No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a no-kid wedding. Ceremony was at 6pm, reception began at 7:30pm, and dinner was at 8:30pm. It was not a child friendly event.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

Wench then you pay for 24 cousins and all their damn kids. Only one bbeing selfish us you dictating how someone else has to spend their money for their special day. If it doesn't work for you, don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

It would be really helpful to cultivate a sitter or two for just this type of thing.

You mean so we can bring her on the trip with us? Wish we had the budget for that, but unfortunately we don't.

Then don't go. Why us if someone sea fault thst can't turn down things that don't fit your life circumstances and finances??
Just say NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does make it more complicated if it is a family OOT wedding and/or one or both spouses have been asked to be attendants.

Every family wedding up until the most recent 2 had been kid-friendly. And honestly, having the kiddos there was ALWAYS the best part. So, it surprised me when 2 of my cousins had weddings in the past few years where kids were not invited.

I don't begrudge them having the wedding they want or can afford or whatever. But there was this whole "oh, why can't you come?" attitude that we got that was a bit upsetting. Let's see, my parents are part of the family, so there goes the weekend sitter we have used in other cases? It doesn't seem like much fun to have to have someone sit in a hotel room babysitting while their spouse is at the party? I'm not going to leave my kid with some random stranger in a town I don't live in just so I can go to a wedding? I might have attended if there had been a kid's room at the event, but there wasn't, so my parents went and we stayed at home. I hate missing big events for members of my extended family, but I didn't have much choice. My two older cousins (brother and sister, both married with kids) did attend, and their dad and mom (my aunt and uncle) stayed back from the reception so that their adult children could attend. Great for them, but I wasn't going to do that to my parents. Again, it is what it is, but don't make me feel guilty for having to decline.

Making you feel guilty or expressing their disappointment? Grow up, when you decide to have kids you know logistics become more complicated. I knew this going in, was this a surprise to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

News Flash: your spouse could have declined being in the wedding. I have done that.
But if you agree to do it, don't expect everything to be catered to you.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do if you are so opposed to the wedding plan -- keep it to yourself. The wedding is not about you and your kids and your child are issues. Just decline and keep your opinions to yourself. Please do not show up at the wedding with your baby or toddler just to let everyone know what the wedding would have been like if YOU had planned it. It's not your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

I repeat. You get to decline.

Again, you should celebrate the marriage and the fact that a new person is coming into your life. Miss the festivities? meh.

[Anonymous]

To me, our wedding was about including our family - our whole family. Anyone we could have past that was the icing, but our families joining together was the most important part.

Some people see it differently. That's fine.

But don't act shocked when you have a child-free wedding and your family and friends with young children choose not to attend. I do make efforts to go to as many weddings as we can attend, but sometimes the logistics are just impossible. Usually, if it is a friend's wedding OOT, we can get my parents to come and watch our kiddo. But, the family weddings OOT that don't include kids will leave SOMEONE back at the hotel, and that just isn't OK with me, as I'm not going to go out of my way to track down a nanny service/pay for the extra expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.


I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.


You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

I agree with you PP. We had an elegant evening party, but kids were there. Some people left early if their kids were babies. My 2.5 and 6 year old nieces had a blast killing the dance floor. I was so in the moment during my wedding that something like a baby crying wouldn't have phased me in the least. The six year old ADORED being in the wedding because she got to be a flower girl for her cool aunt and favorite uncle and still talks about it now. Everyone can have the party they want, and if it's no kids, whatever, but I personally don't get it.

Oh dear. I am sure the bride and groom adored having your kids skidding around the dance floor while you were in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

News Flash: your spouse could have declined being in the wedding. I have done that.
But if you agree to do it, don't expect everything to be catered to you.

I wouldn't risk a friendship just because they made their wedding inconvenient and expensive for over 3/4 of their guests. Nowhere in any of my posts did I express an expectation that they cater to me. Nowhere. Why are people getting so defensive just because some guests are stressed over the logistics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.


I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.


You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

I agree with you PP. We had an elegant evening party, but kids were there. Some people left early if their kids were babies. My 2.5 and 6 year old nieces had a blast killing the dance floor. I was so in the moment during my wedding that something like a baby crying wouldn't have phased me in the least. The six year old ADORED being in the wedding because she got to be a flower girl for her cool aunt and favorite uncle and still talks about it now. Everyone can have the party they want, and if it's no kids, whatever, but I personally don't get it.

Oh dear. I am sure the bride and groom adored having your kids skidding around the dance floor while you were in the moment.

Given that she was the bride, it sounds like it was fine.

Some of you are really crazy.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line to every situation is this. You look and see who was included on the invitation. You do the financial and logistical calculations required to make it work. If you cannot meet those calculations, you decline. If you can, you go to the event with only the people specified on the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

News Flash: your spouse could have declined being in the wedding. I have done that.
But if you agree to do it, don't expect everything to be catered to you.

Right. Because people who don't give a second thought to making things convenient for others really will understand when you say no to being in their wedding.

Some people just don't care about the convenience of their guests. Of course that is their right as hosts. However, it is kind of annoying when they then complain when you can't make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

News Flash: your spouse could have declined being in the wedding. I have done that.
But if you agree to do it, don't expect everything to be catered to you.

I wouldn't risk a friendship just because they made their wedding inconvenient and expensive for over 3/4 of their guests. Nowhere in any of my posts did I express an expectation that they cater to me. Nowhere. Why are people getting so defensive just because some guests are stressed over the logistics?

Because they were the bridezillas who totally inconvenienced their guests and are defensive now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line to every situation is this. You look and see who was included on the invitation. You do the financial and logistical calculations required to make it work. If you cannot meet those calculations, you decline. If you can, you go to the event with only the people specified on the invitation.

Yes. Not to open another can of horror, but we went through the trouble and expense of getting the double envelopes (address outside, specifically who is invited on inside). Everyone got a +1 if they weren't a couple (& guest), so we were generous. I had somebody add her kids to the RSVP.