Do you downplay your wealth? A social discussion NOT a money discussion...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not flashy but people aren't dumb and can clearly add things up in their head. The fact that I'm a SAHM, the fact have 4 kids, well-dressed, location of house etc etc.

Lots of people like you - perhaps most - are loaded down with debt. They are one job loss away from serious trouble.

A high net worth is different.

+1. My first thought would be "you are loaded down with debt."

+3

I don't understand this. You can't pay for a lot of things with debt.

What can't you pay for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not flashy but people aren't dumb and can clearly add things up in their head. The fact that I'm a SAHM, the fact have 4 kids, well-dressed, location of house etc etc.

Lots of people like you - perhaps most - are loaded down with debt. They are one job loss away from serious trouble.

A high net worth is different.

+1. My first thought would be "you are loaded down with debt."

+3

I don't understand this. You can't pay for a lot of things with debt.

What can't you pay for?

DP here. I think that poster means eventually your debt ratio would get too high and companies would stop issuing credit. Eventually you would need to pay down the debt to keep spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not flashy but people aren't dumb and can clearly add things up in their head. The fact that I'm a SAHM, the fact have 4 kids, well-dressed, location of house etc etc.

Lots of people like you - perhaps most - are loaded down with debt. They are one job loss away from serious trouble.

A high net worth is different.

Totally. I don't every assume SAHMs are wealthy unless there is a ton of OTT factors at play

Really? Huh. Interesting. I am the opposite, I usually assume their husbands must make a lot of $$$$$ Most of the SAHMs I know have cleaning ladies, part time or even full time nannies, houses in "good" school districts, expensive cars (50k + SUVs), pricey gym memberships and exercise classes (pure barre etc.) and kids are in private preschool and extracurriculars.

I'm a SAHM with all of those things (oh wait, no nanny because I didn't want one). I've literally never, ever seen someone else with nice things and assumed they are in debt. I have a ton of SAHM friends and in our early 40's most families are buying second or third homes (vacation homes) and there is no doubt- they have the money.

[Anonymous]

I used to with friends who I know have much lower household incomes. Honestly, I don't care anymore. I don't brag , but if we take a nice vacation and they ask me, Im giving all the details. We work hard and made certain sacrfices a long time ago. Im not hiding anything anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not flashy but people aren't dumb and can clearly add things up in their head. The fact that I'm a SAHM, the fact have 4 kids, well-dressed, location of house etc etc.

Lots of people like you - perhaps most - are loaded down with debt. They are one job loss away from serious trouble.

A high net worth is different.

Totally. I don't every assume SAHMs are wealthy unless there is a ton of OTT factors at play

Really? Huh. Interesting. I am the opposite, I usually assume their husbands must make a lot of $$$$$ Most of the SAHMs I know have cleaning ladies, part time or even full time nannies, houses in "good" school districts, expensive cars (50k + SUVs), pricey gym memberships and exercise classes (pure barre etc.) and kids are in private preschool and extracurriculars.

I'm a SAHM with all of those things (oh wait, no nanny because I didn't want one). I've literally never, ever seen someone else with nice things and assumed they are in debt. I have a ton of SAHM friends and in our early 40's most families are buying second or third homes (vacation homes) and there is no doubt- they have the money.

How's life in you very small bubble of wealth and privilege?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Obvious example is when our cars are pictured in the background of photos, I don't post them to FB. it feels too much like bragging. I would also never post photos that include my luxury brand Gand bags, unlike some try hards I know.

Really? What kind of cars do you have that would make people think you are bragging???

H has an Audi s6 and a Porsche Baxter S and I have a Lexus GX.

Audi S6 is a good low-key car. It looks like just a regular A6 except to a person who really knows cars. Compare that to a Ferrari.

[Anonymous]

Guy here and I downplay it among my friends, who range widely in wealth levels. No one brags about it, though people can guess if you own fancy sports cars (something guys tend to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not flashy but people aren't dumb and can clearly add things up in their head. The fact that I'm a SAHM, the fact have 4 kids, well-dressed, location of house etc etc.

Lots of people like you - perhaps most - are loaded down with debt. They are one job loss away from serious trouble.

A high net worth is different.

Totally. I don't every assume SAHMs are wealthy unless there is a ton of OTT factors at play

Really? Huh. Interesting. I am the opposite, I usually assume their husbands must make a lot of $$$$$ Most of the SAHMs I know have cleaning ladies, part time or even full time nannies, houses in "good" school districts, expensive cars (50k + SUVs), pricey gym memberships and exercise classes (pure barre etc.) and kids are in private preschool and extracurriculars.

I'm a SAHM with all of those things (oh wait, no nanny because I didn't want one). I've literally never, ever seen someone else with nice things and assumed they are in debt. I have a ton of SAHM friends and in our early 40's most families are buying second or third homes (vacation homes) and there is no doubt- they have the money.

I'm a PP. This is exactly why we bought a house way below our means. We would have been miserable with neighbors like this. Chit chatting at PTA events or block parties about the merits of this or that vacation home or having a nanny as a SAHM would have done me in for sure. Maybe it's because we grew up middle class but its just not us at all and I didn't want my children surrounded by that.

[Anonymous]

We bought below our means as well, but that still puts us in an UMC area. Neighbors with cleaning people and expensive gyms don't bother me, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not flashy but people aren't dumb and can clearly add things up in their head. The fact that I'm a SAHM, the fact have 4 kids, well-dressed, location of house etc etc.

Lots of people like you - perhaps most - are loaded down with debt. They are one job loss away from serious trouble.

A high net worth is different.

Totally. I don't every assume SAHMs are wealthy unless there is a ton of OTT factors at play

Really? Huh. Interesting. I am the opposite, I usually assume their husbands must make a lot of $$$$$ Most of the SAHMs I know have cleaning ladies, part time or even full time nannies, houses in "good" school districts, expensive cars (50k + SUVs), pricey gym memberships and exercise classes (pure barre etc.) and kids are in private preschool and extracurriculars.

I'm a SAHM with all of those things (oh wait, no nanny because I didn't want one). I've literally never, ever seen someone else with nice things and assumed they are in debt. I have a ton of SAHM friends and in our early 40's most families are buying second or third homes (vacation homes) and there is no doubt- they have the money.

How's life in you very small bubble of wealth and privilege?

I guess it's good enough that I don't have to look at others through my envy bubble and assume they are all in debt.

Hey- if you have a lot of money and live a very austere life I think that that's great! If you are like most people, though, you'd buy a home that fits your family nicely. You'd live in a good school district or be able to afford private. You would probably take some nice vacations. None of that is so awful, if you can afford it. You'd also probably do what we do, which is to donate between 10 and 15% of your earnings to those less fortunate. None of that makes anyone a villain, to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a PP. This is exactly why we bought a house way below our means. We would have been miserable with neighbors like this. Chit chatting at PTA events or block parties about the merits of this or that vacation home or having a nanny as a SAHM would have done me in for sure. Maybe it's because we grew up middle class but its just not us at all and I didn't want my children surrounded by that.

We've never had this issue in Bethesda, in our neighborhood that's a mix of teardowns and 1950's houses. The way I know someone is like that is if they are first-time visitors to our house (think parents coming for a toddler birthday party) and they ask what either of us does for a living, and it's really rare. Then you can tell they're trying to figure out the money thing.

To a non-construction person, our house may look cheaper than it is -- we have really high-end finishes but most people won't notice the differences in types of lighting, plumbing fixtures, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I've had the same cleaning lady for 20 years and pay more than the going rate partly because I know she's not nosy. She could easily find our net worth by going through papers on my desk. I disdain those who are driving the latest fashion cars (range rovers in my neighborhood), flash big diamonds and otherwise show off. So gauche.

But disdaining people for spending their money differently from you isn't gauche?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I've had the same cleaning lady for 20 years and pay more than the going rate partly because I know she's not nosy. She could easily find our net worth by going through papers on my desk. I disdain those who are driving the latest fashion cars (range rovers in my neighborhood), flash big diamonds and otherwise show off. So gauche.

But disdaining people for spending their money differently from you isn't gauche?

We drive old cars!

[Anonymous]

It's so hard though!

The Cadillac hood ornament just looks out of place on the Rolls.

But really, we ARE humble! Just ask any of our servants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

Same exact situation here.