Having children say "yes sir" or "yes mam"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personally, I think that's a misconception. No adult has ever told my kids to just call them Mary when they use Miss Mary. That's a bizarro scenario I have only ever seen on DCUM. In any case you're purposely misconstruing what I said to suggest I do this to irritate adults which you know is not true.

Here is an actual real-life scenario I have encountered many times in real actual life:

Me to kid: This is Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname. (Or: This is Mr/Misss Firstname.)
Person to kid: You can call me Firstname. (Or: Please call me Firstname.) (Or: Hi, I'm Firstname.)

So then your kids are supposed to...?

I'd laugh and say, well, if you don't mind, we really prefer they use Mr. when addressing adults.

Ah. In other words, I (or my kids) will call you what I want to call you, not what you want me to call you, because my preferences take priority over yours. That's fine, I guess, but what it isn't, is polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personally, I think that's a misconception. No adult has ever told my kids to just call them Mary when they use Miss Mary. That's a bizarro scenario I have only ever seen on DCUM. In any case you're purposely misconstruing what I said to suggest I do this to irritate adults which you know is not true.

Here is an actual real-life scenario I have encountered many times in real actual life:

Me to kid: This is Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname. (Or: This is Mr/Misss Firstname.)
Person to kid: You can call me Firstname. (Or: Please call me Firstname.) (Or: Hi, I'm Firstname.)

So then your kids are supposed to...?

I'd laugh and say, well, if you don't mind, we really prefer they use Mr. when addressing adults.

Ah. In other words, I (or my kids) will call you what I want to call you, not what you want me to call you, because my preferences take priority over yours. That's fine, I guess, but what it isn't, is polite.

Well I equally believe it's not polite to hear kids addressing adults as peers. So I will raise mine my way and if you think it's rude, that's fine, because I think yours sound rude as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well I equally believe it's not polite to hear kids addressing adults as peers. So I will raise mine my way and if you think it's rude, that's fine, because I think yours sound rude as well.

It's not polite to hear things? If Adult A wants my kid to call her by her first name, and my kid then does call her by her first name, and you hear it, then Adult A and my kid are being rude because you don't want to hear that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well I equally believe it's not polite to hear kids addressing adults as peers. So I will raise mine my way and if you think it's rude, that's fine, because I think yours sound rude as well.

It's not polite to hear things? If Adult A wants my kid to call her by her first name, and my kid then does call her by her first name, and you hear it, then Adult A and my kid are being rude because you don't want to hear that?

It's crass. If the other person just insists, whatever, but I was raised with manners and it's never going to sound okay to me to hear some child walk up and address their elder as Jim. If Jim doesn't care and you don't care, have at it, but your kids sound like they were raised without respect or manners. Clearly you don't care about that though so I'm not sure why it bothers you someone would think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well I equally believe it's not polite to hear kids addressing adults as peers. So I will raise mine my way and if you think it's rude, that's fine, because I think yours sound rude as well.

It's not polite to hear things? If Adult A wants my kid to call her by her first name, and my kid then does call her by her first name, and you hear it, then Adult A and my kid are being rude because you don't want to hear that?

It's crass. If the other person just insists, whatever, but I was raised with manners and it's never going to sound okay to me to hear some child walk up and address their elder as Jim. If Jim doesn't care and you don't care, have at it, but your kids sound like they were raised without respect or manners. Clearly you don't care about that though so I'm not sure why it bothers you someone would think that.

+1
I agree, it doesn't sound right. People can like what they like, but the other PP cannot police people's impressions of her or her family. And some of those impressions will be negative.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the South, and we just moved back here from DC. I went to college in California, so have been away from the south for 25 years. My husband grew up in New York, so never did the "ma'am/sir" thing.

We know enough people who find it strange that I am not teaching it to my children (though they are copying it from others, and that's fine). It was a relief to move somewhere where we could put Ms. or Mr. in front of any adult's first name and know that it was a polite way to address them. So much easier than the first-name thing, which I do think is rude for anyone except close friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well I equally believe it's not polite to hear kids addressing adults as peers. So I will raise mine my way and if you think it's rude, that's fine, because I think yours sound rude as well.

It's not polite to hear things? If Adult A wants my kid to call her by her first name, and my kid then does call her by her first name, and you hear it, then Adult A and my kid are being rude because you don't want to hear that?

It's crass. If the other person just insists, whatever, but I was raised with manners and it's never going to sound okay to me to hear some child walk up and address their elder as Jim. If Jim doesn't care and you don't care, have at it, but your kids sound like they were raised without respect or manners. Clearly you don't care about that though so I'm not sure why it bothers you someone would think that.

+1
I agree, it doesn't sound right. People can like what they like, but the other PP cannot police people's impressions of her or her family. And some of those impressions will be negative.

Nobody is talking about policing people's impressions. On the other hand, some people are saying that their manners are correct manners and manners different from theirs are incorrect manners.

I will teach my kids that it's polite (and considerate) to call people what the people ask my kids to call them. If you hear that and conclude that my kids were raised without respect or manners, there's not much I can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personally, I think that's a misconception. No adult has ever told my kids to just call them Mary when they use Miss Mary. That's a bizarro scenario I have only ever seen on DCUM. In any case you're purposely misconstruing what I said to suggest I do this to irritate adults which you know is not true.

Here is an actual real-life scenario I have encountered many times in real actual life:

Me to kid: This is Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname. (Or: This is Mr/Misss Firstname.)
Person to kid: You can call me Firstname. (Or: Please call me Firstname.) (Or: Hi, I'm Firstname.)

So then your kids are supposed to...?

I'd laugh and say, well, if you don't mind, we really prefer they use Mr. when addressing adults.

And then the adult laughs and says, well, actually, I really hate Mrs. Lastname. I strongly prefer Firstname or Ms. Firstname.

And then you....(see how weird it is to insist on something different than what people want?) I understand your default being Mr./Mrs. but it is just plain rude to ignore an actual request. I am NP, btw.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Personally, I think that's a misconception. No adult has ever told my kids to just call them Mary when they use Miss Mary. That's a bizarro scenario I have only ever seen on DCUM. In any case you're purposely misconstruing what I said to suggest I do this to irritate adults which you know is not true.

Here is an actual real-life scenario I have encountered many times in real actual life:

Me to kid: This is Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname. (Or: This is Mr/Misss Firstname.)
Person to kid: You can call me Firstname. (Or: Please call me Firstname.) (Or: Hi, I'm Firstname.)

So then your kids are supposed to...?

My kids are supposed to call them by their first name, if that's what the person requested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well I equally believe it's not polite to hear kids addressing adults as peers. So I will raise mine my way and if you think it's rude, that's fine, because I think yours sound rude as well.

It's not polite to hear things? If Adult A wants my kid to call her by her first name, and my kid then does call her by her first name, and you hear it, then Adult A and my kid are being rude because you don't want to hear that?

It's crass. If the other person just insists, whatever, but I was raised with manners and it's never going to sound okay to me to hear some child walk up and address their elder as Jim. If Jim doesn't care and you don't care, have at it, but your kids sound like they were raised without respect or manners. Clearly you don't care about that though so I'm not sure why it bothers you someone would think that.

+1
I agree, it doesn't sound right. People can like what they like, but the other PP cannot police people's impressions of her or her family. And some of those impressions will be negative.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it's funny that, evidently, if a child disregards an adult's wishes to be called Firstname, and insists on calling the adult Mr. Lastname, then this is somehow an example of the child showing respect for the adult and adult authority.

No they show respect for adults but respect for MY authority. Otherwise you set your kids up to be victims of predators who target them as being easily manipulated and thinking they have to follow and listen to what every single adult says.

Your kid: Hi, Ms. Jones.
Adult: Please call me Martha.
Your kid: No, Mrs. Jones, I'm not allowed to. If I call you what you want to be called, that makes me more of a target for predators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

?????????

LOL exactly.

[Anonymous]

Black woman here, who grew up in DC. Definitely say sir/ma'am. Still say it to my Mom (and other adults) and my children say it to me, my DH and other adults.

They also address adults as Mr/Mrs FirstName. Seniors are Mr/Mrs LastName.

I also cringe at children responding to parents with What/Huh? The only acceptable response Ma'am?/Sir?/Yes?