When a friend or family member is making a huge parenting mistake...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry psychologist, but your reasoning is based on bad science. You were dead wrong on every level and there is no way you will be able to change your sibling's opinion on an otherwise good decision. Even if you had rationally sat down with them instead of blowing up and showed a pile of graphs explaining the ridiculous assertion that 23 months is the all-time worst age to start daycare and will cause a lifetime of woe, the child would go to daycare because you're full it and you act like it.

You are wrong, PP. Just do a little research. It is not bad science when it is a widely accepted analysis. Just ask your daycare provider if you do not believe me or PP.

I have had my opinions changed by my siblings many times and my BIL is totally "full of it" and "acts like it" (to copy your 7th grade vernacular) but he still has expert opinions that I do take into account.

I am from a very close family and we always tell the truth. It is just how the siblings were raised and I would never want it any other way. I do not fear hearing a dissenting opinion. I am sad that you do fear just hearing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to thank psychologist PP. OP dropped the ball on us by never telling us her burning parenting issue but you stepped into the breach and gave us something to argue about. You are my DCUM Hero of The Day.

I agree! And the beauty of the psychologist PP is that her issue is exactly what we suspect of the OP. It is something that isn't really a huge parenting mistake and squarely within the parents right to make as they see fit.

[Anonymous]

This thread is quintessential DCUM on so many levels!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to thank psychologist PP. OP dropped the ball on us by never telling us her burning parenting issue but you stepped into the breach and gave us something to argue about. You are my DCUM Hero of The Day.

I agree! And the beauty of the psychologist PP is that her issue is exactly what we suspect of the OP. It is something that isn't really a huge parenting mistake and squarely within the parents right to make as they see fit.

No one ever debated the parents right to do as they see fit! We are simply asking about another person's right to give an opinion!!!

Seriously, Little Flowers, can you not hear another opinion without losing your standing as Mom-in-Chief?! THe other person is simply TALKING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


You are wrong, PP. Just do a little research. It is not bad science when it is a widely accepted analysis.

I just googled and found widely different opinions, most of which were based on anecdotes. I'd love an actual citation of a study supporting this position. Not that day care is bad, but that starting day care at this particular age is bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to thank psychologist PP. OP dropped the ball on us by never telling us her burning parenting issue but you stepped into the breach and gave us something to argue about. You are my DCUM Hero of The Day.

That's true.

OP, please come back and tell us what your "huge parenting mistake" issue is! We must know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You are wrong, PP. Just do a little research. It is not bad science when it is a widely accepted analysis.

I just googled and found widely different opinions, most of which were based on anecdotes. I'd love an actual citation of a study supporting this position. Not that day care is bad, but that starting day care at this particular age is bad.

As far as I can tell, no study exists that would help someone determine the correct or incorrect age range to introduce a child to a daycare environment. I think the psychologist doesn't understand that anecdotes are not research.

[Anonymous]

yep, I googled "starting daycare at 18 months", and 9 of the 10 results showed support and good experiences starting at 18 months.

My guess is "psychologist" is actually a nanny who is sick of having her charges move to a daycare.

[Anonymous]

I am starting to suspect some sock-puppeting on this thread, possibly from the "psychologist" because I find it hard to believe that many people on DCUM would take her position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No one ever debated the parents right to do as they see fit! We are simply asking about another person's right to give an opinion!!!

Seriously, Little Flowers, can you not hear another opinion without losing your standing as Mom-in-Chief?! THe other person is simply TALKING.

Why? Anybody has a right to give any opinion! It might be a stupid, counterproductive, tactless, or hurtful thing to do, but you have the right to do it, if you want to do it.

[Anonymous]

PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/316214.page

Is this the same poster? If so, lots of people in the nanny forum have given her a lot of advice.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was a very standard parenting practice to have a child stay home for the first two years and then move to a daycare/preschool environment to develop social and language skills. I did that and I'm pretty sure my (now school-aged) children are not psycopaths because of it.

I'm a little confused about the phrase "toughen up" because I don't think it means the kid is going to learn how to fist-fight or use a switch blade or anything. I doubt that's what his parents meant. They likely just wanted him to learn how to play with others. How can that be a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to thank psychologist PP. OP dropped the ball on us by never telling us her burning parenting issue but you stepped into the breach and gave us something to argue about. You are my DCUM Hero of The Day.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here and no. My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old. He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds. This is a smart kid. He is also small for his age. My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up". I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation. I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.


I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me. Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly. And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/316214.page

Is this the same poster? If so, lots of people in the nanny forum have given her a lot of advice.

Very interesting! My guess is that so many kids go off to daycare around that age that this is simply not an unusual situation. I don't frequent the nanny boards but I bet there's more than one thread on this subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You are wrong, PP. Just do a little research. It is not bad science when it is a widely accepted analysis.

I just googled and found widely different opinions, most of which were based on anecdotes. I'd love an actual citation of a study supporting this position. Not that day care is bad, but that starting day care at this particular age is bad.

here you go pp. this was literally the first hit on google. page 863, "socioemotional variables."

http://cckm.ca/ChildCare/pdf/Andersson1989.pdf