Having children say "yes sir" or "yes mam"

[Anonymous]

As a compromise you can teach them to say it to certain people like dads relatives. I don't hear kids do it much here so I would teach not necessarily to do it with a teacher unless maybe they are in trouble.

[Anonymous]

i like it, but i grew up hearing it. that said, i'm not teaching it to my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

You see no value in wisdom, maturity, and experience? You see no value in using words of respect towards certain people, including having children calling their teachers Mr. or Ms., or Miss, and prefer that they just use first (or last) names only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

But they aren't all equal. Kids are not equal to parents. Parents are the adults and the authority figures.

To me all humans are equal.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP. Your bit about the slave lingo is shocking. Would you say that to your ILs' face? Don't you know that many people, often from the South, are taught to say this? My mother was taught to curtsy and baise-main (air kiss over the hand).

If it's not your style, just say so. No need to drag slaves into it. Maybe you could reach a compromise where your children say it to older adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like it because I think all humans are equal, regardless of age. All people are deserving of courtesy, again, regardless of age. And using honorifics for only certain people in a social setting sets the tone that we are not all equals. You can be courteous and caring without titles. But would I fall on this sword in an argument with my husand? Probably not. I'd discuss my beliefs about it with the kids as they got older. At some point, They will decide how they want to address others anyway.

You see no value in wisdom, maturity, and experience? You see no value in using words of respect towards certain people, including having children calling their teachers Mr. or Ms., or Miss, and prefer that they just use first (or last) names only?

All humans have inherent dignity and worth. No need to stratify them socially by something as arbitrary as age.

You can be courteous to someone without calling them sir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

Another inner eyeroll. I grew up in the South, and it's respectful, that's all, not oppressive.

[Anonymous]

You can never go wrong teaching your kids to err on the side of being more polite and formal than less so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

Another inner eyeroll. I grew up in the South, and it's respectful, that's all, not oppressive.

Serious question. Did white kids say it to black adults? Especially in the 60s and 70s? What about now?

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a southern thing. My family in NC teach their children this as well. (We're white)

[Anonymous]

I think it's good manner, rather than calling adult by the first name, which is very rude and shocking for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's certainly not just a "slave thing." Plenty of parents do this, but it's more concentrated in the South.

I'd let him take the lead on this, because with biracial (black) kids, he knows better than you how to raise them to be respectful in society.

Massive inner eyeroll. In moments like this I pray comments like this are from trolls. I don't even know what this means.- Black blood is innately more respectful? Black blood only learns from black blood? Craziness.

I'm a northerner and I agree it's a little 'perpetuating oppression' for me to address parents in this way (slave master, etc).

It's fine for addressing others but in a family unit, we have no need for our multiracial kids to call us sir or ma'am.

Another inner eyeroll. I grew up in the South, and it's respectful, that's all, not oppressive.

Serious question. Did white kids say it to black adults? Especially in the 60s and 70s? What about now?

Now, do white kids say it to white and black adults? To teachers or parents? Yes, but probably not to random strangers. In the 60s and 70s, I wasn't alive then so I couldn't tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's not "slave-like," it's Southern, and it's used to show respect. i also grew up in a laid back household and we don't use "sir" and "ma'am" though my husband's family is Southern. i wouldn't have agreed to it either, if my husband had wanted to, but it seems generally to be a hallmark of a more authoritarian parenting style that's not really for us.

I agree that is more Southern and can be more of an indication of an authoritarian style of parenting. It is also an indication of manners and respect and doesn't necessarily indicate an authoritarian household. It's not "slave-like" behavior, OP.

+1. My white in-laws live in the south and my niece has been raised to say "sir" and "ma'am" and definitely doesn't live in an authoritarian household.

[Anonymous]

Very Southern. I grew up with manners drilled into me, but this wasn't one of them. Our kid doesn't say it, because neither of us grew up saying it.