC). We don't otherwise look the part, but that purchase alone gives it away.

[Anonymous]

I the DC area I was shocked how broke folks are who buy expensive homes.

I saw a great REO house to bid on in Bethesda and realtor kept pushing how much I am putting down, am I prequalified, is my current home up for sale that I needed for offer. I was like WTF I said don't worry will put proof of funds in. Realtor than was in shocked I had the amount to do the bid. I was like I plan on getting mortgage for tax purposes but of course I had proof of funds. In NY any real offer has proof of funds and non contingent on a mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hid our wealth initially, but outed ourselves when we bought our home. Anyone with an internet connection can see what we paid for it and that we paid cash (NYC). We don't otherwise look the part, but that purchase alone gives it away.

How can you see on the Internet that one had a mortgage?

[Anonymous]

In NY it clearly lists cash sales. Propertyshark also pulls up your mortgage amount a calculates current loan to value. NY also has a tax exemption for folks who make under 500k a year. So I can in a second check if you make above 500k a year and how leveraged you are on home.

I can also search how many homes you own quickly in NY. My cousin owns 300 houses in NYC. Would never know it.

[Anonymous]

Look people, it's pretty clear in this area who has money and who doesn't. Nice house in a "good" school district? Easily 1M or more. Two nice 50k + cars? Easily 100k and more. Country club membership? Easily mid five figures for the initiation fee plus several hundred ongoing monthly fee. Private school for 2 kids? You're looking at 70k +. Several vacations for 4 people? Easily 25k plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In NY it clearly lists cash sales. Propertyshark also pulls up your mortgage amount a calculates current loan to value. NY also has a tax exemption for folks who make under 500k a year. So I can in a second check if you make above 500k a year and how leveraged you are on home.

I can also search how many homes you own quickly in NY. My cousin owns 300 houses in NYC. Would never know it.

Can you post the link to search this? Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Cars, country club, house - all can be bought with bonus money and high income. Having all these things simply tells you how much people can spend (their HHi) - that is a far cry from knowing Net Worth.