Should a sympathy card include money? If so how much?

[Anonymous]

Workers.. Not was. Need not lid...help nothelll.😬oops from previous post!☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

[Anonymous]

I think the answer depends on the class and subculture. Most black people that I know send money. I am not black, but I include money in sympathy cards that I send to black friends (unless I know their custom is different or unless they are wealthy). Middle class white people? Nope. Poor people of any race or ethnicity? Maybe--it would depend on how I know them. Funerals are expensive, and most poor people have no life insurance and coming up with funeral costs is a huge burden that friends and family can offset.

[Anonymous]

I agree. $25-$50 is what we typically do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure from what purpose you'd be sending the money. I have never heard of including money in a sympathy card.
Does she need the money for funeral expenses?

If not send flowers or fruit to your friend when she gets back.

[Anonymous]

For someone that I'm close to, I would usually take food to the house or have something delivered -- such as a honey baked ham. I might also send flowers. For someone I was slightly less close to I would put cash in the envelope -- $25 to $100 or more, depending upon how well I know the family. If it's someone I don't know well, I would just send a card -- for example, to the family of a former coworker.

I have received books of stamps "in lieu of flowers" from a few people, and I thought this was an extremely thoughtful gift.

[Anonymous]

It seems strange that so many people are saying to send no money. When my Mom and Dad died, every sympathy card had $20-50 in it. (We weren't poor.) It seems like where I live anyway, it's a well established custom.

[Anonymous]

Central Virginia native here. I have never heard of including money in a sympathy card. People who live locally will take food to the family of the person who died, or send flowers/a charitable contribution. But sending money? Never.

When my parents died, we received many sympathy cards; none included money.

[Anonymous]

In recent times I have been sending cash in lieu of flowers because flowers get thrown away and most people could use the extra for expenses. I know when my father passed my mom was truly grateful for cash gifts.

[Anonymous]

When my husband died, people gave me gift cards for restaurant chains. That was 2 years ago and I still have several. The thought was appreciated though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that so many people are saying to send no money. When my Mom and Dad died, every sympathy card had $20-50 in it. (We weren't poor.) It seems like where I live anyway, it's a well established custom.

Same for us and we even named two charities. One of which as for cancer research so not potentially offensive like a religious or political one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been a customary practice in the Catholic Church to give money to the family of the deceased which is in turn given to a priest to pray for the soul of the departed individual (during a Mass) so that sins may be forgiven. If you have never heard of this and therefore think it is gauche, it due to your lack of knowledge regarding religious practices of those not of your faith. True, there would be no reason for you to have heard of it, but on the other hand there is some rush to judgement based on the assumptions of your culture and religion. Would it not be more acceptable to just say the truth as you know it, that you never heard of it? And skip the judgmental part?

I'm a cradle Catholic and never heard of this custom.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard of sending money and it seems bizarre to me (middle class white Protestant with PA roots) so I guess know your audience? I frankly would be sort of offended or at least would think it was tone deaf if I received money in a sympathy card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems strange that so many people are saying to send no money. When my Mom and Dad died, every sympathy card had $20-50 in it. (We weren't poor.) It seems like where I live anyway, it's a well established custom.

Same for us and we even named two charities. One of which as for cancer research so not potentially offensive like a religious or political one.

Naming charities seems different. I understand that as in lieu of flowers not in lieu of cash to the bereaved.

[Anonymous]

I had never heard of sending money in a condolence card until I started reading DCUM.

If the family requests donations to a specific charity, I will often do that. If the family is Jewish, I send food and if not I send food and/or flowers.

[Anonymous]

I lived in NJ for a while (white low-middle class area), and it was customary to include money in the card.