Bar Mitzvah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure wish I knew all of this crap before marrying DH. I had no problem with him being a different religion because I am not religious and neither is he. What I didn't bargain for is all of the cultural B.S.

My grandmother would say all this talk of money is so vulgar. She is surely turning in her grave.

Oy.

Having a society dominated by money but avoiding talk of it is okay? Wow.

New to the gift discussion on this thread. Personally I would give more than $18 in most cases. But you don't have to give a lot, and gracious people (which most are) will be grateful for $18 (at that amount, where it's definitely the thought that counts, an actual present or gift card which shows more thought and knowledge of what the kid likes might mean a lot more than cash - note among the ultraorthodox giving religious books ("sephorim")is a custom)

Giving too big a party is vulgar, IMO, but when our DC was invited to such we encouraged her to be gracious. My impression is that the trend to larger and more lavicious has topped out or been reversed, and much simpler parties are now common - but I live in NoVa, not Potomac.

People talk about wedding presents and money. I don't see this as so much different (and I think the American customs regarding Bar Mitzvah gifts and parties have been influenced by the wider culture norms on weddings AND on birthday parties - and also sweet sixteen parties, etc)

I was hoping for more chance to explain synagogue customs, arrival times, and stuff like that, but this being DCUM emotion about money dominates (and we get some real nastiness of course).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure wish I knew all of this crap before marrying DH. I had no problem with him being a different religion because I am not religious and neither is he. What I didn't bargain for is all of the cultural B.S.

My grandmother would say all this talk of money is so vulgar. She is surely turning in her grave.

+1. We paid for their cars and college ourselves.