Having children say "yes sir" or "yes mam"

[Anonymous]

Husband grew up very old fashioned. He is African American. I grew up in a very laid back household. I am white. Husband wants children to say, "yes sir" and "yes mam." I find it very odd and weird because it's very slave like lingo to me. As if you are saying "yes sir, master." Your take?

[Anonymous]

Many Southerners also use sir and ma'am. Is he from the South?

[Anonymous]

My take is that it's very much a cultural thing- generally southern. Though we don't do it in my house, I have no issues with it.

[Anonymous]

It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

[Anonymous]

it's not "slave-like," it's Southern, and it's used to show respect. i also grew up in a laid back household and we don't use "sir" and "ma'am" though my husband's family is Southern. i wouldn't have agreed to it either, if my husband had wanted to, but it seems generally to be a hallmark of a more authoritarian parenting style that's not really for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

?????????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Agree totally on the race aspect. I'm black and I never grew up to say yes mam/sir to my parents but respect was still a very big part of my childhood. For example I was always taught to call any adult "miss" or "mister"'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's not "slave-like," it's Southern, and it's used to show respect. i also grew up in a laid back household and we don't use "sir" and "ma'am" though my husband's family is Southern. i wouldn't have agreed to it either, if my husband had wanted to, but it seems generally to be a hallmark of a more authoritarian parenting style that's not really for us.

I agree that is more Southern and can be more of an indication of an authoritarian style of parenting. It is also an indication of manners and respect and doesn't necessarily indicate an authoritarian household. It's not "slave-like" behavior, OP.

[Anonymous]

My white cousins grew up in Texas and were raised by their Oklahoman father to do this. It's not good or bad, just different (to me). To whom is the issue more important? If it's a really big deal to your husband and just a little strange to you, I'd go ahead and let him teach/enforce it. My husband is from a culture where a particular greeting is very respectful to adults from children but it was extremely bizarre to me at first. My kids have learned to do the greeting thing to my husband and other adults from that culture but don't do it with me or anyone else. Kids are pretty smart and will figure it all out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband grew up very old fashioned. He is African American. I grew up in a very laid back household. I am white. Husband wants children to say, "yes sir" and "yes mam." I find it very odd and weird because it's very slave like lingo to me. As if you are saying "yes sir, master." Your take?

Do you live in the US? If so, in which part of the US?

Also, do you (you and he) currently have a child or children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband grew up very old fashioned. He is African American. I grew up in a very laid back household. I am white. Husband wants children to say, "yes sir" and "yes mam." I find it very odd and weird because it's very slave like lingo to me. As if you are saying "yes sir, master." Your take?

Geeze, if teaching children to be polite and respectful is 'slave like lingo, we're really hitting bottom.

[Anonymous]

I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband grew up very old fashioned. He is African American. I grew up in a very laid back household. I am white. Husband wants children to say, "yes sir" and "yes mam." I find it very odd and weird because it's very slave like lingo to me. As if you are saying "yes sir, master." Your take?

Geeze, if teaching children to be polite and respectful is 'slave like lingo, we're really hitting bottom.

OP here. Sorry, just my take on it because I never heard children say this in real life. We are both born and raised in dc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

But they aren't all equal. Kids are not equal to parents. Parents are the adults and the authority figures.

[Anonymous]

Weird and creepy.