Should a sympathy card include money? If so how much?

[Anonymous]

Send a card.

In a few weeks, simply Venmo or PayPal her some money with a small note, "For groceries or catering or whatever would be helpful to you during this difficult time. I'm thinking of you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been a customary practice in the Catholic Church to give money to the family of the deceased which is in turn given to a priest to pray for the soul of the departed individual (during a Mass) so that sins may be forgiven. If you have never heard of this and therefore think it is gauche, it due to your lack of knowledge regarding religious practices of those not of your faith. True, there would be no reason for you to have heard of it, but on the other hand there is some rush to judgement based on the assumptions of your culture and religion. Would it not be more acceptable to just say the truth as you know it, that you never heard of it? And skip the judgmental part?

Who are you talking to? This thread is several years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has been a customary practice in the Catholic Church to give money to the family of the deceased which is in turn given to a priest to pray for the soul of the departed individual (during a Mass) so that sins may be forgiven. If you have never heard of this and therefore think it is gauche, it due to your lack of knowledge regarding religious practices of those not of your faith. True, there would be no reason for you to have heard of it, but on the other hand there is some rush to judgement based on the assumptions of your culture and religion. Would it not be more acceptable to just say the truth as you know it, that you never heard of it? And skip the judgmental part?

What?

I’m Irish-Italian Catholic. My mother was 100% Orish/Catholic. New England/Connecticut/Boston Catholic on both sides; large family. I have never heard of or received $ in a sympathy card.

Me either, though donating money to the church to have a mass said in the name of the deceased, and sending a "mass card" to the family letting them know this was done was and is still common in our Irish Catholic circle.

[Anonymous]

Yes, money is always appreciated. People saying no have never payed for a funeral. If you did not send flowers or food,
money can be put twards their loved ones favorite charity or to help with the expenses which were more than 10 thousand for my brother and my mother’s funerals. It does not have to be an enormous amount 25-50 dollars is appropriate. You would spend atleast that on flowers if not more and I am sure the family could put it to good use.

[Anonymous]

I get that this is an old thread- but where I work you absolutely include money. Who knows what the money is used for. One year I co-worker had at least half a dozen money cards passed around: aunt, niece, cousin. It was such a scam- but everyone tossed in $20.
Oh, btw I work in DC gov.
I find it odd- but I find many things odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been a customary practice in the Catholic Church to give money to the family of the deceased which is in turn given to a priest to pray for the soul of the departed individual (during a Mass) so that sins may be forgiven. If you have never heard of this and therefore think it is gauche, it due to your lack of knowledge regarding religious practices of those not of your faith. True, there would be no reason for you to have heard of it, but on the other hand there is some rush to judgement based on the assumptions of your culture and religion. Would it not be more acceptable to just say the truth as you know it, that you never heard of it? And skip the judgmental part?

You need to pay someone to pray for the soul of the departed. Ah the Catholics never disappoint. #Classy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've sent friend's gift certificates to salons just to give them their own time away after dealing with the details of the burial.

But I waited.

That would be a nice thing to receive.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes if your friend is responsible financially for funeral expenses. The amount is whatever you can afford or are comfortable giving. If your friend will have no financial burden, then I would say no. When my father passed away, my brother and I paid for all the expenses. We received money in cards and it was much appreciated. It helped with some expenses.

[Anonymous]

I'm black and a relative recently passed. Almost everyone (mainly black) that sent cards to my family (over 200 cards) sent money. I asked why they did it and my mom said it's common. I think it may be an old school thing. Some people even sent a book of stamps. I assume they did that for thank you cards..idk honestly.

[Anonymous]

My dad died when I was in my teens and my brother was 8. Tons of people sent money and it was helpful as my mom began to forge ahead on her own. Similarly, a friend of the family passed away recently leaving behind 4 young children and a wife who had not been working outside of the home. People would send or leave money at their door all the time.

The lesson here is that it isn't tacky but that you should make a judgment call based on the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I'd never heard of it either, until my dad passed this year. Many friends in their community in Florida gave my mom checks. Some family members slipped my mom cash at the sendoff memorial we had for Dad in NY with friends and family (open bar 4 hours, food, 50+ people, etc.) after the funeral, but that seemed more appropriate somehow. My mom was a little uncomfortable with the cash, but frankly, appreciated the cushion until things got settled down.

[Anonymous]

10:11 here again -- we are Catholic, and also got a LOT of mass cards. We had stipulated a charity in lieu of flowers, so many people did that also.

[Anonymous]

If obituary states "in lieu of flowers....." and they request an alternative, one of which could be materials (money) to help defray expenses....then YES IT IS OK TO SEND MONEY! Also, I am Italian, and we always either send food or give money to family members when someone passes...to help them with expenses.

[Anonymous]

No, never heard of including money before.
Donating separately to pay for the funeral, yes. Giving people.gifts because their family member died, no.

[Anonymous]

I have seen friends who needed money to buy proper clothes for their family members funeral. Waiters, salon was workers, laborers,etc. They lid appreciate money for these expenses. Everyone is not ready for these events. Do whatever you feel will helll. God bless you.