A thread for ugly women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you calling yourself ugly - what exactly do you think makes you that way?

I have a large nose, thin lips/small mouth, my eyes are two different shapes, and no matter my weight (which is actually well within the range of BMI normal) I always have a double chin. With my glasses I'm a dead ringer for Amy Farrah Fowler from the Big Bang Theory. I'm just not attractive and it's a fact. But as others have already stated, it doesn't matter and it doesn't particularly bother me.

Not so sure, here. I know someone with a mouth that rides up one side of her face, and her eyes are two different shapes (as if one doesn't work), and she thinks she is the hottest thing since sliced bread. Someone sorely misinformed her.

I know plenty of people who think they are FAR, FAR hotter than they are, just because they have blonde hair, or whatever. I don't think what used to be pretty is still considered as pretty, in the global world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason we ugly girls fight the "you're just a different kind of pretty" is twofold.

1) While beauty is subjective to a certain extent, there is 100% an agreed-upon objective list of physical attricbutes required to be a conventionally-attractive women in the US in 2015. That is a fact. It is also a fact that those who adhere to these conventional standards of beauty recieve preferential treatment. When you tell me that I would be attractive if I only put wnough effort in, you are telling me that all the looks-based discrimination I have dealt with was my fault because I didn't work hard enough on my appearance. That is sexist bullshit. I should not have to spend a lot of time and money on my appearance in order to be treated like a person.

2) When I say that I am not pretty, I am not telling you that I have no worth as a person, only that I do not possess a specific attribute and that I lack the priviledge that accompanies that specific attribute, and an attribute that SHOULD carry almost no weight over my overall worth, given how subject and liable to change that attribute is. When you insist that I AM pretty and that stating that I am ugly implies that I have low-self-worth, you are perpetuating a belief that my worth is IN ANY WAY related to my physical appearance. It is not and should not be related. Do not try to impose you belief that I cannot have high-self-worth AND be ugly.

Give me a break!

1) No one is denying there is looks discrimination. I'm an AA woman, so I get it 2-fold.
That's like me saying that because I'm black and there are a number of people who agree that black people are inferior, I need to buy into that bullshit and say I agree that I am inferior, but hey I have some other good qualities. You can miss me with that b.s.

2) I don't think anyone is saying that is your fault that you are not pretty. Folks are saying that sometimes there are things you can do to make yourself feel better about your looks. Cause if you did not have "ANY" feelings about how you look, you would not have even put enough effort into categorizing yourself as "ugly"

3) Exactly who is telling you that feeling good about ALL of who you are, including how you look, is anyway minimizing any other qualities you may possess? I am not defined by my looks, my smarts, or any other singular quality. I am the sum of my parts and[b] I damn sure want to feel good about most of them, and the ones that need work to feel better about, I hope I am willing to put in the work.[/b]

4) It's almost as if a number of the posters have become so invested in their identity as "ugly", that they cannot bear for someone to challenge it. As if, they have made that a central part of their identity and don't want to dare to see themselves any different in that particular category.

There it is again... the overwhelming imperative that if a woman isn't pretty, she should "work on it" until she is pretty and that's it not enough to be satisfied with your other good qualities.

It's crazy that our society demands that women pursue "pretty" when it doesn't demand that women pursue smart or kind or power or athleticism or any other damn thing. The most important thing is that women are pretty and if they aren't, that they make themselves pretty.

Can you read???????
I said parts I don't feel good about -- read it again and try again!!
GEeezzz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's crazy that our society demands that women pursue "pretty" when it doesn't demand that women pursue smart or kind or power or athleticism or any other damn thing. The most important thing is that women are pretty and if they aren't, that they make themselves pretty.

It's not society; it's biology. Females generally feel the need to attract a male, procreate, and keep the male around at least for a few years to ensure the survival of their progeny. Biology also dictates that females naturally outnumber males and have to compete for them. Society comes into play when humans artificially change the demografics. With the deficit of females in China, many of them couldn't care less about looks. The ugliest babes will have a line of potential husbands to pick from

It's all about sex really. Not much societal about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason we ugly girls fight the "you're just a different kind of pretty" is twofold.

1) While beauty is subjective to a certain extent, there is 100% an agreed-upon objective list of physical attricbutes required to be a conventionally-attractive women in the US in 2015. That is a fact. It is also a fact that those who adhere to these conventional standards of beauty recieve preferential treatment. When you tell me that I would be attractive if I only put wnough effort in, you are telling me that all the looks-based discrimination I have dealt with was my fault because I didn't work hard enough on my appearance. That is sexist bullshit. I should not have to spend a lot of time and money on my appearance in order to be treated like a person.

2) When I say that I am not pretty, I am not telling you that I have no worth as a person, only that I do not possess a specific attribute and that I lack the priviledge that accompanies that specific attribute, and an attribute that SHOULD carry almost no weight over my overall worth, given how subject and liable to change that attribute is. When you insist that I AM pretty and that stating that I am ugly implies that I have low-self-worth, you are perpetuating a belief that my worth is IN ANY WAY related to my physical appearance. It is not and should not be related. Do not try to impose you belief that I cannot have high-self-worth AND be ugly.

Give me a break!

1) No one is denying there is looks discrimination. I'm an AA woman, so I get it 2-fold.
That's like me saying that because I'm black and there are a number of people who agree that black people are inferior, I need to buy into that bullshit and say I agree that I am inferior, but hey I have some other good qualities. You can miss me with that b.s.

2) I don't think anyone is saying that is your fault that you are not pretty. Folks are saying that sometimes there are things you can do to make yourself feel better about your looks. Cause if you did not have "ANY" feelings about how you look, you would not have even put enough effort into categorizing yourself as "ugly"

3) Exactly who is telling you that feeling good about ALL of who you are, including how you look, is anyway minimizing any other qualities you may possess? I am not defined by my looks, my smarts, or any other singular quality. I am the sum of my parts and I damn sure want to feel good about most of them, and the ones that need work to feel better about, I hope I am willing to put in the work.

4) It's almost as if a number of the posters have become so invested in their identity as "ugly", that they cannot bear for someone to challenge it. As if, they have made that a central part of their identity and don't want to dare to see themselves any different in that particular category.

There it is again... the overwhelming imperative that if a woman isn't pretty, she should "work on it" until she is pretty and that's it not enough to be satisfied with your other good qualities.

It's crazy that our society demands that women pursue "pretty" when it doesn't demand that women pursue smart or kind or power or athleticism or any other damn thing. The most important thing is that women are pretty and if they aren't, that they make themselves pretty.

You missed every damn point I was making -- so you are bound and determined to make me mean that I am saying that you should try to look like Halle Berry.
You missed everything I said about being smart and funny, etc. and feeling good about all of who I am. You missed the entire analogy about discrimination...
There is no damn where that I said that you should "pursue" pretty. Everything I said was about having a positive perception about your looks and all the parts of you.
For the record, NO , I am not Halle Berry or Brooklyn Decker, but I damn sure am not going to feel ugly or label myself as such, especially since so many seem to think that gives them some moral superiority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am ugly, too tall and too heavy. I married at age 35 to the only man who ever asked me out and who is even uglier than I am. We have had a great life, and I can almost read people's minds when they see us together: thank God they found each other.

You say you have a great life, but do you wish you had a more attractive husband? Did you just settle because you didn't want to be alone? Would you pick him now if you had your pick of men? Just wondering. I have a few friends who have had a rough time in the looks and attracting men categories, but I didn't have that problem, so I would feel funny asking them directly. Sure everyone has their own answer, but I just wants to finally ask it!

1. I don't wish I had a more attractive husband.
2. I was alone for 35 years and never felt alone because I had a good job, friends, and large family.
3. I would pick my husband because I know how he is a good husband, lover, father, professionally respected and well liked by friends and neighbors

Those are my answers and om response to your doubting that I have a great life, everything is subjective, but I do.

Good job PP, that's how you deal with assholes. The other PP must be amazed that her beauty isn't as valuable as she thought it was.

Other PP here who asked the questions -- I didn't say I was beautiful. I love my friends and think they are attractive, interesting, cool, etc., but men don't seem to be interested. Two did eventually marry, but neither are particularly happy.

[Anonymous]

Happiness is only obtained when you get to know God.

He made it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason we ugly girls fight the "you're just a different kind of pretty" is twofold.

1) While beauty is subjective to a certain extent, there is 100% an agreed-upon objective list of physical attricbutes required to be a conventionally-attractive women in the US in 2015. That is a fact. It is also a fact that those who adhere to these conventional standards of beauty recieve preferential treatment. When you tell me that I would be attractive if I only put wnough effort in, you are telling me that all the looks-based discrimination I have dealt with was my fault because I didn't work hard enough on my appearance. That is sexist bullshit. I should not have to spend a lot of time and money on my appearance in order to be treated like a person.

2) When I say that I am not pretty, I am not telling you that I have no worth as a person, only that I do not possess a specific attribute and that I lack the priviledge that accompanies that specific attribute, and an attribute that SHOULD carry almost no weight over my overall worth, given how subject and liable to change that attribute is. When you insist that I AM pretty and that stating that I am ugly implies that I have low-self-worth, you are perpetuating a belief that my worth is IN ANY WAY related to my physical appearance. It is not and should not be related. Do not try to impose you belief that I cannot have high-self-worth AND be ugly.

Give me a break!

1) No one is denying there is looks discrimination. I'm an AA woman, so I get it 2-fold.
That's like me saying that because I'm black and there are a number of people who agree that black people are inferior, I need to buy into that bullshit and say I agree that I am inferior, but hey I have some other good qualities. You can miss me with that b.s.

2) I don't think anyone is saying that is your fault that you are not pretty. Folks are saying that sometimes there are things you can do to make yourself feel better about your looks. Cause if you did not have "ANY" feelings about how you look, you would not have even put enough effort into categorizing yourself as "ugly"

3) Exactly who is telling you that feeling good about ALL of who you are, including how you look, is anyway minimizing any other qualities you may possess? I am not defined by my looks, my smarts, or any other singular quality. I am the sum of my parts and I damn sure want to feel good about most of them, and the ones that need work to feel better about, I hope I am willing to put in the work.

4) It's almost as if a number of the posters have become so invested in their identity as "ugly", that they cannot bear for someone to challenge it. As if, they have made that a central part of their identity and don't want to dare to see themselves any different in that particular category.

There it is again... the overwhelming imperative that if a woman isn't pretty, she should "work on it" until she is pretty and that's it not enough to be satisfied with your other good qualities.

It's crazy that our society demands that women pursue "pretty" when it doesn't demand that women pursue smart or kind or power or athleticism or any other damn thing. The most important thing is that women are pretty and if they aren't, that they make themselves pretty.

You missed every damn point I was making -- so you are bound and determined to make me mean that I am saying that you should try to look like Halle Berry.
You missed everything I said about being smart and funny, etc. and feeling good about all of who I am. You missed the entire analogy about discrimination...
There is no damn where that I said that you should "pursue" pretty. Everything I said was about having a positive perception about your looks and all the parts of you.
For the record, NO , I am not Halle Berry or Brooklyn Decker, but I damn sure am not going to feel ugly or label myself as such, especially since so many seem to think that gives them some moral superiority.

No one asked you to feel ugly or label yourself ugly. You, on the other hand, have no problem engaging your moral superiority to tell other people how to feel and act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason we ugly girls fight the "you're just a different kind of pretty" is twofold.

1) While beauty is subjective to a certain extent, there is 100% an agreed-upon objective list of physical attricbutes required to be a conventionally-attractive women in the US in 2015. That is a fact. It is also a fact that those who adhere to these conventional standards of beauty recieve preferential treatment. When you tell me that I would be attractive if I only put wnough effort in, you are telling me that all the looks-based discrimination I have dealt with was my fault because I didn't work hard enough on my appearance. That is sexist bullshit. I should not have to spend a lot of time and money on my appearance in order to be treated like a person.

2) When I say that I am not pretty, I am not telling you that I have no worth as a person, only that I do not possess a specific attribute and that I lack the priviledge that accompanies that specific attribute, and an attribute that SHOULD carry almost no weight over my overall worth, given how subject and liable to change that attribute is. When you insist that I AM pretty and that stating that I am ugly implies that I have low-self-worth, you are perpetuating a belief that my worth is IN ANY WAY related to my physical appearance. It is not and should not be related. Do not try to impose you belief that I cannot have high-self-worth AND be ugly.

Give me a break!

1) No one is denying there is looks discrimination. I'm an AA woman, so I get it 2-fold.
That's like me saying that because I'm black and there are a number of people who agree that black people are inferior, I need to buy into that bullshit and say I agree that I am inferior, but hey I have some other good qualities. You can miss me with that b.s.

2) I don't think anyone is saying that is your fault that you are not pretty. Folks are saying that sometimes there are things you can do to make yourself feel better about your looks. Cause if you did not have "ANY" feelings about how you look, you would not have even put enough effort into categorizing yourself as "ugly"

3) Exactly who is telling you that feeling good about ALL of who you are, including how you look, is anyway minimizing any other qualities you may possess? I am not defined by my looks, my smarts, or any other singular quality. I am the sum of my parts and I damn sure want to feel good about most of them, and the ones that need work to feel better about, I hope I am willing to put in the work.

4) It's almost as if a number of the posters have become so invested in their identity as "ugly", that they cannot bear for someone to challenge it. As if, they have made that a central part of their identity and don't want to dare to see themselves any different in that particular category.

There it is again... the overwhelming imperative that if a woman isn't pretty, she should "work on it" until she is pretty and that's it not enough to be satisfied with your other good qualities.

It's crazy that our society demands that women pursue "pretty" when it doesn't demand that women pursue smart or kind or power or athleticism or any other damn thing. The most important thing is that women are pretty and if they aren't, that they make themselves pretty.

You missed every damn point I was making -- so you are bound and determined to make me mean that I am saying that you should try to look like Halle Berry.
You missed everything I said about being smart and funny, etc. and feeling good about all of who I am. You missed the entire analogy about discrimination...
There is no damn where that I said that you should "pursue" pretty. Everything I said was about having a positive perception about your looks and all the parts of you.
For the record, NO , I am not Halle Berry or Brooklyn Decker, but I damn sure am not going to feel ugly or label myself as such, especially since so many seem to think that gives them some moral superiority.

No one asked you to feel ugly or label yourself ugly. You, on the other hand, have no problem engaging your moral superiority to tell other people how to feel and act.

You know what -- you are right -- it is well within your right to feel ugly. Have at it. I apologize for trying to share a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happiness is only obtained when you get to know God.

He made it that way.

You took a wrong turn; wrong thread.

[Anonymous]

you ugly people are worse than fat folks who embrace and accept their fate.

there are ways to highlight and bring attention to your good parts. no need to accept your ugliness and just let everything go. you can dress better, do you hair, make up or something. to basically accept it is sort of sad and it doesnt matter how much you try to claim you are "happy" despite all that.

some of you are probably not that ugly. the way you carry yourself probably adds to your belief. at the same time, the pretty people feeling themselves in that other thread are probably not all pretty. they just carry themselves a certain way, get a few compliments every once in a while and wrap it up into a warped up view on how attractive they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you ugly people are worse than fat folks who embrace and accept their fate.

there are ways to highlight and bring attention to your good parts. no need to accept your ugliness and just let everything go. you can dress better, do you hair, make up or something. to basically accept it is sort of sad and it doesnt matter how much you try to claim you are "happy" despite all that.

some of you are probably not that ugly. the way you carry yourself probably adds to your belief. at the same time, the pretty people feeling themselves in that other thread are probably not all pretty. they just carry themselves a certain way, get a few compliments every once in a while and wrap it up into a warped up view on how attractive they are.

Thanks for clearing that up! You are so smart! We need more people like you on DCUM to bless us with their wisdom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you ugly people are worse than fat folks who embrace and accept their fate.

there are ways to highlight and bring attention to your good parts. no need to accept your ugliness and just let everything go. you can dress better, do you hair, make up or something. to basically accept it is sort of sad and it doesnt matter how much you try to claim you are "happy" despite all that.

some of you are probably not that ugly. the way you carry yourself probably adds to your belief. at the same time, the pretty people feeling themselves in that other thread are probably not all pretty. they just carry themselves a certain way, get a few compliments every once in a while and wrap it up into a warped up view on how attractive they are.

Thanks for clearing that up! You are so smart! We need more people like you on DCUM to bless us with their wisdom!

you are so very welcome. happy to provide a clear voice to this discussion. i appreciate that feeback

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you ugly people are worse than fat folks who embrace and accept their fate.

there are ways to highlight and bring attention to your good parts. no need to accept your ugliness and just let everything go. you can dress better, do you hair, make up or something. to basically accept it is sort of sad and it doesnt matter how much you try to claim you are "happy" despite all that.

some of you are probably not that ugly. the way you carry yourself probably adds to your belief. at the same time, the pretty people feeling themselves in that other thread are probably not all pretty. they just carry themselves a certain way, get a few compliments every once in a while and wrap it up into a warped up view on how attractive they are.

I don't want to do those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you ugly people are worse than fat folks who embrace and accept their fate.

there are ways to highlight and bring attention to your good parts. no need to accept your ugliness and just let everything go. you can dress better, do you hair, make up or something. to basically accept it is sort of sad and it doesnt matter how much you try to claim you are "happy" despite all that.

some of you are probably not that ugly. the way you carry yourself probably adds to your belief. at the same time, the pretty people feeling themselves in that other thread are probably not all pretty. they just carry themselves a certain way, get a few compliments every once in a while and wrap it up into a warped up view on how attractive they are.

Even when I am dressed my best, I find my looks painfully bad. I had to have a portrait done for my law firm's website. I had my hair done and my make-up done professionally. I wore the most flattering clothes that I could find. The pictures were still awful, because I am awful looking. They are embarrassing to look at. I am ashamed to have my portrait on the website. It doesn't matter how much work I put in, I am not going to be a pretty woman.

Being told to "try harder" is just adding insult to injury. So freaking offensive...

[Anonymous]

I want pictures in this thread