Not sure I can handle another three years of husband's career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FSO here. You are making me cringe. I hope you are a troll and not a real trailing spouse. Look, Warsaw is great. Your husband is doing the best he can to get jobs that will work for your family. If he didn't get a handshake until - what did you say, third round - then he's not having an easy time. Stop with the all caps and the threats and the demands, and sit down and talk with your husband about how you two can make this worth.

I have been talking to my DH for 17 years, and all the time the "needs of the service" seem to trump my needs. I want to work, have a professional job, use my education. I don't want to be relegated to low paid Embassy jobs like the CLO. I am a professional woman, and I do not want to continually start over again and again. If I can't work, then at least I want to be at a post where I will be comfortable. My DH bid on two Washington jobs, one Germany and Poland as his top. He filled out the rest with basically fill space. He was given Poland, which I already told him ahead of time that I will not go there. He told me today that he took into consideration all of the family's needs, including mine, in putting the list together. I don't feel that way. I feel he could have a bit more backbone and do what his colleagues to who fight and argue for jobs based on what their spouses and kids needs. I know one of his colleague got Paris b/c her kid has "asthma" and another is staying in Washington because his kid has "ADHD." Well, maybe I should get a mental health diagnosis that keeps us here. My mental health issue is tired of the Foreign Service.

No, your mental health diagnosis is that you are self-absorbed person who feels that life needs to be handed to you on a platter. Be grateful for what you have - a lot of people don't get anything close to what you have. When you dismiss Warsaw because you want Paris, there is something wrong with you priorities.

[Anonymous]

I don't love my husband. He doesn't care about me or my daughter. If he did, he would have found a new job long ago. I asked him to do this when I ws in graduate school but he did an unaccompanied tour instead. He left me with a small child. He never listens to us. Instead, he clings to his "important" Foreign Service job and he never gets promoted. I don't get it. He could get any number of jobs with Government contractors in DC for a lot more money.

[Anonymous]

So leave! You aren't an indentured servant. But again, good luck with the single parenting gig. It's not as easy trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't love my husband. He doesn't care about me or my daughter. If he did, he would have found a new job long ago. I asked him to do this when I ws in graduate school but he did an unaccompanied tour instead. He left me with a small child. He never listens to us. Instead, he clings to his "important" Foreign Service job and he never gets promoted. I don't get it. He could get any number of jobs with Government contractors in DC for a lot more money.

You are either a troll or have other issues.

If you are not a troll, I feel sorry for your husband.

[Anonymous]

What per diem are you talking about? The only time I get per diem is when I am on official travel outside my post of assignment.
As for schooling and housing, the government has an obligation to provide secure and safe housing and that schooling that is at minimum equivalent to what we get here in a Fairfax County is available to our children. Payment for housing in language training depends on the length - long or short term training. I guess next we should pay our own language training tuition too? You're just jealous because you think someone is getting something you don't. That is entitlement.

I don't know, PP. I'm a physician and I work my tail off. We're in a decent neighborhood and live below our means, but do fine. In both my current and previous condo buildings, the occupants of the pent houses who send their kids to the 30K/year preschools across the street were FSO.

I get that safe housing and good education should be part of the package. I scratch my head, however, when I see what qualifies as those two things. 30K for preschool, huh? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What per diem are you talking about? The only time I get per diem is when I am on official travel outside my post of assignment.
As for schooling and housing, the government has an obligation to provide secure and safe housing and that schooling that is at minimum equivalent to what we get here in a Fairfax County is available to our children. Payment for housing in language training depends on the length - long or short term training. I guess next we should pay our own language training tuition too? You're just jealous because you think someone is getting something you don't. That is entitlement.

Good public schools in Moscow trump Ffx county schools any day. You don't put your kids into the British-American school in Moscow because you're looking for the Ffx county equivalent, you put them there because you are clinging to your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What per diem are you talking about? The only time I get per diem is when I am on official travel outside my post of assignment.
As for schooling and housing, the government has an obligation to provide secure and safe housing and that schooling that is at minimum equivalent to what we get here in a Fairfax County is available to our children. Payment for housing in language training depends on the length - long or short term training. I guess next we should pay our own language training tuition too? You're just jealous because you think someone is getting something you don't. That is entitlement.

I don't know, PP. I'm a physician and I work my tail off. We're in a decent neighborhood and live below our means, but do fine. In both my current and previous condo buildings, the occupants of the pent houses who send their kids to the 30K/year preschools across the street were FSO.

I get that safe housing and good education should be part of the package. I scratch my head, however, when I see what qualifies as those two things. 30K for preschool, huh? Interesting.

Another FSO wife here, State doesn't pay for preschool - only for kindergarten and up. And the private school where we're posted is well less than 10K/year. And State pays NOTHING for school if we're posted in the US, not a single penny. We're expected, rightly so, to send our kids to public school. If they were paying for preschool, that was their own choice and came out of their pocket.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP. I think some others view FS life through a narrow lens. Let's not forget there are those among us who are SME HQ "desk jockeys" and they certainly do not send kids to Big Three schools. They might live in Fairfax City, struggle with a daily commute, overcrowded schools and a bloated AAP program. They have a mortgage and two car notes to pay. They are not counted among those rare 2T (tandem trusties) Choatie couples sans D.C. area mortgage with drivers, gardeners, guards, cooks, nannies and housekeepers at post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PP. I think some others view FS life through a narrow lens. Let's not forget there are those among us who are SME HQ "desk jockeys" and they certainly do not send kids to Big Three schools. They might live in Fairfax City, struggle with a daily commute, overcrowded schools and a bloated AAP program. They have a mortgage and two car notes to pay. They are not counted among those rare 2T (tandem trusties) Choatie couples sans D.C. area mortgage with drivers, gardeners, guards, cooks, nannies and housekeepers at post.

I'm the PP and I honestly have no idea what you're saying here. FWIW, I'm not saying FS life is hard. I'm enjoying it. I miss my family and friends, and the comforts of home, but I chose this life and I'm not whining. Just clarifying the school policies. State doesn't pay for preschool and doesn't pay for any school in the states. As you were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PP. I think some others view FS life through a narrow lens. Let's not forget there are those among us who are SME HQ "desk jockeys" and they certainly do not send kids to Big Three schools. They might live in Fairfax City, struggle with a daily commute, overcrowded schools and a bloated AAP program. They have a mortgage and two car notes to pay.

So basically you're like every other person working in the DC metro area?

I have zero sympathy for the OP wife who started this thread. She's living like the 1% and doesn't even have the foresight to realize how privileged she is.

[Anonymous]

You should've just let him take that initial high-paying post he wanted. Sounds like you weren't going to be happy, no matter what.

It's not about his post, so stop clinging to that excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PP. I think some others view FS life through a narrow lens. Let's not forget there are those among us who are SME HQ "desk jockeys" and they certainly do not send kids to Big Three schools. They might live in Fairfax City, struggle with a daily commute, overcrowded schools and a bloated AAP program. They have a mortgage and two car notes to pay.

So basically you're like every other person working in the DC metro area?

I have zero sympathy for the OP wife who started this thread. She's living like the 1% and doesn't even have the foresight to realize how privileged she is.

As a matter of fact I am. I am an FSO. My salary, including locality pay for Washington, DC is $108,000. I have a mortgage, college bills to worry about, car payments, etc. I cannot afford $30K on private schools either so my kids go to public. So, yes I AM JUST LIKE any other mid-level Fed living and working in the DC metro area. The only difference is that I have post 911 taken three unaccompanied assignments without my family. I stepped up to the plate to serve just as my brother in the Army did. I find it laughable that anyone would think I live like the 1% with my two "antique" cars that we will drive into the ground before buying another and my modest $450K home in what could be considered a working class area of Fairfax. If I could afford it, I could retire in 10 years at age 55. Oh, the other differences, our personnel system is up or out. So, you are either promoted or find yourself "ticed" out - just like in the military.

All that being said, I love the variety and challenge of my job(s). There is not one day that is the same, and I know even if I hate it now, in two - three years it will all be different. Right now, I am happy to work on the hottest foreign policy ticket in town. I guess serendipity and the right language skills and regional expertise came together at just the right moment.

[Anonymous]

I am so beside myself with anger right now. My DH told me he has been going to Polish language training for the past two weeks. I thought he was still heaing off to the office. Not only did he not seem to me to fight for a better post, but now is committed because he is in language school. I've asked him to leave. I am done.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but what post that requires Polish language is considered hardship? In your first post, you said you were tired of living in 3rd world places, etc. But Poland?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't deserve shit, do it for you kids

Why, exactly, does OP "not deserve shit"? Because she's a woman?